“Don’t apologize,” I say. “I’m happy to be here, too.”
My mom is the very best and I’m so lucky to get to be her son, so lucky to be a part of this family, even though I’ve taken them for granted more than once. I’m happy that they’ve still embraced me despite my criminal past. I see that now. Finally.
“You look so handsome tonight, Eli.” She touches my cheek affectionately. “I’m really happy you came. I was worried you wouldn’t show up. It means so much to all of us that you’re here.”
I think back on all the things I missed while I was in jail. Cannon’s wedding and the birth of his child. I didn’t get to be their for Jude when back-to-back knee injuries nearly ruined his career. I missed Callie’s birthdays. Christmas. Family dinners and barbecues by the lake. I missed too damn much and I couldn’t afford to miss any more. At least that’s what Jessa made me see.
My eyes search for the girl again. She’s back at her table. She’s sitting there alone now that her girlfriends have abandoned her to go dance with my brothers. She doesn’t look lonely, though. She’s dancing in her seat, having a good time. But she’d look better in my arms.
“The girls have been really eager to get to know you,” my mom continues. “Iris, Lexi and Penny are truly incredible women. You’d love them if you gave them a chance.”
“Ma…” I groan.
“Sorry to pressure you. I just want to see your life back together.”
“I’m getting there.”
“And what about work? Money?”
“I’m good on money.” I think back to the thick stacks of hundred dollar bills under my couch.
“But you know that if you’re ever having financial troubles, you could turn to your father and me. We’re more than willing to help.”
I smile softly at her. “Stop worrying. I’ve got this. I’m good.”
She hesitates. “Or…maybe you could go back to Kingston Realties. Cannon would be more than happy to have you on board.”
I’m so done with this conversation.
I twirl my mother abruptly, taking her breath away. Her eyes widen with a gasp. I grin in her face. “I said I’m good, Ma.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Fine.” She pouts.
My attention wanders to Jessa’s table. My aunt MaryAnn is sitting there with her now. The two of them are talking and laughing up a storm which doesn’t surprise me. Jessa is too talkative for her own good and my nutty aunt would strike up a conversation with an empty cereal box if you left her alone with it for two minutes.
Ma’s voice brings me back. “The point is, we’re here for you. I’ll admit that when you were in prison, we lost hope that we’d ever get you back. But now that you’re here, we’d like very much for you to be a part of this family again, son.”
“I’d like that very much, too, Ma.” I squeeze her close to my chest and over the top of her head, I see Aunt MaryAnn’s college-aged son, Dmitri, approach the table, his eyes on Jessa.
Instantly, I want to punch the little punk in the throat. Cousin or no cousin.
What the hell is my problem? My problem is that Jessa’s not my woman when she should be.
Fighting this feeling is so hard. I don’t know how much longer I can do it.
Ma pulls back from my hug and sees me watching the nanny. She sees the look on my face as Dmitri reaches for her hand and gestures to the dance floor. She sees my relief when Jessa politely refuses his offer. She sees the way Jessa briefly glances my way before her eyes drop down to her plate.
“She’s something else, isn’t she?” my mother says wistfully.
Oh, boy. “She’s just the nanny.” I’m totally trying to bullshit myself.
“Why don’t you ask her to dance?” Ma suggests tenderly.
My heart throbs with the fear of rejection, the fear of admitting what I feel in front of my whole family.
I break out my don’t-push-it look for the second time tonight. “Ma, please…”
The woman gives me the stink-eye. “Eli…”
“No!” I snap out.
Her shoulders drop. “Just FYI—relationships don’t always turn out like it did with Gabby. Some women are good, reliable, trustworthy…Jessa is one of them.”
I swallow hard and let her words simmer in my head. As the song comes to an end, my daughter drops into a seat at the table with her grandfather. Her little mouth stretches into the biggest yawn.
I release my mother. “Thanks for the dance, Ma, but it’s time to take Callie home.” Before the woman can argue, I press a kiss to the top of her head and leave her on the dance floor.
35 Jessa
From my half-assed mermaid pose at the back of the dim-lit studio, I crane my neck toward the front of the room to get a better look at the woman leading tonight’s class.
She’s got thick blonde hair cascading all the way down her back. Radiant smile. Firm boobs. Flat stomach. A juicy butt that seems to be defying gravity as she seamlessly transitions into another freakish pose I don’t even bother attempting.
“Inhale deeply…” she says wistfully as if her limbs aren’t tied up like an old-fashioned telephone cord. “Feel the fire in your breath. Let it fill the shadows of your soul…”
I’m not the only one struggling to keep pace with the instructor-in-training. Somewhere in the far corner of the room, one of the students emits a panicked squeak before promptly toppling over and falling, chin first to the floor. Her sudden movement swipes the guy
