“What are you saying?”
My throat is tight as I stare at him. “You don’t have to fight anymore, Declan. I see it all now and I’m so sorry that I’ve pushed you these last few months. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you. I thought that if I could make you fight …”
Declan releases me, retreating a few paces, his chest rising and falling. There’s anger, hurt, and frustration in his eyes. “I am fighting for you!” He roars before stepping forward and cupping my face between his gentle palms. “I’m fighting with everything I am because I love you.” His voice has dropped to almost a whisper. “I would rather cut my own heart out than ever hurt you again. Don’t you see that? Do you understand that my not falling to my knees and begging you to just fucking love all the pieces you say you want is to save you? It’s not that I don’t want you, Sydney. I don’t fucking deserve you! I need you more than anything in this world!”
That’s where he’s wrong. I grab his wrists and push forward. His hands hold my face as he pulls me so we’re a breath apart and then he slams our lips together. He kisses me with everything in him, and then, I kiss Declan back. Two planets colliding couldn’t hold a candle to the way we connect.
Gone is sanity and reason, all that exists is us.
I hold on to him, afraid he’ll let me go, but he doesn’t.
Declan pulls me tighter against him, his hands moving down to my neck and then around to my back.
Our tongues move in unison and I drink in all that is him. His power, his strength, and I give him back all of mine.
We are stronger together.
His hands move down, cupping my ass, and I moan into his mouth. I need him more than anything. Once again, he makes me crazy, only this time, it isn’t with the need to say goodbye. It’s with the hope for something more that is driving the madness.
Yes, I’m moving.
Yes, he’s leaving.
But, God, what if ... we can be more?
What if he can see that we could be a family?
We can figure this out and I won’t give up or run away.
That’s what we’re both doing, and I’m too tired to take another step. So, it has to be up to him to stop with me.
“I need you, Declan. I need you, so please don’t push me away,” I beg and then kiss him again. If his lips are to mine, he can’t refuse me.
For a split second, he breaks away, and I want to scream, but then he leans down and scoops me into his arms.
My hand rests against his neck, and he stares down at me. “It’s me who needs you.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Declan
This is everything I’ve been fighting against, but holding her, kissing her, and seeing her smile has fucked me up in the head.
Sydney was supposed to be my forever. As Connor spoke his vows, it was like a part of me broke away. I saw her eyes, the way the tears hovered just on the edge, and it was me who fell.
I could see it all, and then, watched it leave when she walked back down the aisle.
Now, Syd is here, asking for my all, and I’m unable to refuse.
In my arms, I hold all that matters. Looking away from here isn’t possible because this could all be a mirage. As soon as I let go, she might disappear, but Sydney is real. She stares right back at me as we enter the small living space.
“This isn’t what I pictured?” Her voice is the sweetest sound.
“No?” I ask as I flick the switch to turn the fireplace on and then approach.
My arms wrap around her, holding the only thing in the world that matters. When she said all that, gave in, it was like I snapped. Everything I had feared disappeared because no matter what I’ve tried to convince myself of, losing her again would be the end.
“Don’t let me go,” Sydney begs.
I walk back to the bed and put her down. I look at the woman I love, wanting to say all the things I’m feeling. Give her the truth that I’m the buyer of the house, the night I left, and all the fucked-up dreams I have about the future.
For some reason, she believes in me.
She sees the man I can be instead of the man I am. To her, I’m not broken, a failure, or unworthy.
I would give anything for that to be true. “You have no idea how beautiful you are. How much I want you.”
She leans up, pressing her hand to my lips. “When we talk, we say things we can’t take back.”
I rub my thumb against her cheek. “Then let me show you all I want to say.”
I vow, right here, to love her with everything I am so that tomorrow maybe she’ll hate me a little less. Maybe she’ll feel all that I wish we could be.
“Declan, I should—”
It’s my turn to stop her from speaking, pressing my lips to hers. Once I feel the fight drain from her, I murmur against her lips. “No talking, Sydney. Just let me love you.”
A soft, sweet cry escapes her lips, and she nods. Her fingers trace lines down my cheeks, and I kiss her more reverently this time. It isn’t to silence her. It’s because I’ve gone so long without this, and I want to drown in her touch, rejoice in her love, and stay here where I
