Break my heart (Estate Series 1)

at me, and it makes me feel better. Passing me a t-shirt, I slip it over my head, let’s get this over with. I blow out a big breath… Ok, here we go “I’m ready to talk to you about some stuff, if you like?” I say to him as I sit on the bed, he pulls his own t-shirt on and walks over to join me on the bed “I’ll listen to whatever you need to talk about Beck’s” he says when he grabs my hand, grounding me “Ok, so I’m assuming you have some questions. So maybe we start there?” Using Sherri’s tac tic when she asked me what she wanted to know, I feel less pressure to figure out what to say that way. “Ok, if there is anything I ask that’s too hard to talk about, just shake your head okay?” how could I not forgive this man, he made a mistake…sure, but he’s been there for me for most of my life. Even when we were little he would look after me, when I was sad he would sing me songs with his guitar, when I hurt myself he would bring me to his mum to get patched up. In school he would always back my corner, even if it meant him being laughed at, he is it for me. “I’ll answer whatever I can” I say with a smile, he needs to know where my head is at. I’ve kept secrets from him too, it’s time for me to fess up “Ok…. I want to know about your mum…about the bruises. You’ve always told me it’s you just being clumsy, or dancing, but is that what it really was?” Ok, I was expecting this one “No, I wasn’t being truthful about that. My mum is a heavy drinker, she has been since I was little, this you know. But when she’s drunk, she turns into this…. monster. Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t that nice sober either, but she doesn’t hit me when she’s clean” I say as I stroke my thumb over his hand.

It’s a lot easier to tell someone now, telling Sherri showed me that telling the people I love, just means more support “Jesus” he says as he scrubs his hand down his face “How could I not see this happening” screwing his eyes shut with pain “Because I didn’t want you to see, I didn’t want anyone to see. Even after all she had done to me, I still couldn’t bring myself to report it. She told me horror stories about kids in care. I knew I could probably live with my dad, but when I was little she made it seem like he didn’t want me. I got into the habit of just brushing it under the rug…and dealing with it as best I could” I say trying to explain “I have to tell you. I couldn’t have survived without you all those years, you were my salvation through it all, and you didn’t even know. You loved me when I was constantly told I was unlovable. You proved her words wrong” I say with a smile. He made all the vile words she ever said to me go up in smoke, yes they cut me when she said them, but Reid was there to patch up the holes she left in me. Blowing out a breath, Reid lays us down on the bed and wraps his arm around me as we look to the ceiling, I snuggle up with my head on his chest “Thank you for telling me that” he says as he runs a hand through my hair “What we did, in the shower. Was that..okay? I mean, I didn’t want to do too much too soon after…..” not needing to finish his sentence “In the moment, I loved every second of it, I was completely ready” I won’t lie to him anymore “And after?” he asks, his hand stilling in my hair “I was upset afterwards, it was perfect, but…. I couldn’t help feeling that that should have been my first time” I say trying to not let my eyes water “I don’t regret it at all before you think that, I asked for it…. I just needed a moment to realise that it may not have been my first time, but it was my first time with you” I say as I look at him with a watery smile “I love you Becca. For as long as I can remember it’s been you, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to help you heal” he says as he kisses the top of my head “We’re forever baby, and I’m not letting you go again”.

After our heart to heart, we head downstairs to have dinner with Hayley and Asher. Its great progress for me to be around a man I don’t know and not turn into a blubbering mess in the corner. I sit on the other side of the table from him, but I feel okay about being here, which is a start. He seems like a really nice guy, and he’s infatuated with Reid’s mum, which only makes him seem better in my books, she deserves some happiness at last “So, Becca. How did your first lesson back go?” Hayley asks around a mouthful of wine “It was amazing to be back in there, all the girls were so lovely” I smile, I’m only doing one lesson a week at the moment. When Reid called my boss, THEY both agreed once a week was enough for now, I had no say in the matter apparently…

“What do you teach?” Asher asks as he wipes his mouth with his napkin “Erm. I tech dance, mostly contemporary, some odd ballet” I say trying to smile at him “Wow, that sounds amazing. Maybe I should drag Hayley one time and you can teach us to dance. I’ve got a work function in a couple of weeks’