Anna’s gaze stayed riveted on the elegant column of flowing fabric that was Gaia Moonflower. The workshop leader was far better attired for her journey of self-love, and Anna’s sudden desire for a pair of wide-legged palazzo pants and necklaces dripping with crystals almost blocked her from hearing any more of Gaia’s introduction.
“This is a sacred space. You will be asked to do some of the exercises on your own, and you will be asked to do some of the exercises with partners. It is up to all of us to collectively create and maintain a safe place for learning and exploration.”
Partners? Could she quietly move her cushion next to Elaine?
Gaia stepped out of the ring of participants and walked the perimeter of the circle while continuing her remarks. “Let’s begin with introductions. Please share the name you have chosen with the group.”
Anna’s turn came and went, and “Saffron” slipped off her tongue as though she had been introducing herself as an exotic spice her entire life. Sage perched to her right, and Leo, the man who liked his beans dark-roasted and freshly ground, anchored the cushion to her left.
“Please make yourselves comfortable as we start our first exercise. You may sit upright or lie down, whatever your preference.”
An assistant dimmed the lights in the room. Choosing the supine option, Anna placed the small pillow under her head and covered herself with the blanket provided. She would have dragged her pile of accessories to the corner of the room if that was an option. It wasn’t, so she made do, speed-swiping through her memory banks for any similar prior experience. The closest match she found was a childbirth class she and Gary attended. Both events used lots of pillows and focused on what was going with her lungs and her reproductive organs. At least, she assumed Gaia would, at some point, mention those body parts. Weren’t they integral components to intimacy?
She wished she could share her internal commentary with Elaine as she plumped the pillow behind her head, covered the lower half of her legs with the soft blanket, and tried to see what the man beside her was doing without being too obvious.
Leo sat cross-legged on his big cushion like he was born to assume the lotus position. His shirt draped along the curves of his shoulder muscles. His hair was longer and wavier than she remembered, but then again, he’d looked a little travel-weary when he’d first crossed her path at the market.
She turned her head to peek at her other neighbor. He lay on his back, knees bent, his chest rising and falling with his breath. Multiple beaded necklaces slid closer and closer to his shoulder every time he inhaled. Buddha-bellied Sage appeared to not notice.
“As you settle, become attentive to your breath.” The measured tones of Gaia’s voice interrupted Anna’s mental meanderings. “Try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Soft. Smooth. Relax your jaw. Count the length of your inhale and the length of your exhale, and bring them into balance. As you tune into your breath, begin to bring your awareness into your chest…and your belly…and your back.”
Anna’s collarbones lifted and lowered, and her upper chest rose and fell in sync with her breath, and that was it. She couldn’t feel anything below her sternum until she got all the way down to her knees and toes, which were getting cold. She regretted not buying the cashmere socks.
“Place one hand over your heart and one hand on the lower part of your belly, between your navel and your pubic bones. I have three assistants here with me today, and any question you have is a valid one. Raise a hand at any time, and one of us will assist you.”
The only sounds in the room, aside from Gaia’s voice, were people exaggerating their breathing and adjusting their bodies as they followed her instructions.
“Notice the weight and warmth of the hand on your heart and the weight and warmth of the hand on your lower belly.”
So far, this was easier than the childbirth class. She didn’t have the constant urge to get up and pee, and she didn’t have a nervous husband trying way too hard to be a good labor coach. It also helped that Gaia’s words flowed like sun-warmed honey and trailed amber-scented fairy dust in their wake.
And Anna had been breathing since birth. She could do this.
“The next time you take an in-breath, inhale from your belly up to your heart, and exhale from your heart down to your belly. In your mind’s eye, create a channel that follows your spine. When you breathe in, the air flows up that channel, and when you breathe out, the air flows down the channel.”
The room became even quieter as everyone focused on following her instructions. Anna tried massaging her lower belly. She could feel her hand, but the sense of flowing with her breath? The best she could conjure resembled something more lump-like landing in her gut with a dull thud every time she exhaled. Why did this make her want to cry? She knew she had a heart. She knew her heart had some say in the role of intimacy in her past, but had everything simply dried up with Gary’s death? Did widowhood have to come with this kind of…severing?
Someone kneeled next to her and tapped her on one shoulder. Her eyes flew open. She had been concentrating so hard that she hadn’t felt them approach.
Gaia’s smile greeted her. “May I put my hands over yours?”
Anna nodded, afraid her voice would crack if she spoke aloud.
Gaia placed one of her hands over Anna’s heart and the other one over her belly and beamed a gentle smile. She matched the rhythm of her breath to Anna’s and signaled she should close her eyes.
Her mind fought the intimacy of having the woman’s hands resting on her body. This wasn’t the clinical touch of her family doctor or even
