“Certainly.”
“Thanks.” Mary Lou waited just a second longer for Laura to say, “You’re welcome.” Laura never passed up a chance to be polite. But this time she remained silent and finally Mary Lou turned and left, surprised.
Emily came back to study, and Laura waited with her heart beating high for the closing hour chime and Beth’s return.
At closing hour Charlie and Beth said good night in his car. They couldn’t let go of each other with any finality. Beth murmured several times, “I have to go in,” and neither of them moved, except closer together.
Charlie kissed her, a long, deep kiss. In the pale radiance of the dashboard they gazed at each other.
“Oh, Beth, darling,” he said. “I could look at you like this forever.” It was unoriginally and beautifully true. “I never met a girl I wanted so much…so much….” He frowned at the mystery of it. “I can’t let you go, Beth. I can’t let you go.”
“Charlie….” She traced the line of his brows with a finger and closed her eyes and felt his lips, and his warm breath flowed over her hand. He bent his head to kiss her hand and she pulled him closer and licked his ear, until he began to groan with the pleasure of it.
“Oh, Beth, where the hell did you come from? Why didn’t I know you when I saw you? I’ve been looking for you for so long, darling.”
“This is crazy, Charlie. It’s just crazy,” she whispered. “It happened so fast.”
He stroked her hair. “Are you sorry, Beth?”
Her eyes fell. “I—don’t know. I don’t know, Charlie.” She looked up to him and the sight of him scattered her doubts. “No, I’m not sorry.” But when she looked away again she was. “Yes, I am. Oh damn, I don’t know.”
He pulled her tighter. “Beth—”
“Charlie, what time is it?” she asked suddenly. Laura was waiting. She went cold at the thought.
“Twenty-eight after.”
“I have to go in.” Oh, Laura, forgive me!
“Beth darling, listen to me—wait—”
“I have to go in.”
“I want to see you tomorrow,” he said. “What time, honey?”
“I don’t know. Call me.” She opened the car door, looking back at Charlie as she did so. He was frowning at her.
“Call you, hell. What’s the matter with you? Tell me now.”
She got out of the car and slammed the door, hurrying up on the walk in the direction of the house. Laura was suddenly looming in her thoughts and her conscience began to torture her. Charlie reached her side and took her arm and swung her about to a stop.
“Charlie, it’s late—”
“I know it’s late, Beth. What the hell’s come over you all of a sudden? Wasn’t it—wasn’t everything all right?” His voice became soft, pleading.
“Yes—oh, yes, everything was—wonderful. Only—”
“Only what?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want to be late. Please, Charlie.” She tried to shake his arm off but he held her fast. Her concern for Laura chafed and grew with each second that he held her there, and at the same time she wanted to spend the whole night with him. She was helpless, rent between two loves, tormented.
At last he turned and started walking with her toward the house. “When will I see you, Beth?” He sounded a little grim.
“Just call me, Charlie, please. I don’t know.”
“What’s the matter? What in God’s name is the matter? Two minutes ago you were—you were happy. Now all of a sudden you panic because you’re going to be a minute late. Am I supposed to swallow that?”
“You’ll have to,” she said. Her affection for Laura was crushing her with reproof.
Charlie spun her around again at the front door and embraced her.
“Beth, talk to me,” he said urgently.
She shook her head and tried to pull free.
“Is it me?” he said.
“Oh, no! Oh, Charlie, darling—” She reached for him and he kissed her and let her go slowly. She shook her head at him wordlessly, wondering why she couldn’t hide her troubles. They were so strong, so near the surface, that they threatened to spill over.
“I’ll call you,” he said finally, when the housemother called to Beth to come in. They stared at each other for just a second more, and then Beth left him.
She ran up the stairs, pausing for an instant on the landing to wipe off her smeared lipstick, and then she went down the hall to the room. Her roommates were studying quietly together. She glanced swiftly from one to the other.
“Well!” said Emmy with a big smile. “Welcome home.” Then she thought of Laura and fell suddenly silent.
Laura said nothing, and seeing her, so slender and wan in the big chair, Beth ached to be alone with her, to explain things. She began uneasily to undress.
“Have a nice time?” said Laura.
“Yes,” she said cautiously.
“Where did you go?”
Beth was afraid to set off the volcano with every word. She went carefully. “Maxie’s,” she said. “And then it got too late to come home for dinner, so—we went out.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re home safe,” said Emmy. She left Beth and Laura alone; she understood that Beth would want to talk to the younger girl, and she made a discreet disappearance.
Beth hung up her clothes, feeling as if she might explode with the tension. Charlie was so close, so warm in her head and the pit of her stomach, and yet there was Laura right beside her, real, and hurt. She couldn’t let her go to bed before she had explained, or tried to explain, at least some of what happened. It hurt her sharply to know that she had to lie.
Laura sat hunched on the desk chair, her eyes fastened on the floor. Beth felt an unbearable pity for her and an almost exacerbating scorn for herself. She stood gazing at Laura for a minute, unable to talk, to find the right words. Finally she went over to her and knelt on the floor beside her. She took her hands and looked earnestly up at her.
“Laura,” she said. “Laura, look at
