I was done letting him call the shots and decide how it was all going to go. I'd been fairly passive in our 'relationship' up until that point, letting him decide how things would work out and following his lead and the contract because it was easier than thinking about how I felt.
But that was over now. I was going to have to step up and start laying down some rules of my own if this was going to work even for the next few months.
Who knew what would happen beyond then, but for the moment, I had to focus on the present and what I could do to get us out of the stalemate we were in.
I was tempted to march over there and start making demands immediately, but the little voice in the back of my head was urging me to sleep on it and come up with a plan in the morning.
After the weekend I'd had, I decided to listen.
Chapter 15
Killian
I was seething.
It took everything in me to drive away from that building and not get out of the car and tell Simon to back the fuck off, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think that would do anything other than make Ash furious with me.
More furious than she already was, I was sure.
She wanted him, for whatever reason. She wanted to have the freedom to choose him if she wanted, and I hated that. I hated that what I gave her wasn’t enough. That she wasn’t as satisfied as I was with the things we did.
There was a voice in the back of my head that asked me if I was so satisfied why did I seek out other women, and I ignored it for the moment. That wasn’t the point.
The point was I wanted her, and I was used to getting what I wanted. I hadn’t intended for it to go so far, and maybe that was my fault, too.
Maybe everything was my fault.
I was spiraling, and I could tell, but there wasn’t much I could do about it, standing alone in my apartment. I wanted to break something, to hear it smash to pieces and feel the catharsis that came with that, but then I’d have to clean it up, and I wasn’t willing to do that.
I could have gone down to the club, I supposed, found someone who would fawn over me and be grateful for my attention, but that sounded like too much effort. I wasn’t feeling like the put together, in control dom the regulars at the club had come to expect, and I wouldn’t inflict the mood I was in on a newcomer.
In the end, I called Eve. I needed to let off some steam, and if Ash was off with her artsy, normal boyfriend, then I could see Eve without having to feel even the smallest amount of guilt about it.
"Hi, Killian," she said, sounding breathless when she answered the call. "What's going on?"
"Are you busy?" I asked her. "Because I find myself in need of a willing sub."
"Oh my. That sounds..." She trailed off, and there was a little sigh in the background. "Yeah, I could come over. At your place? Or the club, or?"
She was always so eager. Always so ready for whatever I wanted to do. She craved what I could give her, and I thought with vindictive pleasure that at least someone did. At least someone appreciated what I was bringing to the table and didn't act like it was a complete chore to deal with.
Calling her had been the right move.
"Come over," I told her. "I want to go hard, and I don't want an audience."
Her breath caught, and I listened to her on the other end of the line. "O-okay. God. Um. Okay. I'll be there soon."
I hung up, leaving it at that.
I didn't need Ash. I didn't need her to be the only one who I did things with. I was Killian fucking Abernathy, and there were women who would line up for the chance to be with me.
They would beg, do whatever I asked them to do, just to get tied up and caned or flogged. If I mentioned sex was on the table, then they'd do even more.
I was desired. I was wanted and respected. And one woman not caring about all that wasn't going to be enough to bring me down.
I knew who I was, and Ash couldn't change that.
I nodded, resolute. This would help. I went into the playroom to start putting things together, trying to decide just what I wanted to do to Eve when she got there.
She had a lower pain tolerance than Ash did, but perhaps I would push her a bit. She knew the safe words if she wanted me to stop. I would do some rope work, use my implements, go at her until the loud buzzing in my head quieted down and I could think through the irritation that crackled under my skin.
It wasn't best practices, but I was fine. I knew what I was doing.
Eve showed up about an hour later, dressed casually and looking excited. She was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet when I got the door, and then she took one look at me and deflated a bit.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I nodded. "Yes. I'm fine. Come in."
Her face twisted into a frown, but she came in, shedding her jacket as she did. "Are you sure? Because you seem kind of..."
"Kind of what, Eve?"
"I don't know. Frazzled?"
I laughed, but there was no real humor in it. "I don't get frazzled. I'm fine."
I could tell she didn't believe me, just by the look on her face, and I was beginning to wonder if asking her to come over here had been a mistake. I could have just gone to the club and gotten someone who didn't know me and
