“I’m trying,” I whispered. “It’s just…not fair.”
“What’s not fair?”
“Declan’s known me longer. He said he used to listen to me when I talked with my dad. His feelings are further along than mine and…”
“And it’s scary,” Xander surmised. He walked around the counter and hugged me.
I snuggled into the warmth of his oversized sweatshirt and the way he smelled. Clean, familiar. Like home. “It’s scary,” I confirmed.
Admitting that I was feeling more for Declan felt like rushing my feelings, and I didn’t want that. Not again.
“This is different,” Xander said, easing back to see my face. “You said so yourself. Just remember that. Don’t compare it to before.”
I swallowed and nodded.
He squeezed my shoulder. “So. I didn’t eat lunch. An early dinner sounds good.”
“Then I can tell you about my dad.”
That seemed to distract him enough to get him off the topic of Declan. It was what I needed right now. To settle back into the real world so I didn’t get swept away by a fairytale.
By the time we’d eaten, I’d relaxed again. Not long after, I said goodnight to Xander so I could go to bed early.
I finally grabbed my phone and peeked at the screen, surprised to find two texts from Declan.
I didn’t remember Tate Booth texting me after our (I thought at the time) mind-blowing sex. In fact, he barely ever initiated contact with me unless he wanted sex.
Besides, after I’d experienced that kind of intimacy with Declan this morning, I could hardly call what Tate and I had sex. Tate had been a child. Declan was a man.
He was bigger, stronger, more successful, and more…everything…than Tate.
Another thought hit me then. It wasn’t just that I was scared of falling in love again, it was also that it didn’t make sense for Declan to be with someone like me. He was way out of my league.
He was a superhero and I was a nerdy science student without a job (or at least, not one I was qualified for).
More than that, he was established and so certain of what he wanted, it was intimidating.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want him, I was afraid he wouldn’t want me. Not for long. And even if he did, would I be able to reciprocate?
I read Declan’s first text: Thank you for coming over this morning.
I had a feeling he was not only thanking me for the steaming hot sex but for the promise that his secret was safe with me. That we were in this together.
I was more than grateful for that as well.
His next text was simple and straightforward: Can I see you tonight?
My sex clenched, a hot wave of longing rushing over me. Hell, yes. I wanted him here with me right now.
But if I was going to go for this, I wanted to do it all the way. And for that, I had to be sure.
Instead of returning his text, I called him. Declan answered after one ring.
“Royal,” he breathed.
“Hi.”
His voice sounded amused when he responded. “Hi. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?” I asked.
“Getting some work done.”
“Are you at the office?”
I heard the squeak of leather and pictured him leaning back in his seat. “Yes.”
“But it’s Saturday night.”
“I can be there in twenty minutes,” he said, voice gruff. “Say the word.”
“No—I mean, you don’t—it’s fine. You should do what you need to do.”
“I need to be there for you.”
Oh, God, that was sexy. His intense focus on me and how I was feeling—what I needed—was a turn-on and something I could get used to. But I didn’t want it to be something I depended on.
My dad had taught me that. He’d told me he relied on my mom so much that when he lost her, he felt hopeless. He said his job and I were the only things that saved him. He had to keep going, keep putting one foot in front of the other to get from one day to the next.
It was important for me to keep my independence and my own identity.
“I appreciate the offer,” I started but Declan interrupted me with amusement in his voice.
“Are you teasing me?” he asked.
I smiled to myself. “No. I swear I’m not. I want to see you—”
“I’ll leave now—”
“But,” I said, stopping him, “I can wait.”
“I can’t,” he mumbled under his breath.
That made my smile widen. “It was good to take a breath, to get some perspective.”
After a moment, I heard his chair move again. This time, I pictured him staring out the windows, peering into the near darkness that descended on the city and mountains.
“I’m glad you got some perspective,” he said. “Maybe some fresh air will help too. I could pick you up tomorrow morning and we can find that waterfall you told me about.”
Now he was playing dirty. He knew how much I wanted that. And it was perfect, really. Probably where we should have started in the first place. Getting to know each other. Actually going on a date.
“I think…” I blew out a breath, realizing how much I wanted to go. Which just made me balk at the idea more. If I was so eager, did that mean I was getting lost in my thoughts or infatuation just like before?
“Royal,” Declan said.
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“Tell me.”
I laughed, my cheeks heating. It was that simple for him—but not for me. “It isn’t—it’s not—Dammit.”
Declan’s voice was soft when he spoke again. “I’m not sure what you think I’m going to do if you tell me
