34
Felix
At the counter, the receptionist prints out the receipt for their visit. “Five hundred and eighty,” she says. “That includes the ultrasound, the tests, and the lab fees. Oh! And the photo.”
Felix’s stomach freezes into a block of ice. He’s done some research, covering his eyes and huddling, but it’s still painful to hear it listed like this. Even the cash he borrowed from Taylor wouldn’t have been enough.
“Put it on this,” Kade says next to him, handing his credit card over. Felix stares. He can’t begin to imagine how many weeks he’ll be selling lemonade to cover this bill.
“No,” Felix says, grabbing his arm. “I’ll pay.”
Kade slants a look at him. Felix knows his alpha has seen through his hesitance, that he can’t afford all this without skipping his meals for the next two weeks. “Pay me back later,” Kade murmurs.
Felix gulps. Maybe Kade means Pay me in cash over the next three weeks, or maybe he means Suck me off for the next ten nights. And either is fine.
“I’ll need to verify your ID for the transaction, Mr. Brentwood,” the receptionist says, smiling at Kade. Kade hands his driver’s license over, his gaze flicking back to Felix. There’s no expectation in his eyes, only calm, as though he’s checking to make sure Felix is okay.
Felix loves this man.
He shouldn’t be realizing this now, at a clinic counter, the baby fluttering in his belly. The child is Kade’s. And he wants Kade to know, except Kade doesn’t want a baby.
Kade takes his cards back. The receptionist hands the receipt to him, and Kade folds it up, giving it to Felix instead. It feels flimsy in his hands, not like something that costs five hundred dollars.
“We’ll see you again,” the receptionist says as they head out. Kade nods at her, holding the door open for Felix.
“Why are you doing this?” Felix croaks when he slows to a stop next to Kade’s bike, his eyes prickling again.
“Why not?” Kade asks, then winces, as though he shouldn’t have said it.
“Because...” Because I’ve hurt you. Because I left you, and lied to you, and so many other things. Felix twists his fingers together, sucking in a deep breath. I can’t cry right now. I’ve cried enough. “Because you have no reason to.”
Kade studies him, his eyes dark, and Felix wants to fall into his gaze, wants to lean into his chest and stop thinking about everything else. “I’m doing it because I want to,” Kade says, and Felix’s chest feels too small for his heart.
“Okay,” he says. It feels like a weak attempt at repaying the favor. “I have some cash at home. I’ll get that first, and as soon as I get my next paycheck—”
“I don’t care about the money,” Kade says.
Felix looks down at his hands. Kade did, in the past. He had tried saving up for a home for them, and together, they’d been frugal. Of course Kade doesn’t care about money now, when they don’t have dreams of a new place. That relationship had shattered when Felix left. “Okay,” Felix says. “I’ll pay you back anyway.”
Kade sighs, unlocking the trunk. “I didn’t know there’d be risks for you. If you carry the baby full term.”
Felix looks down at his belly, rubbing a hand over it. But the child is Kade’s, and he wants to bring a piece of Kade away with him, regardless of what it costs. “I didn’t know about it, either.”
“You’re still keeping the baby?”
Felix looks away, nodding. “Yes.”
Kade’s eyes darken, and he looks pained, somehow. He hands Felix a helmet, glancing up at the royal-blue sky. “Want to grab some dinner? It’s late. I’ll pay.”
“I guess it’ll be fine,” Felix says, pulling his helmet on. He owes Kade so much, and he needs to stop hurting him.
They ride to an old diner with frilly green curtains and neon signboards flashing above the doorway. When they step inside, Felix trudges behind Kade across the checkered tiles, sliding into a booth across from him.
“I’ll cook next time,” Kade says, nodding his thanks when the waitress leaves them with a couple of menus.
Felix blinks. “Next time?”
“The doc said you’re supposed to visit every month.”
I can’t possibly set aside hundreds every month. Felix pulls a menu toward himself, scanning the bolded numbers on each page.
“Stop looking at the prices,” Kade says.
It was something they did back when they had their own place—going out for meals, buying the lowest-priced things on the menu, and then grinning if the food turned out good. Felix cracks a smile, looking at the numbers anyway. “Or, what, you’ll spank me?”
“Up to you,” Kade says. Felix glances up so quickly he almost sprains his neck. Kade’s eyes bore into his, solemn, and Felix realizes that Kade might still want to fuck him after all, despite the pregnancy, despite all that’s happened over the past few days.
“Oh,” he says, his throat running dry.
“Do you?” Kade asks. His gaze stays on Felix, and Felix feels exposed again, like he had during the ultrasound. For the first time, Kade had seen the extent of his pregnancy, the one secret he’d been trying so hard to keep. Felix had panicked. And Kade had held his hand despite all the pain between them.
It doesn’t feel any different in the restaurant, because Kade’s looking at another intimate part of him. Felix can’t hide his need to be touched, especially if his alpha is the one doing it. He gulps, tearing his gaze away. “I-If you want.”
Which means yes. Kade’s attention lingers on him, and Felix’s pulse thuds in his ears. He looks back at the soups and salads on the menu, trying to figure if either will get him full. Or if he really wants to feel full, he should invite Kade into
