“I’m sorry.” I whispered in his ear before kissing it softly. “I’ll try to help you? You’re right I don’t know what it’s like. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore?” Wow, you sound so pathetic… I pushed away my inner thoughts and planted small kisses against his shoulder. “I don’t want you to turn into that cold hearted monster, you scare me when you act like that.” I gulped down the lump that was rising in my throat and ran my hand over his chest, pressing my face against his. “It’s heroine isn’t it?” I muttered. I felt him nod and hold the hand that was placed against his chest.
“It’s easier to stay away from it when I’m around you,” he admitted and I kissed his cheek softly “the fucked thing is you’re saving me but I’m screwing you.” I shook my head at his remark and pulled on him to lay back down.
“Don’t say that.” I whispered and felt him lay back with me, he turned in the bed to face me and ran his fingers through the back of my hair. I moaned as he did so, that feeling of him holding my hair made my groin clench.
“I don’t ever want to scare you, or hurt you,” he kissed the corner of my mouth, his voice was husky from just waking up and it was turning me on. I shook my head and ran my hand over the muscles of his bicep. “I’m so sorry Avay.” I didn’t know what he was apologising for nor did I care in that moment. I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up like this in his arms. I could stay there for an eternity. His apology was sincere and he placed a kiss against my lips again.
“So what were you and Jay arguing about again last night?” I whispered and felt him smirk. My eyes opened as he dropped his hand from my hair.
“You.” He gazed at me for what seemed like an eternity. His eyes were still so blue. They were breathtaking. “He didn’t want me to come and find you. He says I’m bad for you and that I should stay away…” He began to chuckle as he ran his fingers over my cheek. "As you can see I ignored his request. I may be bad for you, but you’re good for me.” He ran his nose over mine and I smiled nervously at him.
“By bad for me, you mean you make me, unsafe?” I whispered and he nodded.
“You’re in a whole world of trouble, you just don’t know it yet.” He gazed in my eyes for a while, stroking my face with his thumb. “Remember when I said we were forbidden?” I simply nodded as the pain in my chest was threatening to return. “Rava knows deep down that you’re different to me, he knows that if he hurts you, he’ll hurt me.” My eyes widened slightly. “That’s why you’re here? So I can keep my eyes on you now he’s here fishing.” He smiled, it was almost comforting to know that he just wants me safe. While we are on the ‘I’m opening up to you’ topic I may as well ask questions right?
“Why does he hate you that much? I thought you were just business partners?” I ran my fingers over his shoulder softly in a figure of eight movement and waited for his response. He paused for a while.
“Something happened years ago, a nasty drug bust gone wrong,” He looked away, and began to look out the window of the spare bedroom. I looked down at my hand that was placed against his chest and took a soft breath outward. “The bloke who was the ringleader flipped on all of us, I knew we were getting raided and I didn’t say a word. I could have stopped people from getting hurt and I didn’t. There was something in it for me at the end if I shut up and I did just that.” He shook his head and I held his face in my hands.
“Hey, things have changed you’re not like that anymore?” He shook his head again and looked into my eyes, they were clouded over with water and I ran my thumb over the stubble on his face.
“No Av, I am still like that and I’ve made some pretty shit choices and now I’m paying the price for them.” I refused to believe him. He stilled and I kissed his lips slowly. “I’ve tried to keep you safe since I realised.” I heard his voice crack and placed my fingers against his lips. He shook his head softly “Av, I ent the man you think I am. I’m fucking bad.” I sat up slightly and leaned over him. There were salty tears forming in my eyes.
“But the majority of what I’ve seen of you is good? So good,” he didn't look me in the eyes, they were looking anywhere but, “the only reason you ever hurt me is because you use and when you do that you aren’t you.” I ran my lips against his and felt him hold my face in his hand.
“I use to stop myself from feeling because it’s too much to deal with when I’m sober.” I cringed at the word sober. I cared so deeply for this human. Tears dripped down from my eyes and landed on his cheek. I watched as he looked up towards me and wiped my tears away. He didn’t have to say another word. I knew the conversation was over and I was worried I’d pushed him too far again.
“Haz I,” I stumbled on my words. I was about to admit that maybe I was falling in love with him, but I didn’t want to admit it out loud. I couldn’t do it. We were
