“It’s just that I’ve seen what it’s done to the women in my family. My mom hasn’t been a part of an arranged marriage, and my dad loves her, but the whole be submissive and do as I say thing? I’m not a child anymore, and I want more than that. I need more than that, Russ.”
“You’re changing, Xiomara. You forget what’s expected of you.”
Russell didn’t have a clue.
“Maybe I’m seeing things differently now,” I said, pulling my hair back from my face in frustration.
He looked disappointed by that statement and shook his head.
“Do you love me, Russell?”
“What?”
He said that as if it were some foreign concept.
“You know. Love. That deeply intense feeling beyond affection. That emotion that fills you with passion and makes you believe that you cannot live without another person. You would do anything to ensure they’re happy and have everything they need to become the best person they can be. When you feel as if you can’t breathe if they’re not with you, sometimes you want to breathe for them and vice versa. You know. Love?”
“Who have you been talking to? What happened to the Xiomara that I respected. The hard as nails, no excuses woman of steel. The woman that was a self-declared Boss Bitch? She never talked about feelings, or emotions, or...love,” he spat out as if the word were despicable.
“Well, maybe what I need and want is changing.”
“You don’t want Sheffield Tech anymore?”
“I absolutely want Sheffield Tech! But I also need something more...don’t you?”
“This isn’t what that is. We have an agreement. I went along with your suggestion for us to date for the last two years. So, I come to the city, and I take you out when we’ve got time. We don’t have that special thing you’re looking for. But...this marriage is going to happen because of what we both said we wanted.”
Walking up to him, I grabbed his hands. Waiting, I stared into his eyes. Nothing. No hammering heart, sweaty palms, lumps lodged in my throat, or clenching of the thighs.
“What are you doing?” Russell asked.
“When I hold your hands, what do you feel, Russell?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Does excitement fill you, or happiness, or a warm glow in your body? Do you become heady with a rush of feeling for me?” I asked, searching his eyes.
Russell pulled his hands away and shook his head. “Look, I understand what you’re getting at. But there are more important things at stake than love. You’re not the only one making this sacrifice; I am, too. And it’s taking a lot out of me because I’m not getting what I want either. Do you think you’re the only one who wants something else? Someone else?”
“I’m sorry, Russell. I didn’t know.”
“And I am, too. I don’t know what this is you’re going through, but you need to remember this is who we are. It’s what’s expected of us. And although your mother isn’t Indian, arranged marriages are a part of her culture, too.”
“Yeah, but she didn’t succumb to those rules. My mother married for love. And that’s what I want, too.”
Russell inhaled deeply and pulled a hand down his face.
I breathed in and glanced up at the house where the realtor had just stepped onto the porch. He was on the phone and appeared to be wrapping up a call. I knew that I had little time remaining.
“Your mother’s life was different. She’d already left home and pursued her modeling career, so her expectations were different.”
“And I’ve left home to pursue my dreams. What’s different?” I pointed out.
“Xiomara, they arranged this engagement some time ago. Yes, this is a business arrangement, but it will position both of us, and our companies, for success. We’re nothing more than a means to an end. But that’s okay because we agreed we weren’t looking for anything more than that.”
“I wasn’t, but now I am. Two years and nothing, Russell? Doesn’t that feel...cold to you? I want more. I need more.”
“What are you saying, Xiomara?”
Turning my gaze away from his, the boldness, passion, and courage I’d previously felt drained out of me.
“I don’t know, Russell. I don’t know,” I replied softly as my shoulders dropped in disappointment.
Grimacing, he pulled his hand down his beard, while shoving the other in his pants pocket.
“Look, we have a little time remaining to get our act together. I don’t know who’s gotten into your head, but you have to refocus your priorities. We’re two of a kind, Xiomara. I need you to remember that.”
He searched my eyes, waiting for an answer.
Grabbing my hands, he said, “Look. Why don’t we take a weekend vacation?” he suggested.
“Why?”
“Because that will give us time to figure out once and for all what we want. And maybe if we go away for a weekend, we can work through this thing with no pressure on us. Not our parents, nor our families, or...anyone else,” he said.
I straightened up and pressed my shoulders back. He was right. I’d allowed Lake to get to me, and I was losing my focus. I desired to run Sheffield Technology, and in that dream, there was no room for weakness or being soft.
“Fine. Let’s go find the house of my dreams until then,” I said just as the realtor approached us.
Russell smiled at me and took my hand into his once again.
“That’s my girl.”
CHAPTER 16 – LAKE
IT HAD TAKEN A LOT of work, but I’d convinced Xiomara to go out on a date with me. An unconventional all day one, but still a date all the same.
“Thanks, guys, for coming out to work with the kids today on their art exhibition. They’re so excited about this and the parent meet and greet scheduled to coincide with this,” Ariel said.
As soon as she stepped out to get the kids, Xiomara smirked at me crossing her arms. “You’re bringing out the big guns.”
Shrugging with my arms out at my sides, I said, “You didn’t leave me much
