“I don’t know that I ever can.”
She touches my arm. “Then my forgiveness, which I granted you a million years ago, means nothing. None of us are like that anymore. It would be ridiculous to hold on to all that for this long. Plus, you’ve atoned for your mistakes, don’t you think?”
“Just…it feels like time is going in reverse.”
“Because Derek is back?”
That’s probably exactly why. I see him and now I’m thrown back in time. How we would sneak out, hang out at the beach for hours talking about a future neither of us ever lived.
Derek made me believe I was good.
He made it sound so easy to leave behind the parts of myself I didn’t like. When I was with him, I felt…real.
I didn’t have to hide my fears because he didn’t make me.
Now he’s back and everything inside of me is unsettled.
“You should’ve seen him, Nina,” I say with a wistful sigh. “He was…the same and then not.”
“I can’t believe his wife died. Do you know how?”
“I don’t. We didn’t really talk much.”
She squeezes my hand. “You guys have a lot that probably needs to be said. You know, like how you were in love with him and he broke you.”
Each time I thought the time was right, it wasn’t. I was with Keith. He was with some other girl. Then, when I was finally ready, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t care about his relationship with Meghan because it was supposed to be me. At least, that’s what I thought. I was young, dumb, and naive, but I wanted that. I felt like, if he could just see me as more than a friend, the rest would be so easy. It was right there in front of us.
Then, everything in my world came to a halt.
“There’s really nothing to say anymore.”
“Really?”
“What exactly would I say at this point? Hi, I was in love with you since I was seventeen but I was too big of a chicken shit to ever tell you and see if you felt the same way. Then, you broke my heart in a million fucking pieces when you married Meghan.” I sigh with a shake of my head. “He chose her, Nina. He knew…he had to have known. There’s no way he didn’t see that I was madly in love with him.”
She leans back, watching me as tears start to form. “So you think he knew and didn’t care?”
The tidal wave of emotion crashes over me. The current is so strong and the more I fight against it, the more it’s pulling me under. Right now, my legs are tired from kicking, trying to get out for the last thirteen years.
“No. He chose who he wanted in his life, which says everything I already knew…I wasn’t the one.”
Chapter Eight
Derek
Eighteen years old
“I hate college.”
“Everyone hates their first year of college.”
“No, but I really hate it,” I tell Teagan as we’re wrapped up in a blanket back in Chincoteague.
It’s freezing, but I don’t care, I have my best friend with me and life makes sense.
“You only hate it because I’m not there with you.” She nudges me and then rests her head on my shoulder.
If she only knew how true that statement was. We’re only a few hours away from each other, but it feels like an entire ocean separates us. In high school, it was so easy to see her every day.
I miss her.
“So transfer schools,” I encourage her. She’ll never do it, but I can’t help but ask.
“You transfer schools.”
“We both know I can’t.”
The scholarship I got was highly competitive. My tuition is practically nothing compared to everyone else in the veterinary program. While my family isn’t poor, we’re not loaded either. Dad came out of his college with enough loans to drown in and my mother works for him. They’ve saved a little for me, but not nearly enough to cover the costs.
“I know, but I miss you.”
Sometimes, when she says it, I can almost pretend she means it in a different way. Then I remember she’s with Keith and slap myself out of that delusion.
“I miss you too.”
She sighs and snuggles closer. “I’m freezing.”
“Well, it’s December.”
“We really need to pick a new spot to meet at.”
Never. This spot is where our friendship formed. “Not likely.”
Teagan lifts her head and smiles. “It’s special to me too. This is where you realized what an amazing person I am and how lucky you are to have me.”
“Is that so?”
She’s correct, but I’ll never give her a win that easily.
“Yup. You had no idea I was this extraordinary, did you?”
“Nope. I still don’t either.”
“Liar.”
I shake my head. “Did you ever think that you’re the lucky one out of this friendship?”
Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “I know I am.”
And it’s moments like this, when she’s not the perfect cheerleader or student, that she takes my breath away. She looks at me as though I’m the one person in the world who makes her happy, and I don’t know how to keep fighting against wanting more.
“I was thinking…” I start.
“That’s scary.”
I laugh once. “Shut up. I’m serious. I was thinking about what it would be like if…” I want to say: we dated. The words are on the tip of my tongue, desperate to get out, but then the fear becomes too much.
This is Teagan, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose her.
“If…?”
“If we were at the same school.”
She purses her lips and moves my arm to go over her shoulder. “It would be the end of me and Keith, that’s for sure.”
“Yeah, God knows we wouldn’t want to upset him.”
Like I give a shit about Keith. Stupid asshole.
“Stop, you know he’s just jealous…and an idiot.”
He’s completely undeserving of her. She’s a prize and he’s a thief that’s stealing something that shouldn’t belong to him.
“Yet…you’re still dating
