I swallowed hard. How could he promise something like that? I wasn’t like him. I couldn’t just open up and say everything I thought. Especially when I had no clue what I was thinking. My head was pulling me one way and my heart the other.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“Royal, please don’t apologize.”
“It’s—I’m…” Fuck. “I’m not used to this,” I told him honestly. There. That was the truth.
“This?” he asked. “Talking to…”
“You. A man. Someone who actually cares.”
I bit my lip the moment the words left my mouth. It was true, but it made me sound so pathetic. I was censoring myself—and he was exactly right. It was because I was afraid of judgment. I’d barely ever told Tate how I really felt because I feared the same thing. Or that he’d think me weak, or desperate. The sad part was that I had been desperate. I’d wanted him so badly, I’d overlooked pretty much everything else. Especially the part about how I didn’t really love him. I was just infatuated with him. I let him be my world, my sun, and moon, and soon I thought I couldn’t live without him. And he’d never once even told me he cared for me.
“I wish I could see your face right now,” Declan murmured.
Probably because he could read me so easily. If I wasn’t telling him how I felt, he could see it on my face.
I took a calming breath. “Monday,” I told him firmly. “I’ll be into work on Monday and then…”
“Then?”
I scrambled to find the right words—no, words that were fair. That he needed to hear so he knew we were on the same page.
“I’ll have the perspective I needed,” I told him. “And we can…talk. Get on the same page.”
He was quiet long enough, I almost spoke again. Almost started babbling just to reassure him, which made me grimace.
“Okay,” he said simply. “Good. I look forward to seeing you on Monday.”
“Me too,” I told him honestly.
We were both quiet for another long moment and then I said, “Goodnight, Declan.”
“Goodnight, Royal.”
Chapter 20
By the time Monday morning rolled around, I was simultaneously eager and anxious to see Declan. He’d texted me more than once yesterday to check on me and let me know he was doing what he could for my dad.
When Xander mentioned that his attention toward me seemed to be far from the casual attention of a man who wanted a simple fling, I shrugged it off. But I didn’t forget about it the rest of the day.
I’d spent a majority of my time trying to figure out what to do about Declan and a budding relationship. After all, this was the first time I’d ever had a man pursue me, and it was strictly because of the overheard conversations between me and my dad. We might have crazy strong chemistry, but it made me feel better knowing that his initial interest had started with my mind rather than my body. I, on the other hand, couldn’t say the same with as much certainty.
Fortunately, what had started as insane physical attraction, had bloomed into healthy respect. Declan was a hard worker, a brilliant businessman, and a compassionate person. He was the whole package.
Any misgivings I had about starting a relationship with him we’re completely my own concern. In fact, Declan had only given me more reasons every day to trust him.
When I walked to the kitchen to grab my mug of coffee, Xander was hard at work on one of his computers at the makeshift desk he still had stationed in the living room. Once we’d started our undercover work, he'd set up shop permanently, and it was nice having him descend from his loft and keep me company in the evenings.
We didn’t get to see each other as much as we used to now that I had a “job”.
“So you’ve decided to cut the guy some slack,” Xander said with a smirk. When I frowned at him in confusion, he gestured to my outfit. “You’re going to work today. And since it’s a fake job, I’m assuming it’s mostly so you can see Declan.”
“It’s not about that. It’s… It makes me feel good working on those projects. It makes me feel useful, which I haven’t felt for months now. “
Xander gave me a sympathetic look before smiling. “Are you sure that’s all? I mean, there could be more than one reason you’re going back.”
“Are you trying to get me to spill all my deep dark secrets?”
“Are those secrets dark?” he asked mischievously, smirking at the obvious pun. “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know. You’re a healthy attractive young woman.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “That was a lovely assessment.”
“And you didn't answer the question.”
“Do you really think that now is the time to start anything with anyone?”
His expression went serious. “If not now, when?”
He had a point. If I waited until my life was all sunshine and rainbows, then I might never take a chance on a relationship. Although, things had been pretty sunny the first time around until I’d actually gotten involved with Tate…
Which just went to show nothing was ever as it seemed. You couldn’t base the success of relationships entirely on the circumstances in your life at that moment.
“I know what you’re doing,” Xander said.
I blinked at him. “What?”
“You’re thinking about last time. And before you deny it, remember I was there for that one too.”
“Yeah. You were there almost the entire time. I completely made a fool of myself.”
“Young love,” he started, trying to play it down because he knew how much it had devastated me.
“It wasn’t love,” I corrected. “I fell for a guy I didn’t even know.”
“And he used you.
