“Shut up, and anyway I didn’t mean it like that. I miss her company.” I rambled as he laughed and clapped his hands together slowly.
“Fucking hell lad you are whipped.” I hit him around the back of his head before I scrambled to my feet and towards the bathroom door. I wasn’t up for a headache if he decided to retaliate. I laughed as he threw a stapler at the bedroom door just as I closed it behind me. I chuckled to myself as I made my way down the stairs. It was the day before Christmas, the lights were up and so were the trees. I fucking hated this time of year. It brought back some pretty shit times. My veins pulsed in my arms and I gripped them softly.
Alfie was leaning against the kitchen side and scratching his head. I placed my hand on his back and he smiled up at me. His blonde hair all tousled. I got the feeling that he was stressing over something. I smiled and glanced towards the tree he had placed in the kitchen. I’m guessing for the meal we were having here.
“I’ll help you Christmas Day if that’s what you’re stressing about? The cooking?” I watched him hold back a small smile and shrug.
“I thought you hated Christmas? Why would you want to help? You usually hide in your room?” It was all true. I did hide, mum and dad came down every two years and I don’t think I’d ever sat and eaten with them. Usually the Christmas decorations never go up because I just can’t stand it. I tried to fight back a memory.
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Holly is stood smiling as she places the last decoration on the tree, glancing down at her stomach she walks towards me and my heart thuds. Her long blonde hair is placed on top of her head. Placing her hands on my shoulders she plants a kiss on my cheek and I bury my head in her neck and squeeze.
“Why do you look so sad?” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
“Nothing Holly. I’m fine.” Tonight Demonte is paying us a visit and I don’t know how this is going to go. I owe him and I owe him big. I glance around the room at our tiny dinghy flat, the only thing that looks decent is the tree she’s just struggled to put up. I move away from her and she places her hand on my shoulder and I turn before frowning at her. She moves her hand quickly and puts it on her little belly. Frowning I exhale.
“Okay then.” She is sad and her eyes are filling. I wish I could tell her what was going to happen. I wish I could tell her that I didn’t mean for any of this, that I’d quit if I could but I can’t. My phone is buzzing in my pocket, I ignore it and place her in my arms.
“Hol, I wish I could change what’s going to happen but I can’t.” She is shaking her head and is cupping my face.
“What are you talking about?” I shake my head and kiss her cheek.
“Just be ready for this.” I place my hand under her chin and she simply smiles. I love how innocent she is, how much she tries…
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Shaking my head out of my flashback I looked at Alfie who was no longer smiling.
“I do hate it. I’m trying to make the best out of something so bad.” The anniversary of Holly being taken by Bandoni and Rava and her losing the baby was tonight. My jaw clenched. I needed to be close to Av before I did something I regretted. I made my way to try and find her, the urge to jack up again was so strong and I needed to find her to stop it. She seemed to be the only thing that stopped my rampage.
She was hiding in her old room, well the spare room that she’d stayed in when she first slept here. She leant over the bed, wrapping gifts and I couldn’t help but admire the way her little frame was meticulously wrapping things. I instantly felt easier. How did she manage to do that? Even Holly didn’t ever manage to stop the feeling that she does.
“You avoiding me Holt?” I smirked. She jumped and scrambled to cover the gifts on the bed.
“Shit! Haz close your eyes!” I did as she asked and pictured the look on her face. I stood for what seemed like hours with my eyes closed in her doorway. The feeling of her lips against mine made my heart pound slightly. I wrapped my hands in her hair and kept my eyes closed. I kissed her slowly and felt her move from my kiss before she stroked my face softly.
“Not avoiding you. I’m just trying to give you a little space.” Her voice was soft in tone and I took a small intake of breath. I didn’t want her to give me any space. Putting space between us wasn’t a good idea. I was weak without her close.
“I don’t want space away from you Avaya. Believe me, you leaving me alone now will be the worst thing you could do.” She placed her head against my shoulder, the scent of her perfume surrounded me. It was comforting beyond words. I closed my eyes slowly and ran my fingers through her hair.
“Okay then. I won’t leave you alone.” She whispered, sending shivers down my spine. I opened my eyes and took her hand in mine.
“Good.” I ran my thumb over her jawline and smiled to myself at her reaction. I pulled on her arm softly as I stepped back and sat on her bed. It dipped from my weight and watched as she climbed on my lap. She was quiet and sort of awkward. Almost as if she was hiding something.
“Why don’t you want me to leave
