I turn my back to the window and sigh.
It’s weird having Declan in my house again. I’m doing what I can not to think about it, but that makes me think even more.
Being near him makes everything so real again. The pain and the love I felt for him wasn’t gone, but I could live around it. Now, it’s undeniable.
My hand rests on my belly, thinking of the life that grows there. As soon as I sell the house, I’m going to tell him. At least then, I’ll be detached from the memories and ready for the next phase of my life. There’s no point in staying in Sugarloaf if I won’t have a life with him.
It wouldn’t be fair to any other man I met. The memories that haunt me are in this home, this town, this room. I need to free myself of it so I can forge ahead.
“You okay?”
I jump at the sound of Declan’s voice. “You scared me.”
“Sorry about that. Wow, this room is ... incredible.”
While some of the room is the same, other things are different. The bedding, draperies, and the ugly striped wallpaper are gone. Now, it’s much more me ... a little bit rustic, a little bit glamorous, and a love of style. I look around at the dark gray paint that has pops of yellow and teal to make the space feel bigger. I hung a chandelier over the bed that has crystals shooting prisms everywhere and when the fireplace is on, it’s magical. The last thing I did was add a built-in bookcase made of pipe and barn wood to give it a bit of farmhouse.
“Thanks.”
“You really did a lot with the house.”
“When I got the property, I wanted to update it to match my tastes.”
Declan continues to look around. “Well, all of this is beautiful.”
My heart warms at his praise. I love this house. I’ve done everything I could to make it my own and still keep with the original feel of it. It’s updated but still has that old farm look.
“Did you and Jimmy have a good talk?”
“We did. He seems happy with the idea of retiring.”
I nod. “He’s been doing this a long time.”
Declan laughs. “You think he’d ever abandon you? He’d cut his arm off before he’d let that happen. You needed him.”
My throat grows tighter, and the love I have for Jimmy swells. I didn’t think that I was the reason why. I’m not his daughter, even if he does love me like I am. I thought he liked the farm and needed it to stay busy. Here I had it in my thick head that I was doing him a favor, not the other way around.
“Now I feel like an asshole.”
“Why?”
“Because I was keeping the farm for him.”
His lazy smile causes my stomach to clench. I really love that one. His eyes crinkle just a bit on the left and his irises seem to darken, making him impossible to resist. Not that I could resist anything about him, but this made it even harder.
“Maybe it’s time that you both let it go.”
I nod, feeling as if that’s exactly what we all need. “And maybe now is the right time, you know?”
Declan nods. “Hopefully, I can help you accomplish that.”
“I hope so too.” Because in the end, we both have a lot to lose.
Chapter Thirteen
Declan
I would do anything to help her, including helping her put more distance between us, which has been gnawing at me each day since I made her that offer.
I have loved Sydney Hastings since the day I met her, and that has never gone away.
I lift my fingertips, just grazing my knuckles against her cheek. Her eyelids flutter closed, long dark lashes fanning out against her cheekbones, and I cup her face. Her cheek falls into my palm as though it’s natural.
God, I want her so much.
Her head is in my hands, and my heart is at her feet. She has no idea how badly I want to be the man she still sees.
Our breathing is heavy and her body leans closer to mine.
My other arm snakes around her without pause and then I lean down, wanting to feel more, be closer.
At the same time, Sydney lifts her head and then our lips touch.
It’s gentle at first, almost as though neither of us meant to do it, and then, I snap.
My arm cinches around her, pulling her tighter to me as her hands grip my face. My tongue slides into her mouth, both of us moan.
I pour everything into the kiss, hoping she feels the anger, love, frustration that it isn’t enough to make things different, and the way I wish it could be. The taste of her mouth is like heaven.
“Declan.” She groans my name as I push her against the wall.
“You’re so beautiful,” I tell her, and then my mouth is on hers again.
Sydney’s fingers tangle into my hair, keeping me where she wants me, but I wouldn’t leave her if an army stormed the house. This is what I need.
Her.
Everything she is makes me feel alive. Our lips move together in the way they always have, as if we’re two souls that become one. She’s the beat in my heart and for so long, it’s been dead.
And then, she turns her head away.
“Stop,” she says with so much pain in her voice, it breaks me.
I take a step back, trying to get control over myself. Jesus Christ, I had her shoved against the wall and … I’m a fucking bastard.
“Syd.”
“No. Please.” Her eyes are pleading as she smooths her clothes. “It was … it’s fine. I got carried away.”
“What?”
“It was an old memory or a dream I had about you being in here. I apologize.”
Now anger takes hold. “I kissed you.”
Her eyes widen. “No, I kissed you.”
“Sydney, I assure you that I instigated that kiss and I would’ve kissed you until I had you in the same predicament as the last time if
