Shawn looked down at the battered envelope in her hand. It was clear that it had been handled many times, probably read hundreds of times over the past six years. She carefully pulled the letter out and began to read it.
Mom –
I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that I was never able to be a daughter you could be proud of. I know that you have been very disappointed in me and I feel like I have failed you. I don’t know why I am the way I am, but I can’t find a reason to go on knowing that I can’t change how I feel and because of that, I have lost your love.
I’m sorry.
Beth
Shawn’s hands shook as she laid the letter down on the table and looked up into Sandy’s eyes. She could see the raw pain there, pain that six years had not erased.
Sandy smiled. “Shawn, I don’t know what has caused you to get to this point in your life where you seem so lost, but I want to explain a few things to you that I’ve learned from my daughter. You see, my daughter thought I didn’t love her because she was gay. She couldn’t have been more wrong but I certainly didn’t show her love, at least not how a parent should. I’ve come to understand that Beth was the way God made her, gay. It wasn’t something she chose, or something she could change. My reaction and treatment of her, while I thought it was showing love, was really showing her anything but that. Unconditional love doesn’t see flaws, it sees perfection. What Beth saw from me was judgment and rejection. I will forever live with the burden that my actions caused my daughter’s death. I want you to know that you are perfect just the way you are, flaws and all. You have so much to experience in life to waste any minute of it wondering if you are failing your parents. You are not the one with a reason to be ashamed; they are for not loving you like parents are meant to love their children, unconditionally.”
Sandy slid from the booth, gently picked up the letter and smiled at Shawn. “I don’t know how I know this, but you’re running from happiness aren’t you? Please promise me you won’t let them win. You deserve happiness and you deserve to be loved, so don’t give up on yourself or on those that truly love you.” She turned and walked out of the diner without looking back.
Shawn sat for what seemed like hours staring out of the window before she finally paid her bill and drove back to the hotel room. She climbed under the covers of the bed and waited for sleep to come, but it didn’t. You’re running from happiness aren’t you? How did she know that? Why am I letting my father’s words still rule my life? How can I ever fix this with Becca?
****
Rebecca pulled in the garage and shut off her car. It had been a very long day at work. She closed her eyes and thought about the baby they had delivered two hours before the end of the shift. The baby had been ten weeks premature and had immediately been whisked into the waiting hands of the NICU team. She laid her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. It had been a week since Shawn had left. No one had heard from her since she called out to the charge nurse. Rebecca was worried sick about her, hoping that she was okay. She felt like a piece of her was missing.
She climbed out of her car, closing the garage door on the way in the house. She tossed her keys on the counter, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and flopped down on the couch. Without paying attention to what was actually on, she flipped through the channels. Her phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. She picked it up and read it. It was from Sam. Are you up for visitors? She quickly typed her answer and hit send. You guys are always welcome here.
She got up and flipped the porch light on and sat back down on the couch. Her phone buzzed again. We are bringing dinner with us. We will see you in fifteen. She moved her fingers quickly over the touch screen. Thanks. See you soon.
She watched an episode of Law and Order: SVU while she waited for Sam, Jenna and Jackson to arrive, but her thoughts were on Shawn. Where was she? Was she okay? God I miss her like crazy. As long as she’s okay, that’s all that matters. A quick knock and the front door opened. Baby Jackson squealed with delight when he saw her and she held out her arms for him.
Jackson wrapped his little arms around her neck, laid his head on her shoulder briefly before leaning back and squealing at her again. She giggled and kissed his face. “How can anyone not melt when you turn on your charm?”
“Yes, we are going to have to keep an eye on him. He could charm anyone into being his slave.” Sam laughed as she hugged Rebecca, sandwiching the baby between them. Jackson squealed with glee and grabbed a handful of his mom’s hair.
“Ow, you little booger!” Sam exclaimed, working to pry his little fist open to release her hair.
Jenna called from the kitchen letting them know the food was out and ready for them to grab what they wanted. Rebecca deposited the baby on the living room floor near a basket of toys and went to get some food.
She hugged Jenna as she entered the kitchen. “Thank you girls so much for bringing this over, I really wasn’t up to making anything.”
“Well, to be honest, we were feeling a little down tonight
