“Charlie?” said a girl’s voice. He looked around slowly with a frown. It was Mary Lou. “Hi!” she said. There was a boy behind her. “Freddie said there was a jam session down here. Well, Beth! What are you doing here?”
Beth mustered a smile. “Well—Charlie said there was a jam session down here.”
“Uh—say, why don’t you two sit down?” Charlie said to them. “We were just leaving. You can have the booth.”
“Oh, there’s room for four,” said Mary Lou, sliding in on the opposite side. “Stay a little longer. This is the last set.”
Charlie tried to object but she said, “Oh, look—isn’t that Bud playing trombone? And look at Emmy.” She turned to Beth with a disapproving frown. “Do you think she ought to sit up there like that? In public, I mean? It really doesn’t look too good.”
“I think it looks damn noble and romantic,” said Charlie with a sort of irritated amusement. “Mary Lou, you worry too much.”
“Look again!” said Freddie gleefully. “Maybe she’s got something to worry about.”
Mary Lou turned around in time to see Bud, flushed with beer and pleased with himself, give Emily a prolonged and melodramatic kiss. The audience offered some spirited approval.
“Oh!” said Mary Lou indignantly and the men laughed at her.
“That’s nothing to worry about,” said Charlie. “That’s normal. Hell, be thankful she doesn’t feel that way about girls.”
Oh, Laura! Beth shut her eyes and put her head down to ease the pain in her clenched heart. And then she felt the pressure of Charlie’s arm around her and she began to quiver again.
“She’s got to stop that,” said Mary Lou firmly, frowning at Emily. “It’s just not fair. Not to any of us, especially her. Beth, can’t you stop her?” she said earnestly. “I wish you’d talk some sense into her. I’ve heard all I want to hear about it. It’s a campus joke. If she’d act like that right in Maxie’s, I hate to think what she’d—”
The men leaned forward to hear what she said.
“Just talk to her, Beth,” she finished loftily. “As a favor to me.” Mary Lou had solid confidence in Beth. Beth was very sensible.
“I will,” Beth said, and it was all she had strength to say.
Charlie got out of the booth and stood up, pulling Beth after him.
“We’re leaving,” he said firmly.
“Oh, why?” said Mary Lou. “Dinner isn’t for another half-hour, Beth.”
“It’ll take me half an hour to get her back to the house,” said Charlie with a grin, and they laughed at him.
“Okay,” Mary Lou sighed. “See you later.”
Beth felt a mounting sense of alarm outdistanced only by her rocketing desire. She tried feebly to protest again, but Charlie was too much for her; his utter refusal to let her intimidate him, his gentleness, his strength, his passion and her own overpowered her. She let him take charge of her.
Charlie put an arm around her and led her the three blocks to his apartment. She knew where they were going though she had never been there. They said very little to each other but when they stopped at street corners or turned and looked at each other their hearts started up again. Just inside the apartment door she stopped and turned back, the so-familiar doubts back in her heart.
“Mary Lou?” she said.
“I took you out to dinner. She won’t ask questions.”
“Mitch?”
“Field trip. Won’t get back till tomorrow.”
Laura? she thought, and the pain came back, but only for a moment. Charlie swept it away. He put his arms around her and embraced her so tightly that she couldn’t breathe. And then he relaxed a little and pressed her to him, running his hands down her back. Her shoulders, her breasts, her hips felt the response of his smooth strength, his desire.
He picked her up and carried her to the bed. “Beth, you’re lovely,” he said. “So lovely.”
A sudden awful fear clutched at her. What if it was wrong? What if it was as dull and empty and depressing as all the others? What if her instincts had misled her? “Wait, Charlie!” she said in a voice pitched high with alarm.
He heard the strain in her words and stopped to pull her close and comfort her. She clung to him on the verge of tears.
“Beth,” he murmured. “Beth? Is this the first time?”
She held her breath in an agony of misgiving. What would he think of her if she told him the truth?
“Is it?” he prodded gently, thinking that was probably the cause of her fears. He was surprised to hear her whisper into his sweater, “No.”
For a few moments they sat on the bed, neither moving nor speaking. Charlie was completely at a loss for words. Finally Beth lifted a pale face to him, and whispered, as if each word were costing her pain, “It was never any good. It was just a farce, a dirty little game. It was never right. At first I used to think it would be beautiful, if I just kept trying—if I didn’t lose hope, if I found the right guy, if there was nothing wrong with me. If, if, if… But it never was.” She stopped to conquer her trembling voice. “And finally, after a while, I just didn’t care any more. I didn’t care what they did to me. I guess I was lucky. Most of them were nice guys.” A sob betrayed her, and Charlie held her a little tighter.
“And then I got sick of
