Brad hesitated. Then, on impulse, he said, “Yes.”
Because Ian would reply to Gwen, and Brad needed to know if Ian was still thinking about him. His stomach churned.
Gods, I really am insane.
They’d broken up. Brad had cost Ian his job, he’d distracted Ian, and Brad’s father had humiliated Ian in public. And Brad had broken his promise, that everything would be okay.
Things weren’t okay. They were all shattered now, and Brad didn’t have any idea how to fix that.
He didn’t have time for a second job, caring for Gwen like he was. Didn’t know how Ian planned on caring for Xavier, either—it worried Brad. Would Ian be okay? Did he have enough money for the hospital bills?
Gwen tapped on her phone. Brad watched as she hit Send.
Then his stomach wrung tight, and he couldn’t think.
Brad held his breath. Poured the coffee grounds into the coffee machine, spilling some because his hands were shaking. “Is he answering?”
Gwen shook her head.
Maybe Ian would answer Gwen like he’d written the postcard. No acknowledgment of Brad. Nothing that said he still held any love.
Brad reached into the kitchen cabinet for some plates. His fingers paused at three plates; he had to shift it up, to grab two.
Felt like every bit of his life had changed to accommodate Ian, and there was now an empty space where Ian used to be.
Brad set a couple slices of bread in the toaster, pulling open the fridge to grab the carton of eggs.
“Oh! He replied.”
Brad almost dropped the eggs. He hurried over to Gwen, peering over her shoulder. “What’d he say?”
She opened the text message. On the right side of the screen, Gwen had sent, I got your postcard! Papa misses you too.
On the left, Ian had answered, Me too.
Brad’s heart pounded. Did that mean... Ian missed him? Did that mean, on the off-chance, that Ian would want Brad back? Could Brad even be good enough for him?
“Thanks,” Brad said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
He fumbled with his phone. Thought about calling Ian, or leaving a message. That would be too soon, wouldn’t it? Ian would realize the question had come from Brad.
“Where’s he working now?” Brad asked, his breath hitching.
Gwen fiddled with her phone. “I dunno. Do I ask him?”
“Maybe this afternoon. Tell me if he answers, yeah? Don’t say I asked.”
“I will.”
She returned to playing games on her phone, and for a moment, Brad was tempted to steal her phone, so he could read Ian’s texts to their daughter. What had Ian said to her? Had he mentioned anything else about Brad?
Not something I should be doing.
Brad turned back to the stove, his pulse racing. Even if Ian didn’t want to see him again... maybe he was still fond of Brad. Maybe Brad could catch a last glimpse of him, just because. Just so he could remember what Ian smelled like.
He set the pan on the stove, harder than he should. Couldn’t help it. Couldn’t stop wishing he hadn’t fucked up everything in his life.
The only things that had ever gone right... were Gwen, and the omega he’d given his heart to.
29
Ian
Ian watched as the last of the children trotted out of Meadowfall Tots, his heart heavy.
“Settling in okay?” Dale asked with a smile.
Ian forced himself to nod. “I think I am. Thanks.”
“No worries.” Dale crouched beside him, peering at Ian in concern. “You’ve been looking down all week.”
I can’t help it.
Ian looked around the childcare center, at the colorful rainbows on the walls, the curtains with little stuffed animals clipped onto them. The plastic trains they were in the middle of cleaning, and the coloring books full of half-colored drawings.
He’d found a job here last week, after he’d had no luck with the other businesses. He’d sent out job applications to colleges around the state, then desk jobs where he could be a secretary.
He’d tried for more exhausting jobs, too, like bakeries and sales positions, but the hiring personnel had taken one look at Ian’s belly and shaken their heads.
Out of options, and reluctant to leave Meadowfall, Ian had come to the childcare center, where he’d only been a client in the past. He’d gotten the job the same day he interviewed.
“I know I shouldn’t pry,” Dale said. “But... do you need to talk? I’m around to listen. June told me about you.”
Ian grimaced. June had? “You’re still keeping in contact with her?”
Dale gave a wry smile. He was a slim omega in his late forties, with green eyes and a hibiscus scent. “Just to know what goes on in the lab,” Dale said. “That was my baby.”
Ian sighed. He’d been part of another lab in the college before he was transferred to the nanoparticle lab. So Dale had been a coworker he’d seen around, and talked to on occasion. Ian hadn’t thought he’d end up working at the same place as his ex-colleague, though.
“I think it’ll flourish in June’s hands,” Ian said. “I trust her.”
“Same here.”
“What did she tell you about me?”
“Just that you were seeing a younger alpha.” Dale shrugged and smiled. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed to know that.”
“We’ve broken up.”
That hurt to say.
Dale’s face fell; he glanced at Ian’s baby bump. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
Ian rolled his shoulders. “That’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
He couldn’t help touching his belly, though, feeling Xavier kick against his palm. The results from the amniocentesis had turned out okay. Ian had read the email, and he’d been tempted to forward it to Brad. In the end, he never did it. Brad hadn’t asked, anyway.
They fell into silence, Ian wiping down the toys they’d just rinsed. He thought about the times Gwen was here, Brad coming to pick her up. Earlier today, she’d asked where he was working. He’d told her.
It wasn’t like Brad would ask, was it? Brad had stopped trying to contact Ian, and that was probably for the best.
“Greg’s coming by to pick me up later,” Dale
