He took a step back and exhaled deeply, before he continued. "You fucking became a target, you were kidnapped, and even got shot in the hands of that psycho. For God's sake, you could have died, Emma." He let out a sorrowful sigh, and his chest heaved in exhaustion.
"If you were at my place, you would have known how helpless and sick you feel when you fail to protect your love. Regret consumes you, and shame becomes your identity." His otherwise calm composure was now painted with anger and anxiety as if I touched the wrong cord and pressed his most hurting nerve.
He was running his hands in his hair; his breathing became faster. His eyes started regaining the moisture, with a warning to afloat all the welled up pain, again.
"Tell me Emma, how much of a failure do you think I am? Did you really expect me to standby and just let you face the dire consequences every single time?" His voice demanded an answer, and I flinched a bit at the fury his tone inflicted.
"I told you a million times before Jake, that I am not yours to protect, even back in Norway, we went through this time and again, yet you always take me as your weakness, you thought I am not strong enough to fight with you. You didn't trust the strength of my love... rather you left me to accept it as fate."
"No, Emm... Fuck! How can you even think this? That's utterly not true. You are the bravest girl I know. Your courage and resilience blow my fucking mind. You have been my rock, always. But this was not your battle to fight, not this time."
I was speechless at his retort, and as soon as he saw me recoil, his body language softened, and he cupped my face in his hands again. He whispered, making me look at him, "Please Emm... I am sorry, I agree I made a bad choice, and I hurt you immensely. But it's not just about us, we are accountable to everyone close to us as well, especially your parents, Emma, your family. I remember the fear in their eyes when you laid unconscious for days; they went through hell. How could I have let them suffer another strangulating experience, just because I was selfish enough to not let you go?"
I sniffed and closed my eyes listening to his words, as a stream of tears kept flowing through them.
"Your father's words echoed in my head, Emma. I know he thought I caused you more harm than happiness, and how he wished you had another chance at love in life."
"What the hell, Jake! That wasn't his decision to make.... neither yours. Nobody can decide what my heart wants... and...."
"I know Emm. I am sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. It was all so fast, and troubles were closing in from all sides, I messed up. I didn't make the wisest choice, and my heart regrets it every minute, I am so sorry, please forgive me, I learnt the hard way."
"Forgive you? Is that all you got? Ever since you are here, you have just felt sorry. Does your heart feel nothing else? Tell me, Jake, is this all you got?" I was losing my mind just hearing his endless apologies, I gripped the collar of his shirt in a clenching fist, and shook him with all my strength. I was weeping inconsolably now, my cries echoing in the hollow of the valley. I was slapping his chest like a madwoman, as everyone watched us in pin-drop silence.
I wanted more than a sorry; I wanted to know he loved me, I wanted to know he will fight for me, I wanted to know he would never in his life, let me go again. He said everything but this. I kept jolting him, pushing him away, and I could see how taken aback he felt.
But suddenly, he took control; he held both my hands, gripping them a bit hard to stop me from losing myself. And in the next second, he crashed his lips on mine. I know this wasn't what I was expecting, I always imagined how mad I would be at him whenever I would see him, and honestly, I was, but in this very instant, for the first time in days, I felt relieved.
A sense of calm washed over my body, and I let go of my refrain, allowing him to tenderly move his gentle lips against my trembling ones. His touch was soothing and soft, and as he continued to kiss me, I lost all the will in my body that could stop him. It felt he sucked out every bit of pain and anxiety from my aching soul, and unknowingly he gave me assurance, that now that he is back, maybe it will be all okay.
I was tired of consoling myself, and if this is what made me feel better, then be it.
This human was the antidote to every poison in my life. He was both the cause and the cure. He was my remedy.
Our sorrows became one, our grief formed a union, and I realised that I know my heart better than he ever knew his.
Jake was my happy place, even though he was irrational and messed up, he was mine, and having setbacks with him, came with the territory of loving him.
Sounds so twisted, right? But that's what love does to you.
We kissed for a long time, and when he parted his lips, he finally whispered "I love you, Emm. I love you and cannot live without you. I came running back to you because I know it for sure that I am nothing without you. I will never let you
