“Good, I guess it looked worse than it was.”
“Yeah, thank God.”
My head is a mess, but the last thing I want is my brother to be unhappy. “Look, I just want to say one more thing. It may be too late for me, but it’s not for you to find someone. You’re a good guy, and I know that kids and a wife are something you’ve always wanted.”
Sean is quiet for a minute. “And why is it too late for you?”
I glance out toward the field that divides me from what I want most in this world and grip the windowsill. “Because I lost the only person who could ever be worth it, but I’m not good enough for her. She’s leaving and I have to let her go.”
“And that’s where you’re a fool. That woman thinks you’re more than enough. Maybe it’s time you start believing it yourself.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Sydney
“That’s ... that’s a great offer, right?” I look at Devney, who’s reading the email from Milo over my shoulder.
“It’s what you wanted.”
This one is the full asking price, which is less than the one I got from the developer, but Milo knows the buyer personally. He sent over the offer, and I’m in shock. The buyer wishes to remain anonymous because the person is influential, but whoever it is, is looking for a quaint home in the country with land for days. Apparently, they want a respite from the city life where their cows can roam and they can work.
“Do you think it’s someone famous?” Devney asks.
“I mean, it makes sense.”
She beams. “What if it’s Emily Young and her husband? She was just here, right? She could’ve fallen in love with our little town and wants to make her next big hit in Sugarloaf.”
It could be. I don’t know if Milo knows her personally, but it makes sense. “I don’t know, should I care? It’s exactly what I wanted. You know? Like, this is the kind of thing I hoped for. Not a builder who would come in and tear up the land and build strip malls or condos.”
Devney scratches the side of her head and then moves her lips side to side.
I groan, knowing this won’t end until she says her piece. “Spit it out.”
“Fine. You could stay. You don’t need to sell the farm. I said it before, and I mean it, Declan will be gone in a few months. Why do you need to move?”
“Because it’s too hard!”
“What is? He’s been fine. You guys aren’t fighting and you haven’t been holed up inside your house just to avoid him. Hell, if you didn’t want to see him, all you would have to do is just ... tell him to go away when you’re coming around. I feel like there’s something more you don’t want to tell me, which is not like you.”
There is so much more. Sierra didn’t help, and now, Devney isn’t either. It’s all so much weighing on me, and I can’t take it. I feel as though I’m breaking apart and no one understands.
“It’s too much! I love him, Dev. I love him, and I can’t keep walking around where we should be, you know? Like, I see the barn and think about how we made love there. I can’t even go to the fucking pond. Everything at that place reminds me of him.”
“Why is it so much worse now?” Her voice is tender, and there’s a bit of understanding there.
“He’s always been everywhere, but now that I’ve been around him again, I know that when he leaves, I’ll have to feel that loss again. All that we could’ve been will be back in full force, and I won’t be able to pretend anymore. I’ve done it for so long, but I won’t be able to go back to that.”
She touches her hand to her chest and nods. “I understand. I hate to see you go. I wish I could do something—anything—to make it easier for you. I wish I could go with you, Syd, but … I can’t.”
I bounce at the idea. “Why can’t you? We could start over.”
Her lips part and she exhales. “There are things that I can’t leave.”
“Like what?”
Devney smiles softly. “My family is here.”
I shake my head. It’s no big secret that Devney can’t stand her family. She and her mother are constantly fighting. She went away to college and I was shocked when she came back. I thought for sure she’d stay out there. “Dev …”
“Look, I can’t go. I have things that are important to me here. And so do you, Sydney. I don’t want you to have regrets.”
That’s what I fear most. I don’t think it’ll happen right away. I’ll be close to my sister and family, and they’ll help me through it. I know I won’t be alone. It’s down the road when the baby is older and wants to know about the farm or Declan that I worry about.
Although, who knows what’ll happen when I tell Declan. He may be glad to have me farther away since he’s made it clear that children and a life with me isn’t what he wants. He can go back to New York and live his life, and I’ll take care of everything else.
Then there’s the possibility that he’ll want to be a part of it. I just don’t know what to do, but I have to make choices and then deal with it. If Declan wants to be a part of the baby’s life, of course, I’d encourage it. It just doesn’t mean I have to stay here. At least in a new place, it won’t be the past haunting me.
“Sydney?” Devney breaks through my thoughts.
“Sorry, yeah,
