After I realized that, James and I watched my family films, that had always been one of my secrets and he rubbed my back soothingly and held me against him as I cried, he even cried with me. We watched one of when I went out for Halloween, the month before the accident. I was dressed as a fairy, with a little pink dress that flowered at the bottom and pink little shoes with sparkly wings that shone with glitter in the light. Mom had worked for over two weeks to make the dress perfect for me and I loved it. I felt so special wearing my fairy costume to school, no one had the same costume as me and all the other fairies looked the same but me. I was one of a kind and they were all jealous. Mom always made my costumes for me, just like her mom had done for her. I never got the chance to meet my mom’s parents because they had died before I was born when mom was still in college. Mom had me a year after and dropped out of college when she was only twenty-one and dad was twenty-two, they married but divorced and luckily stayed good friends. Then mom met Miguel when she was three months pregnant with me and he married her thirteen days before I was born. They got married fast, they were so in love, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime, the kind of love I always dreamed to have myself.
I decided I’d call Gran tonight, it had been over a month since I had been over to see her and it was time for a visit. I used to go to Gran’s every Thursday and Friday and whenever dad needed a babysitter. Gran pretty much took over mom’s role. She helped with my homework and cooked me dinner and did all the other things dad didn’t do because he was a workaholic, and then she acted as my friend; talked about boys, took me shopping, would take me to the movies, but mostly we baked. We baked for the numerous charities and parties she attended, and we’d bake just for fun. I learned all about baking from her and recipes, I even experimented with on my own, it had become my passion, baking and reading. I put on the pounds with my comfort eating and all the sampling of the creations I made.
I used to bake all the time for James, one of his favorite treats where white chocolate chunk lemon macadamia cookies and they were good, there was a little orange in there but that was a secret. I tried to teach him to cook but he preferred it when I cooked because then the treats wouldn’t end up burnt or too salty. Whenever he did do a good job he’d still complain and say mine were better in the end. I missed baking for James and asking his opinion when I created a new recipe. I missed James. Even after all he did to me, I still missed him, in my heart I knew I’d take him back in an instant and forget all that he did, if I could just have him for one minute and have it be the way we used to be. I phoned Gran and made plans to visit her Friday night and sleepover until Sunday and then after our little conversation, I jumped on the elliptical machine dad had bought me and did my daily home workout.
I didn’t ask for much and I was not extravagant, like Reggie, Gert or even Paix now, when it came to clothes, they were designer whereas I was Walmart, when they would go out, I chose to stay in, so when I asked Dad for the elliptical machine he agreed right away, there was no trouble. I’d been using it every day since school ended last year and the results were astonishing, that and I’d grown three inches. I turned on my iPod and began to cycle, I pushed myself until my legs were like noodles and I was sweating like a pig and then wobbled to the bathroom and took a well-deserved shower. I came out feeling clean and strong, a very refreshing feeling. I’d had a hard night full of buried feelings and tomorrow they’d continue to be dug up and it would be another hard day but like mom always used to say, it can only get better if you remain positive, so I thought positively and hoped she was right.
Dad woke me up in the morning.
“Happy birthday kiddo,” he said, sitting on the edge of my bed. I smiled at him as he smoothed out my hair. Dad woke me up every birthday at 7:24 AM since my
