“I can’t love her and think to weigh her down with all of this. I can’t give her a future, and I won’t break my word.” My heart is breaking just thinking about it, but I have to stay strong. “If I stay with her, we will always be tied to this town. I can’t do it. I have to leave, start a new life, and give her the opportunity to do the same.”
Sean pinches the bridge of his nose. “She’ll never let you go.”
I shake my head, blowing out a low breath. “She doesn’t have a choice.”
I walk away because there’s nothing more to say. At this point, all that is left is the hurt and pain from the decisions we’ve made. I have to spare her. From this point on, I have to hold on to the fact that what I’m doing is right. No matter how much it kills me to do it.
After everyone is asleep, I head out of the house and down through the fields. I could walk this in my sleep and find my way to Sydney. She’s always been the pull that keeps me moving forward. When we met, we were little more than two kids with horrible fathers, but we found a closeness I never knew was possible. Now, I have to sever it.
When I reach their modest farmhouse, I climb the oak tree that gets me close enough to her window that I can knock four times.
After a few minutes, the pane lifts, and I feel like I can breathe.
Sydney’s long blonde hair is in a braid, and while she may have been asleep, her eyes are bright and full of life.
“What’s wrong?” she asks immediately.
“I’m leaving to go back to New York tonight.”
“I thought you were staying the rest of the summer?” I can hear the disappointment in each word.
I have to let her go. I love her too much to drag her down with me. “I can’t stay.”
She releases a heavy sigh. “Go to the barn, I’ll meet you down there. I don’t want to wake my mother.”
Before I can reply, she slides the window closed, leaving me no choice. I can either get out of the tree and leave without meeting her, making me even more of an asshole, or I can do as she asks and let her know this is really the end.
When my feet hit solid ground, Syd is there, wearing my letterman jacket pulled tight and a pair of sweatpants.
She’s never looked more beautiful.
I take a step toward her without even thinking.
“Why are you leaving, Dec?”
I lift my hand, brushing back the stray hair that came loose from her braid. I’ll never touch her face again. I’ll never see the way she smiles or feel her in my arms. So many last times have already passed. I can never get them back, but I’ll hold them tight.
“I have to.”
“Your dad?”
I nod. “The thing is, Syd. I’m not ever coming back.”
Her lips part, and she sucks in a breath. “What?”
“I’m done with this town, and I can’t be here anymore. All of this … the small-town life, I can’t do it.”
She blinks a few times and then clutches her stomach. “What about all the promises you made? What about how you swore you’d never abandon me? You know I can’t leave here. My mother and sister need me, and I love it here.”
“And I love New York.”
“And do you love me?”
More than anything. More than I can ever tell her.
“Not enough to stay.”
I watch the hurt dance across her face as she steps back. “Not … enough?” Then her eyes narrow. “What the hell is going on, Declan? This isn’t us. This isn’t you. You love me. I know you love me!” She moves closer, her hand grabs my wrist, and she places my palm to her chest. “I feel it here. I know you better than anyone. Don’t lie to me.”
I need to end it quickly. She does know me better than anyone, and I have to protect her from my father’s fallout. I vowed to do what I have to in order to protect my brothers, and that means breaking two more hearts tonight—hers and mine.
“You don’t know me!” I almost roar. “You and I … we’ve been fun, but I’m tired of it. We were only fooling ourselves by thinking we could make a long-distance relationship work. Plus, we’re not even out of college yet. No one meets the person they’re going to marry in high school. Promises are broken, and I’m over trying to force myself to make this work. You want to stay here, that’s fine. But I will never spend another night in this fucking town as long as I live.”
Sydney turns her back and nods. But that isn’t my girl. She’s a fighter, and when her blue eyes find mine, there’s fire in them. “I see. So, to hell with me? Screw the fact that for the last seven years I’ve loved you? It doesn’t matter that I’ve waited for you? Been here for you all this time? I mean that little to you, Declan?”
She’s the world, but I can’t tell her that.
“I don’t care about you like that, Syd. I’ve been pretending for a while. I never want to get married. I’ll never have kids. And I’ll never love you like you want.”
Her mouth drops, and she shoves my chest—hard. “Fuck you! Fuck you for saying that to me! I’ve given you everything, and this is how you repay me? You know what? Just go. Go and love your city life. Go and run away from everything we’ve promised each other. You’ll be alone and sad, and you know what? You deserve it. I hate you! You’re as bad as my father, and we
