It isn’t that simple, but there is a lot of wisdom in his words. I only wish that we weren’t moving so fast. I’m not ready to be a father, and I had just finally been ready to move forward with her. We all know I don’t deserve Sydney, but I never have.
Everything is so fucking complicated. My instinct is to run after her, but I’m so messed up in the head that I know I won’t say the right thing. I’ll end up pushing her further or making her see that I’m not worth her tears, and I need to fix that first.
All in two days.
She’s the only thing that I’ve ever wanted, and she’s giving me a gift—a child. I wish she had told me sooner. I would’ve ... I don’t know, been there. Then tonight would’ve been different for us in so many ways. Instead, after I told her I loved her and was willing to try, she dropped a bomb on me.
Now I’ve gone and fucked it all up.
“What if she doesn’t forgive me for how I was tonight?” I ask him even though he has no idea that there’s so much more than what he assumes.
“Then you don’t know Sydney at all, brother.”
He’s right. She’s already forgiven me because she knows me. I just need time to get everything together. Then I can prove to her how I feel instead of giving her words she won’t believe. Sydney will take me back, and I’m going to make sure I never disappoint her again.
“When did you get so smart?”
Connor laughs, clapping me on the back. “When I learned that some things are worth fighting for.”
“What’s worth fighting for?” Sean asks as he joins the two of us.
“Sydney,” Connor responds.
“What about Syd?” Jacob asks as he makes his way toward us.
“This is great, all three of you at once,” I say with sarcasm thick in my voice. I love my brothers individually, but when we’re together, it usually ends with someone bleeding or bruised.
Jacob nudges my shoulder and glances around. “Is no one going to clue me in?”
“I just got here,” Sean responds. “I heard this asshole”—he lifts his thumb toward Connor—“say something about fighting for something. And guess what they were discussing?”
Connor smiles as though this is hilarious. “I was just informing our idiot brother that he needs to get his head out of his ass.”
Yeah, but he doesn’t know the whole of it. “It’s easy for you all when you’re on the outside looking in,” I try to defend.
Sean shrugs. “Maybe so, but you’ve been back here for a while now and you’ve yet to accomplish it.”
“Oh, he accomplished something,” Connor adds unhelpfully.
“Wait,” Jacob draws out the word. “Where the hell have you been?”
I glare at Connor. Him and his big freaking mouth. “I’ve been here.”
“Where? I haven’t seen you or Syd since you asked to cut in.”
Jacob just became my least favorite brother.
Sean glances at Connor who raises his hands up. “Don’t ask me. It’s up to Declan to tell you that he and Sydney went back to his tiny house and screwed each other’s brains out and then he let her leave. I mean, it would be really rude of me to tell you that.”
“I hate you all and if it weren’t your wedding, I’d beat you.”
Jacob laughs while shaking his head. “Man, you really are an idiot.”
“I know this,” I admit. The three of them watch me. “What?”
Connor rubs his jaw. “It’s just that you’ve always been the one who was so sure of your decisions.”
When it comes to Sydney, I don’t ever feel sure. It’s as though we’re on two different levels and I’ve never been equal to her. She’s better than me in every way. Now, it’s all so damn complicated. We’re going to have a kid, which I never thought was going to happen for me.
If I give in, let myself love her, and it doesn’t work out … I won’t recover. For so long, I’ve fought against ever seeing a future other than my job. Now, all of it has changed.
“I don’t know that I’ve ever been sure, Connor. I’ve just made the choice and lived with it.”
Sean huffs. “Except where Syd is concerned. Look, Dec, we’re not stupid kids anymore. All of us have been living in the past.”
“What made her leave after your interlude?” Jacob asks, eying me more closely.
“I told her everything.”
“Everything?” Sean asks.
Connor rests his hand on Sean’s shoulder. “Yes, the accident, how it happened, and why we all left town. It was the right thing to do. No matter what, it affected all of us, including Syd.”
I look at my brother, thankful to have him as a part of my family.
“So, she didn’t take it well?” Jacob’s voice is full of curiosity.
I sigh. “More like I didn’t handle it well.”
The three of them all chuckle. “There’s a shock,” Sean digs at me.
“There’s more, but, I can’t get into it now.”
Today is for Connor, and I’ve already taken up too much of it. “Besides, Ellie is shooting daggers at us as we all stand out here.”
“Everyone smile,” Jacob says as he lifts his hand to wave. The three of us all mimic him.
Connor speaks through his smile. “I’m a dead man.”
“You sure are,” Sean agrees.
“We look
