“I told you why.”
“The truth, Declan.”
He shakes his head and tries to move back, but there’s nowhere to go. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does. I think something happened, and you and your brothers decided to leave. I think it had to do with your dad, and whatever it was, it was so bad that you felt you couldn’t tell me, so you walked away instead. Am I right?”
His eyes meet mine with his jaw clenched tight. “Syd.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me, and I’m not letting this go. What happened with your brothers? What are you protecting them from?”
The only thing that would ever cause Declan to walk away had to be something with his brothers. How I couldn’t see it sooner is beyond me, but now that I do, it’s crystal clear.
Declan steps forward, hands still trembling.
I move to him, knowing he’s battling with wanting to tell me, but there’s a deep-seated need to protect those he loves.
“Choose me, Declan,” I beg softly. “Choose us and just tell me what made you walk away eight years ago.”
“Let this go.”
“Why did you leave me? Why did you give up everything? Why didn’t you choose me then?”
“Fucking hell, Sydney! I can’t do this!”
I can see the agony, but I can’t back down. As much as I want to, I can’t. So, I step closer to him until there’s almost no space between us. “Why? Why did you let me go? Why did you lie to me? Why?”
“Because my father killed someone and we were all there!” His breathing is labored, and I take a step back.
“What?” I clutch my stomach, feeling like I might be sick.
“That’s why I left you. My father took Sean’s car and drove drunk. He ran two people off the road, killing them instantly. We were there. The four of us saw it, watched in fucking horror as they flipped and he drove off.”
I shake my head in denial. “You’re not making sense.”
Declan lets out a half laugh and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “We were there, Bean. We watched him kill those people and then drive off, but it gets so much worse.”
The way his voice breaks at the end causes my chest to ache. I sit on the bed, the fight leaving my body as I brace myself for a different kind of answer.
“Tell me.”
He leans against the counter, looking worn and tired. “We confronted my father, demanding that he turn himself in, but he laughed and said he would tell the cops he was home all night and that it was one of us. Syd, he was driving Sean’s car, but we couldn’t be sure if anyone actually saw our dad behind the wheel. We didn’t have a choice. We had nothing and he had all the cards.”
“Declan—”
“No, let me finish. You want to know all of it? Well, here it is. The people in that car, they were Ellie’s parents.”
I gasp, and my hand flies to my mouth. “No.”
“Yes. My father killed Ellie’s parents. So, you ask why I left you? That’s why. My father was a murderer, my brother’s car was the one that it could’ve all been tied back to, and I loved you so fucking much that I knew the only way to keep you free from all of it was to walk away.”
I can see the tremors raking through his body, but for the first time since I met Declan Arrowood, I don’t know what to do.
I’ve seen him at his breaking point, but this is past that.
I’m afraid for Declan.
Of what this has done to him.
All these years, he’s held this inside himself and pushed away people he thought he loved, and he’s done it all because of sins that weren’t his own.
My heart breaks for him.
And then I think of Ellie and how impossible this must’ve been for her. The night she showed up at my house, broken and inconsolable, saying things that I didn’t understand at the time but make so much sense now. Still, she forgave Connor.
Hell, she just married him.
I look to Declan, wondering why he’s still punishing himself. “You didn’t kill those people. Sean, Jacob, and Connor didn’t either. Your father did, and you spent eight years of your life protecting your brothers. You don’t have to do that any longer.” The words come out softly, as though I’m dealing with a small, wounded child, which is what he partially is. “You don’t have to save me anymore, Dec. I’m right here. I’m fine.”
“Because I didn’t come back for you. Don’t you see? If I had, then what would we be?”
“Together.” I breathe the word.
He shakes his head. “No, this doesn’t change things. Now you know exactly what this family is capable of. Ellie may have forgiven Connor and the rest of us, but I haven’t.”
And there lies the heart of the issue. Nothing has changed. We are still here, even with our entire lives altered. We’re having a baby, he’s told me everything, and he still won’t give himself the chance to be happy.
He will always be the baby’s father. I will always care for him and hope that they can have a relationship, but it’s where my heart has to break free. For the sake of our child.
I get to my feet, removing his shirt and reaching for my dress, slipping it back on. I can’t stay here another minute. I need some time to think, process, and get a grip on all that’s happened.
“Where are you going?” Declan asks from behind me.
“Home.”
“So you push me to talk and then you leave? What about everything I said?”
“I heard it all, and I am so sorry that you’ve suffered. I would’ve been there for you eight years ago, but I understand that you did what