Shawn stared after her. If she only knew, it is something I can’t change. I can’t change who I am and because of that my parents wish I didn’t exist.
Sandy returned a short time later with a plateful of food in hand. “This used to be my daughter’s favorite meal.” She said quietly. “She called it her comfort food.”
Shawn looked at the plate and realized it was probably one of her favorite meals also. Homemade meatloaf, mashed potatoes and sweet corn on the cob. She was exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically and for some reason the sight of it brought tears to her eyes.
“Thank you Sandy, it happens to be one of my favorites also.” Shawn said as she fought back tears she thought were irrational.
“Listen, I don’t mean to butt into your business, but I’m getting ready to clock out for the night. Would you like some company while you eat? I am not ready to go home to my empty house quite yet.” Sandy smiled.
“Sure, I don’t know if I will be very good company, but I don’t mind.” Shawn replied.
“Perfect. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Sandy said as she walked away towards the back of the diner.
Five minutes later, Sandy returned and slid into the opposite side of the booth. She brought two pieces of peach pie with her and a cup of coffee for herself.
“So Shawn, tell me where are you from?” Sandy asked with her customary smile on her face.
“Well, I grew up in South Carolina, just outside Charleston. I went to college at Duke though and ended up staying around after I graduated.” Shawn explained.
“So your family is all in South Carolina?” Sandy questioned gently.
“No, actually my parents still live there, but both my sisters now live in Charlotte also.” Shawn answered.
“Well that’s terrific. At least you have family close by and I’m sure that gives your parents plenty of reasons to visit often. It’s not too long of a drive either.” Sandy smiled.
“Rather the opposite I think. It gives them every reason not to visit Charlotte.” Shawn answered sarcastically.
“Why is that, if you don’t mind me asking?” Sandy’s smile had disappeared and had been replaced with frown lines between her brows.
“Well, I guess you could say they aren’t satisfied with the way we turned out.” Shawn replied bitterly. That’s a nice way of putting it. More like we are an embarrassment to them.
“I don’t know you, obviously, but how exactly did you and your sister’s turn out that would be a reason to not visit you?” Sandy asked gently, her kind smile had returned.
Shawn glanced around gauging whether any of the remaining diners were listening and then back at the lady sitting across at the booth from her. Hell, what does it matter if anyone hears? When did I start caring if people know I’m a lesbian?
She took a deep breath. “My parents are, shall we say, very status oriented. They have a very narrow view of what is socially acceptable, especially in old families.” She glanced up at Sandy. “My sister Sam and I are both lesbians you see and that certainly is not acceptable to them. They’ve made it abundantly clear that my lifestyle choice is nothing but disgusting to them.”
Sandy looked away briefly and Shawn thought she saw tears in her eyes. When she looked back she reached across the table and took Shawn’s hand gently. “Is that why you are so down?”
Shawn laughed quietly, without humor. “I suppose in a manner of speaking yes, but it’s more than that. I’ve dealt with their disapproval of me since I was little. It’s the biggest reason I stayed living in Charlotte after I graduated. I finally was to a point in my life where I thought I could actually be happy.” Her eyes filled with tears again. Damnit, why can’t I keep my emotions under control?
“Shawn, would you mind if I told you a story?” Sandy asked.
Shawn simply nodded without lifting her head.
“Six years ago I lost my only child, my daughter Beth. She was the love of my life but my actions certainly didn’t show that to her. When Beth was 17 she told me she was gay. I didn’t react well to it. I was raised to think that homosexuality was an abomination to God and that anyone who was gay was going straight to hell. I was also raised that homosexuality was a choice. When Beth told me she was gay, I lectured her for hours on how God’s word said that it was a sin and that she could change if she just asked God to change her.” Sandy quietly wiped her eyes, not caring if anyone saw her tears.
“Beth began to withdraw from me and when she turned eighteen, she moved out. I didn’t hear from her for two years. She called me one night to tell me she was going to be in town and she wanted me to meet her girlfriend. I told her I couldn’t accept the life she had chosen and I would continue to pray that she would change.” Sandy paused, looking at the window for so long that Shawn thought she was done.
“Three years after that I received a phone call from a detective sergeant with the Macon, Georgia police department. He said that he was very sorry to let me know, but my daughter had hung herself in her apartment. She had left a letter in an envelope addressed to me and he wanted to be sure that I got it. I was devastated. I cried for days for my little girl. And then a package arrived from the sergeant with her letter included. I carry that letter with me every day to remind me to never take for granted each moment of life.” Sandy reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope, handing it to Shawn. “This is what
