“Yeah, I would assume you do.”
I was angry for a long time after Keith threatened me and I felt it was the best choice to let him off the hook. I took it out on everyone, including Derek.
“I know you don’t believe this, but Chastity…she’s truly the kindest person. She’s nothing like me as a kid, and I don’t even understand what could’ve gotten into her to say something so cruel. But know that I will not accept that behavior from her.”
“I appreciate that, but it doesn’t surprise me that Everly said anything to provoke it, if I’m being honest.”
I didn’t expect that, and then I think about what she must be going through. Losing her mother, moving to this tiny-ass town where she knows no one. I would be pissed off at the world and everyone around me.
“Regardless…”
“Yeah, regardless…”
There is so much I want to say, ask, and hold on to. As much as I was upset, the truth is, I’ve missed him. He was more than just the man I loved, he was my everything. He knew all my truths and lies. Derek was a part of my soul and when I lost him, he took it with him.
My eyes study him. He’s so different and yet the same. His hair is a little longer and has a hint of gray, but his eyes are kind and make my heart stutter. There’s a warmth under all of that hurt. I wonder if he can still see through me? Can he see that I’ve missed him? Does he know how many times I’ve wanted to call? Does he know how many times I’ve wanted him to call me?
Does he see that I love him? Not only as someone I’ve always loved but also for who he is at his core or at least who he was.
I open my mouth to say something but Mr. Beeson enters. “Have you two talked?”
Derek nods. “I think we can handle this without the school intervening. Everly was wrong to say what she did, and I’d like to give the girls the opportunity to work it out. Especially since I’m staying here permanently.”
Permanently? I’ll never be able to avoid him. I’ll have no choice but to become a damn hermit if I want to survive.
It’s clear that too much time has passed and we’ll never be friends again. Besides, how can I be friends with him when everything I’d ever felt for him is clearly very much alive?
“Are you sure?” Mr. Beeson asks. We both nod.
His lips turn to a flat smile. “I think that’s the best idea. Everly and Chastity will need to figure out a way to coexist and I’d like to not have the rest of the student body feel the need to involve themselves. Besides”—Mr. Beeson looks to both of us—“if they’re anything like their parents, they might need a little push to be great friends.”
“Well, friendships change,” Derek says, his eyes filling with regret.
“Yeah.” I sigh. “And sometimes they’re never what we thought.”
* * *
“Teagan, are you okay?” Nina asks as I sit on her couch, drinking a glass of wine.
“Huh?”
“You’re off in another world.”
I have been since I got home. Chastity is now grounded, which honestly isn’t much of a punishment at all. She’ll beat herself up about what she said enough without me having to do anything.
We’d talked about kindness in the face of cruelty although the other side of me, the mama-bear side, is proud of her. She stood up for herself.
Still, she hadn’t exactly acted like the child I raised her to be.
“I’m just…processing.”
“It was a lot today, huh?”
I look at Nina. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you forgive me? I mean really forgive me for how I treated you in high school?”
Nina places her glass down. “Why would you ask that?”
Because I was a wretched bitch and I hate myself for it. I wish I could go back in time, change how I was and what I thought was acceptable behavior. There’s no excuse and if I were her, I would never be nice to me. Let alone be friends with me.
“We both know I wasn’t a good person.”
“You weren’t a bad person either. You were just around people who didn’t bring out the best in you, but you weren’t mean to me.”
I huff. “Yeah, okay.”
“You weren’t! You didn’t purposely go out of your way to be a bitch.”
“But I was a bitch and now Chastity is saying shitty things that remind me all too much of myself.”
“Now you’re being silly.” Nina rolls her eyes. “That girl doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. And I’m sorry, but what Derek’s daughter said to her warranted a response. She doesn’t know you or what you’ve been through and why say it? It was meant to provoke. Chastity is kind and didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”
I agree with her, but it’s still hard to see her getting in trouble for something even a little like I did. My regret regarding how I treated Nina and others is something I struggle with to this day.
“Still, I was not a great person and I want to say I’m sorry—again. I’m so sorry.”
Nina and I have had this talk many times. I know I’m not the same person I was back then. Not even close, and she’s over it, but there’s still times I feel her holding back. I don’t blame her. I wish I had a way to make it up to her. I should’ve never listened to my friends back then. I called her names and I’m not proud of my behavior.
I didn’t really change until I became friends with Derek.
“Stop apologizing, Tea. We were kids. You were not even half as mean as Lori or Kelly were. Those girls I’d like to see tarred and feathered, but you were kind.”
“When no one was looking.”
“You’re so upset with yourself at
