Charlie was silent and she began to get frightened again. “I—I don’t know why I did it, Charlie. I’m ashamed—so ashamed. I—” She couldn’t go on.
“You don’t have to tell me all this, Beth,” he said at last. He was shaken, surprised. And at the same time her confession made him feel fiercely protective.
“I had to tell you the truth,” she said through her tears. “I couldn’t lie to you.”
“Why?” He looked down at her.
“Because this time I—I want it to be right. I want so terribly for it to be right and I was afraid it couldn’t be if I—if I weren’t honest with you.”
He kissed the tears on her cheeks. “Is that why you’re here now, Beth? To see if it’s going to be right at long last?”
She hung her head. “I’m here because you told me to come with you,” she said. “Because I couldn’t help myself. Because for once I want it really and truly, for once I care about it. I care terribly.” She looked up at him with tormented eyes. “Charlie,” she begged. “Forgive me. Please forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” he said softly. “What for? For being lost and mixed up and unhappy? For trying to set things right when you didn’t know how? Hell, there’s nothing to forgive you for. I’m only thankful they didn’t turn you into a hopeless cynic.”
She felt herself beginning to smile very faintly at him and in a sudden burst of gratitude she took his head in her hands and began to kiss him. The pain of her confession began to fade. Wherever he touched her she felt good. And when he had all that loveliness in his hands he pushed her down on the bed in a spasm of delight and kissed her all over, feeling her tremble with an almost unbearable pleasure.
Beth shut her eyes and said, “Oh, my God, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie….” And knew she had found what she had been looking for for so long.
And they fulfilled their promise in the dark and all the world spun away and left them alone in heaven.
Eleven
Laura looked for Beth all afternoon. She looked for her at dinner. And when she went up to her room she felt lethargic and sad. Emily came up at seven and found her sitting in the butterfly chair, staring at a book.
Emily saw that Laura was worried, and she thought she knew why. Laura had a crush on Charlie and so Emmy hesitated to say anything. She just waited until Laura couldn’t stand it any longer and said, “Laura, do you know where Beth is?”
“Well, I—she was out with Charlie this afternoon.” Laura looked so unhappy that Emmy pulled the desk chair over to the butterfly and sat down.
“It didn’t mean a thing, Laur, really. She’ll tell you that herself when she gets in.”
“Is she still with him? You mean she’s been with him all this time?”
“Well, she—they dropped down to Maxie’s to hear the music this afternoon.” Emmy watched sympathetically as Laura’s face fell. “Charlie was there earlier, Laur. Before he met Beth. He loves jazz, you know. I guess he just decided to bring Beth along. They really were good this afternoon.” Laura’s face was pale and hard. She said nothing. “Beth likes jazz too, you know,” Emmy added, afraid of the silence.
“Yes, I know!”
“Laur, you mustn’t take it so hard.” Emmy reached out and put a hand on Laura’s shoulder, but Laura shook it off and her nails pressed cruelly into her brow and scalp, trying to cut out the hurt they could never touch.
Emmy sat beside her in silence, miserable because she couldn’t help. “Laur,” she said. Her voice was all she could offer. Laura couldn’t very well stop her ears. “Laur, please don’t cry. She’ll be home in a little while. She’ll explain it to you, I know she will. Laur…there there, Laur, honey. Please don’t—”
Laura stood up, suddenly furious, and turned on Emily. “Don’t call me honey! Don’t call me that! I hate that word. Emmy, do you hear me?”
“Yes, I hear,” said Emily in a whisper.
Laura sank back to the chair, frightened with her temper, her hurt, her jealousy. “Emmy,” she said. “I’m sorry. You mustn’t pay any attention to me.”
“I didn’t know you liked him that much, Laur.”
“Oh, I don’t. I mean, not really. Oh, I don’t know what I mean; I can’t explain. Please, Emmy….”
They sat in silence for a minute and then Emmy said, “Maybe you’d like to be alone for a little while.”
Laura didn’t answer. She was thankful, but too eager to be rid of Emily for graceful gratitude. When Emmy left she sat perfectly still with her lips tight and her eyes full, and had a talk with herself. She began to see that for all her tolerant teasing and tenderness, Beth simply didn’t like her jealousy. And she knew Beth would expect a vindictive temper and tears and recriminations when she got home. Laura faced facts; her good sense was born of desperation. She couldn’t swear off her jealousy, but she could tuck it under her love and hope it would smother. If it persisted, at least it wouldn’t show. After all, maybe Charlie wouldn’t last. Maybe it didn’t mean anything.
The door opened suddenly and startled a gasp from Laura. She looked up quickly, but it was Mary Lou. The letdown knocked her temper off again.
“Where’s Beth?”
“Not home yet,” Laura said testily.
“Not home yet?” Mary Lou repeated in surprise.
“Try again at closing hours,” said Laura. She stood up and turned her back on Mary Lou, gazing at the desk top as if she had important business with it.
Mary Lou stared at her back for a minute. The voice didn’t sound like Laura’s. “Will you tell her I dropped in? I’d like to talk to
