Carefully, Kade reaches over, touching his palm. Felix doesn’t pull away, but his gaze flickers down. Kade holds his breath, until Felix’s fingers curl gently around his hand. He blows out a sigh. Felix doesn’t mind him being here. “You’re really keeping it,” he murmurs.
Felix nods.
“And you’re not staying in Meadowfall?”
“I... might be here for a few more days.”
Better than none. In a lower tone, Kade says, “Didn’t know you hate this.”
Felix bites his lip. “It’s not... not bad,” he mumbles, trailing his other hand over his belly. “Just lonely.”
And those are the most honest words Kade has heard from him in a while. Those, and the ones he’d said through his tears.
“You’ve got me,” Kade says, immediately wishing he’d shut up instead. Five years ago, Felix had said, You really aren’t good enough, Kade. I need better. How can he assume that he’s worthy now?
Kade breathes out through his nose, looking at the pamphlets of wide-eyed babies.
One of the doors swings open, a nurse in pastel green stepping through. “Mr. Henry!”
“I’m here,” Felix chirps, his fingers squeezing tight around Kade’s. He’s grinning and lying at the same time. And it consoles Kade to know that he can still read this part of his bondmate.
“Please follow me,” the nurse says, her gaze darting from Felix to Kade.
“Want me to come with you?” Kade asks.
Felix hesitates, meeting Kade’s eyes briefly. “If you want. You really don’t have to.”
“I’ll come with you.” Kade trails after them, watching as the nurse measures Felix’s weight and blood pressure. Then she leads them both to a wooden door down the hallway, knocking twice before pushing it open. The room smells like hay.
Dr. Smith smiles at them both, tapping on her keyboard. She shakes their hands. Kade shifts on his feet, feeling out-of-place. Why am I even here?
Because Felix is here, and he needs a source of comfort. Kade settles in the chair next to Felix, so their knees bump together. Felix glances down at their legs, but he doesn’t say anything.
“How are you, Felix?” the doctor says, her eyes warm.
“Good.” Felix smiles a bit, but Kade’s sure that the doctor can tell he doesn’t mean it, either.
“Since this is your first visit, we’ll do the standard tests,” the doctor says. “Urine and blood, as well as an ultrasound to check on the fetus’ progress. Will that be okay?”
Felix nods, his fingers curling into his thigh. The doctor taps on her keyboard, asking about Felix’s medical history, and it’s everything Kade already knows—good health on both his parents’ sides, and no issues to date.
“When was your last heat?” the doctor asks.
Felix tenses, his fingers curling into his knees. He doesn’t look at Kade. “The last week of March.”
Kade remembers that week, remembers Felix beneath him. He shoves thoughts of the baby’s father out of his mind.
The doctor checks the calendar. “So... you’re twenty-two weeks in—just in time for the routine anomaly scan.”
Felix smiles weakly. “Thanks.”
“We’ll do the ultrasound first, then the urine and blood later, since most of those will take some time in the lab. Now, climb onto the exam bed, please. I’ll need you to pull your shirt up over your abdomen, and unzip your pants.”
Kade glances at Felix. He’s thought about Felix’s belly since the revelation, but it’s ironic how the first time he sees Felix’s baby bump is at the doctor’s office, not during one of the many times they’ve fucked. Felix’s fingers curl into the hem of his shirt. He glances in Kade’s direction, red creeping up his neck. Kade doesn’t even know if he wants to see it.
The rolled-out sheet on the bed crinkles when Felix sits on it. His fingers clench and unclench, and Dr. Smith frowns, stepping over to him. “Are you comfortable with this?”
“Yes,” Felix says, meeting her eyes.
Kade breathes in, a chill swooping down his spine. That was how Felix looked when he said he was on BC. He was lying the entire time, lying here, and he’s not comfortable right now.
He swallows, bitter. Felix has reasons for lying. No point getting angry with him.
Slowly, Felix drags the shirt up, as though he’s battling with himself. Kade gulps. He should look away. Felix isn’t his anymore, and this feels too intimate. He hasn’t seen Felix’s belly in months. Instead of a flat plane, Felix’s abdomen rises up, from his navel to his jeans in a gradual curve. There’s a baby in there, Kade thinks. It’s not mine. It should have been mine.
He glances at Felix’s face, catching the way Felix’s eyes dart away, knuckles clenched white. You don’t want me to see it, Kade realizes, his stomach squeezing. Are you embarrassed about the baby? Is that why you hate the pregnancy?
Kade stands, stepping across the office to the bed. Felix’s eyes widen as though he’s afraid. But Kade curls his hand into Felix’s, squeezing lightly. Felix’s gaze flies to meet his. “You’re fine,” Kade says. “Relax.”
Felix sucks in a shuddering breath. “Okay,” he says, his voice unsteady. “I’ll try.”
Slowly, Felix’s grip loosens. He releases the hem of his shirt, setting his hands by his sides.
Kade looks at his abdomen again. It’s still pale, with a new, darker line from his navel to his briefs. On the wall, a poster of a naked, pregnant woman shows the same line on her belly.
If Kade had seen Felix’s belly constantly, while they were having sex... maybe he wouldn’t even have noticed it swelling.
“Are you feeling better?” the doctor asks, pulling on her gloves. Kade steps back to allow her access, and she settles onto the low stool next to the bed, turning to the darkened computer screen next to it.
“Yes. Thank you,” Felix says, his voice a little warmer. Kade smiles at him, the tension in his shoulders easing when Felix smiles back.
Dr. Smith pulls out a plastic bottle sitting in a machine, snapping its lid open. They watch as she turns it
