“That is a completely normal way to feel” Hayley tells me as she tucks her legs up on the sofa to face me “Speaking to Asher when I first chose to confront my demons was the hardest thing I’ve ever done” she says honestly, I’ve never quizzed her on her mental health, it was never something I needed to know the reason for, I just chose to be there for her when she needed it “Do you know why I suffer with depression?” she asks me, in truth, I’ve always wondered how it came about, but I never wanted to ask “Erm.. no, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I never needed to know…I just wanted to help” I tell her, she smiles warmly at me “I’ve always admired that about you, you never judged or demanded to know why. You’ve always been there for me, like a daughter, so that’s why I’m going to tell you this” she says taking a deep breath before she begins “I’ve only ever told Asher this, even Reid doesn’t know. I’d like to keep it that way so he doesn’t worry…..” she says, I nod, silently saying I won’t tell him “About 20 years ago, when I was 15. I was doing a few shifts at a supermarket, back then they didn’t care that I wasn’t 16, they just needed able bodies to help move stock around, and mum needed the money to keep food in the house….it was late when I finished one of my shifts so I’d missed the last bus home that night. I rang my mum to see if she could give me a lift…she was working so she sent my stepbrother, Nathan….. Nathan was a horrible kid, he was 17 but acted a lot older, he was often out with older boys causing trouble” she pauses as she composes herself “Nathan turned up in his car to get me, he had 2 older boys in the car with him. I had a bad feeling about getting in that car, but I had no other way of getting home. It was 5 miles to my house, and I didn’t have my jacket with me…. Stupidly I got in the car” her eyes start welling up, she wipes at them furiously “You don’t have to tell me Hayley, it’s okay” I try to sooth her, feeling my own eyes start watering “No I need to get this out, it’s time to tell someone else…. Nathan didn’t start driving the way I knew was the road home. I asked him where we were going, but he just laughed at me. He pulled up at the old boating yard down at the marina, he locked the doors before I could try to get out, I tried so hard to pull the handle on the door but it wouldn’t budge…. him and his two friends raped me that night, they took turns violating my body without my permission, ignoring my pleas for them to stop” she starts sobbing, I wrap my arms around her, my own tears hiking down my face “When they were done they kicked me out the car. I laid there for the longest time sobbing and throwing up, I blamed myself for choosing to get in the car when I had a gut feeling I shouldn’t. It took me a long time to realise it wasn’t my fault, nothing I chose that night was my fault. It was theirs” she says grabbing a tissue off the coffee table “I suffered with my thoughts for a long time, contemplated ending it all when I couldn’t deal with them on my own. Until my own little miracle happened, that night… even though it was the worst night of my life, gave me Reid” she says. She fell pregnant?! To her rapists.
Oh my god.
I’ve always wondered about Reid’s father, he says his mum never told him who he was other than it was someone he wouldn’t want to know, this poor woman “When I told my mum what happened I was shocked when she believed me right away. I had expected her to think I was making it up to cover my pregnancy, but my mum was an amazing lady. She helped me file a police report and sat with me through it all. she helped me testify in court and put those three boys in prison, she never left my side. When she died 3 years ago I felt for a long time that I couldn’t cope on my own. I’d never seeked help for my mental health because all I needed was her. When she passed she left me a letter in her will, begging me to
