“House, townhome, or condo?” my father asked.
“A house, sir.”
“How many bedrooms are you looking for?” my mother asked.
“Three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I’d also like to have a swimming pool.”
“Split level, ranch?” Senait inquired.
“Split level. I don’t much care for ranch styles.”
No one was asking my opinion or my feelings about this matter. It was almost as if I weren’t in the room at all, nor a part of the conversation. My stomach rolled over as a wave of nausea assailed me.
Was I the only one that saw anything wrong with this picture? How could he just pop up and tell me where I’d be living and not even consider what I wanted?
Russell had called me up the evening before and asked me out for a Saturday afternoon date. This was not my idea of a date. Although any date with Russell wasn’t my idea of a date, come to think of it.
“Aren’t you excited?” my mother asked, looking over at me as I stared at a lone thread coming loose in the carpet.
I pretended that I didn’t know she was talking to me.
“Xiomara? Your mother is talking to you,” my father’s harsh rebuke caused me to jump.
“I’m sorry. What did you say, Mom?”
“I don’t know where this girl’s head is at these days,” my mother said.
“I’m sure it’s all the excitement about getting married soon,” Senait spoke up, sending nervous glances my way.
I looked away from her, too, because although she was standing up for me, she knew the truth. Senait knew Lake’s return had rocked me. And she knew about my night with him at Prestige.
Despite how I treated Lake, my heart couldn’t deny that I still loved the man. Even after all these years. It scared the hell out of me.
“I asked, aren’t you excited, Xiomara? Soon you will be Mrs. Darden. And you will have a home and family of your own,” my mother said, smiling with delight.
“And a company to run. Don’t forget, Xiomara that is your most important challenge, your ultimate aspiration,” my father reminded me, crushing my mother’s dreams of family over career.
“How many children do you want, Xiomara?” Senait asked, changing the subject back to my mother’s concern, earning a mild scolding glance from my father.
She was the only one that could get away with that.
“We’ll have three. Hopefully, two boys and one girl,” Russell said as if he could just order children up the way he wanted them.
I guess he’d also order them with damned near-white skin and European features, like his mother’s, since I had melanin in mine, thanks to the heritage of my Eritrean mother and Indian father.
Rolling my eyes, I stood.
“Excuse me, please, I need to use the restroom.”
I left the room and heard the soft murmurs after I made my escape. Rather than heading to the restroom as I’d said, I went straight to my bedroom. Throwing myself across the bed, I allowed the tears to fall.
It was difficult to stop thinking about Lake and that night at the ball.
I was confident before my return that Lake Chambers held no place in my head or my heart. Surely, he had no power over my body anymore. Or so I thought. I felt like I was a slave to him now, as I struggled to keep him out of my mind.
The moment Lake’s lips touched mine, I remembered every touch, every impression, and every caress of his hands. Everything about him was unforgettable. The thing tying us together was powerful and blinding, and I had to ignore it to get what I wanted.
The chord of attraction between Lake and I swelled and rose like a wave crashing down all around us. It threatened to destroy and take out everything in its path and soaking us in desire.
That’s what I remembered from that summer. That’s what my father and mother had realized early on. And it was the reason my father had wanted me to go away. And that’s what I remembered about that night.
My father knew that if I stayed around much longer, then all the dreams he had for me and those that I’d verbalized myself would tank under the weight of my feelings for Lake.
Some questions were plaguing me. Not only the questions Lake posed about my future and independence but the ones I’d always had but was scared to dig too deep into. They were pounding on the forefront of my brain, demanding entry.
All of that since making love with Lake.
If he had the power to do that to me, cause me to question everything, then he was a dangerous man. One that I needed to steer clear of.
But I wanted just one more taste.
“XIOMARA, THIS IS THE fourth house that we’ve looked at, and you’ve liked none of them,” Russell complained, with a frown on his face.
We stood outside of a two-story brick Colonial with a little square patch for a yard.
“Perhaps, we should have discussed what we both wanted in a house before we came looking. Then we could have worked to get on the same page and share our likes and dislikes with the realtor.”
Resting his hands on his hips, Russell stared at me as if I’d lost my mind.
“Why would we do that?”
“Russ, maybe it’s not the houses. Maybe it’s the arrangement.”
Scowling, he asked, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I know this is what’s expected of us, Russ. An arranged marriage is perfect for some people, and they’re successful. But I’m not sure that’s what I want or need in my life.”
Russell sighed and looked away for a moment before turning his gaze back to mine.
“Xiomara, I understand you, believe me, I do. But this plan,” he said, waving his hands around. “Has been in place for our future for quite some time. We based our lives around this expectation, which is what it will take to achieve
