I hate keeping the bigger reason from my friends, but I won’t tell anyone else before I tell Declan. He deserves to know about the baby before my friends do.
“I don’t like it, but I understand your choice. When will you leave?” Ellie asks.
I lift one shoulder. “It depends on when I can get the house sold.”
Chapter Twelve
Sydney
“Sydneybean, I think you’re fussing over nothing,” Jimmy says as I wipe the counter for the third time.
“I don’t know what they’re looking for.”
“Land, and you have it. A lot of it.”
Yes, but I have this house too, and it’s worth something. It’s where I came down the stairs and found Declan waiting to take me to prom. It’s filled with Christmas memories, and the small dent from when Sierra did a handstand and fell, putting a hole in the wall.
Even the bad memories have a voice.
“Still, I don’t want anyone to judge the house poorly.”
He grabs the coffee mug and takes a long sip, all the while staring at me.
I know he has something he wants to say. “Just spit it out, Jimmy.”
He sets his mug down before crossing his arms over his chest. “You think you’re fooling the world, Bean, but you’re not fooling this old man. You’ve got a secret.”
Oh, Lord. Not today, please.
“I have many secrets.”
“Not with me you don’t.”
Well, he’s wrong there, but I’m not going to argue. The thing is, he does know me. He was always good at seeing through the crap, and I could never get away with lying or telling him half-truths. That said, I’m not ready to tell him either.
“There’s something going on that I can’t talk about right now, but I promise, I’m fine and when I can tell you, I will.”
Jimmy leans back, watching me. “I appreciate the honesty, but that doesn’t explain why you’re leaving town. This is your home, darling.”
“People move.”
“Yes, but is that what you really want?”
Would I have stayed here if I weren’t pregnant? Yes. I would’ve, but I am pregnant and not stupid enough to think that raising a baby alone will be easy. I need a support system. So, I’m doing what I have to.
“All I want is for you to be happy, if that means you leave here, then so be it.”
I walk over to him and kiss his cheek. “You know, I always wished you could be my daddy.”
He pulls me into his arms, chin resting on my head. “I did too, Bean, but the Lord knew we needed each other, so he put us together. Your father didn’t deserve you. To leave a child like that is unthinkable. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and you’re not even mine.”
We don’t talk much about Hal Hastings. No one brings him up because there is not much to say other than he was an ass.
I step back, needing a bit of space. “Do you think he regrets it?”
“He should. If he doesn’t, then he’s a bigger fool than either of us already know him to be. He punished you and Sierra when you did nothing wrong. How he can stay away from his kids is beyond me, but not to know his grandkids? Well, that’s just unforgivable.”
For a second, panic grips me, and I wonder if he knows, but then I remember that my sister has two boys. “I keep trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter, but it does.”
“I don’t think any child can not care when a parent doesn’t love them. I lost my mother when I was an infant and not having her in my life changed me. But you and Sierra had Hal in your life for years before he left. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think that would change you.”
I swallow back the fear that bubbles up. This is what I stress over regarding the baby I’m carrying. Wouldn’t it be better for him or her to never know Declan than to face knowing he didn’t want them?
“But did it make me better?”
He smiles, touching my cheek. “It made you strong.”
Funny that a few minutes ago he was saying I was running. “Strong enough to sell the farm.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I guess you got me there.”
The back screen door creeks open, and I jump before seeing dark brown hair and green eyes I would know anywhere appear. “Sorry, I knocked on the front door, but no one answered.”
Declan grins when he sees Jimmy. The two of them shared a bond that was deep, and I think Jimmy was as heartbroken as I was when we split up. He lost Declan the same as I did.
“Declan Arrowood, as I live and breathe.” Jimmy steps toward him, arms wide.
“I’m so sorry, Jimmy,” Declan says, embracing him.
“You were a man.” Jimmy’s voice is thick with emotion. “Don’t apologize for making a choice, son, even if it was the wrong one.”
“Not all of us are as smart as you.”
Jimmy’s deep throaty laugh fills the room. “That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.”
Declan claps his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
The two fall into an easy conversation, and I slip out to give them some privacy. I head up to my room, grab my sweater, and then tidy up a bit.
The bed has been in the same place since I was fourteen and still faces the window. I always wanted to be able to see him if he visited at night. I convinced Jimmy that every girl should have a reading area, so we turned the bay window that was there into a nook that had cabinets and a padded bench. It was perfect for Declan to drop down onto.
Does he recall the nights he would sneak into my bedroom and hold me as I cried? I glance out the window, looking at the oak tree that no longer has the long branch he would climb. I cut that down two months after he left me, once I realized
