Closing my eyes, I send a silent prayer up to whoever that I can make it through this pregnancy and without anyone finding out about my other problem. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.
Though I don’t know if I ever will be.
What’s that saying about denial?
Denial is the worst form of a lie, for it’s a lie you tell yourself to hide from the truth.
A truth I definitely want to hide from. Because at the end of the day I won’t know what will happen. Or if I will ever even be able to meet my child.
Chapter Five
Jamie
God my body hurts, it seems to get worse with every day. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep this a secret. I’ve made it five months I only need to make it two and a half more.
Chaz has been so supportive of the pregnancy. I feel like a horrible person for not sharing my dreadful secret with him. The one that could potentially leave him a single father. I don’t want that to happen though, but with each passing day I’m sure that’s what it will come down to.
I’ve spoken with both my doctors about all of it and they both agree that if I can make it as close to term as possible, I could have a c-section done. At that point they can run a blood test to see if my baby and I are a match. If so, we’d be able to talk about options. However, if it’s gonna hurt my baby, I won’t allow it. I’ll die before ever hurting her.
Chaz and I decided not to find out what we’re having but I dream at night the baby’s a little girl with her daddy’s dark eyes and my hair. However, I don’t want to truly know for sure. It would be too hard to contain my sadness at leaving my baby. Harder than it already is.
When I’d asked Chaz what he’d thought about names he informed me that since I had to go through the hardship of carrying as well as the delivery of our baby I got to pick. Long as it didn’t suck or wasn’t some wimpy name like Frank or Vernon.
So, I’d figured if the baby was a boy, we could name him Chance, similar to Chaz. Now if we had a girl, I picked Melody. The perfect name for a child who will grow up around the world of rock and roll and will probably learn the lyrics to Def Leppard before she can even sing the ABC’s.
Shaking my head, I go into the shop to get a few things straight around my desk before going home to take a nap. As I open the front door I can hear screaming in the back of the building.
What in the world? Heading in the direction I realize who the voices belong to. Furrowing my brows, I wonder why my sister is screaming at Tanner? I mean I know they’ve never been able to get along not since Alexis caught Tanner in a clench with the head cheerleader.
Since then she usually avoids anything that has to do with the guys. Whatever’s brought her here must be important for her to stop by.
“I swear to God Tanner if you don’t shut the hell up I’m going to punch you.” I have to cover my ears as I walk into the room to keep Alexis’ shrills from bursting my eardrums.
“Venus, it’s not nice to threaten to punch someone. Maybe I should put you over my knee,” Tanner says, giving my sister a grin.
“I don’t think so asshole,” Alexis huffs. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know this room is swirling in tension.
“Umm, am I interrupting something here?” I ask gaining both of their attention.
“Finally, where the hell were you?” Alexis asks crossing her arms over her chest, giving me that stare our own mother used on us.
Yeah, not gonna work on me. She’s been pissed at me since the day I told her about the baby. Only because she’s concerned for me. We’d barely talked since that day and I know that’s my fault because I refuse to allow her or my grandmother to say anything about my past.
And the guilt keeps piling on because they’re two more people who don’t know everything going on right now.
“What’s with the attitude Alexis?” I ask, swallowing back the guilt.
“Maybe it’s due to the fact I come here to see you and end up having to see this douchebag,” she snaps.
“Venus the next time you call me names I’m gonna make sure your ass gets reacquainted with my hand,” Tanner grumbles as he steps closer to her.
“Whatever Tanner I just wanted to see my sister; can you go away now?” Alexis says dismissively.
“And here I thought this whole time you were here to spend time with your husband,” Tanner remarks cynically.
Oh shit, did he just say what I think he said?
Alexis is married to Tanner, when?
“That was a huge drunken mistake on my part a long time ago,” Alexis says whipping her head around to face him again.
“Then why haven’t you divorced me yet?” Tanner grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. For being only nineteen Tanner and the rest of the guys in the band with Chaz are not only great with music and business partners in this place but also built.
“Whatever I’m not doing this right now, Jamie can you just meet me for dinner tonight?” Alexis asks.
“Yeah sure,” I mumble, glancing between the two of them. Seems Alexis and I have both been keeping secrets from each other.
My question, however is, how long has she been holding hers?
“Great six at Vino’s work for you?” she says.
“Okay I’ll be there.” Nodding I follow her out of the backroom, questions swarming around in my head. As much as I really want
