"I know," I said. "Believe me, I know. And I didn't mean for it to happen like this. At the beginning, I told myself I didn't care who she saw, and that was the truth. I only wanted one thing from her, really, and as long as I got that, I was fine."
"And then something changed?"
I sighed again. "And then something changed. Or maybe... maybe it didn't. Maybe she was just more than I expected her to be."
"She's what you want," Eve offered with a smile.
"I suppose she is. But she's very angry with me right now."
"With good reason." She gave a sad little sigh. "I'll admit, I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to a session today."
I frowned at her. "We can still have one."
She rolled her eyes. "No, we can't, Killian. You're wonderful, but I think Ash might be right about you being an idiot." She looked like she was nervous to say something like that to me, and I smiled to reassure her. "If you want her, digging the hole deeper isn't going to help."
"It's fine. She's off with her new man right now, anyway. I'm sure they're in the throes of vanilla passion as we speak."
"Killian, come on. I've seen the way she looks at you. I've seen the way she orbits around you. She wants you just as much."
"I think that's wishful thinking."
"On your part, sure. But it doesn't really make things easier for me if that's the case, so you know I'm saying it because I think it's true. And if you want her to be exclusive with you, then you have to do the same for her. It's only right."
Eve was correct, of course. The women in my life were much smarter than me when it came to things like this, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew I had to change if I wanted to be able to have the things I wanted.
Namely Ash.
I had no idea if she was even going to be willing to listen to me or make things work, but I supposed I owed it to her to find out. And I owed it to her to try.
Things had to be balanced if they were going to work.
"You're right," I said finally. "You're right."
Eve beamed at me. "I know I am. I'm going to miss you, Killian."
"Don't be a stranger. I can still help you find others to play with. You don't have to disappear from our lives."
"Okay, good. Because I like both of you, and it would be weird to pretend otherwise."
"If this doesn't work out the way I want it to, I'll need a friend," I pointed out. "And Ash likes you, even if she's too weirded out by the things we do to admit it."
She smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. So... what are you going to do?"
It was a good question, and I didn't have an answer to it. I didn't have a plan. This wasn't like a scene where I could set up one thing after the other and let them build together to make a whole thing.
For one, I had no idea where to start. As far as I knew, Ash and her precious Simon were all over each other, curled up in bed, fucking, doing whatever it was they did. She probably wasn't even thinking about me, and that hurt more than I wanted to admit.
But if I didn't do something then I wouldn't have a leg to stand on when it came to seeing her again. Because I would have to see her again. There were still five or so months left in our contract and we couldn't spend that time not seeing each other.
Honestly, I was upset that things had turned out the way they had. When I'd first found her and put the contract together, I'd assumed we wouldn't get along much at all. Ash would dread her time with me, I'd get bored with her, but at the end of a year, we'd both be rich enough that we could honestly say it had been worth it, and we could go on about our business.
But that hadn't been the case.
It had started out that way, but then she'd gone and been charming and eager in her own way, and somehow, I'd come to crave her.
I just didn't know how to put that into words that made sense and weren't demanding that she only spend time with me. I'd already made that mistake.
And I couldn't promise her anything. I wasn't offering love or even a real relationship at the moment. I just wanted to be with her.
I had no frame of reference for things like that. I had nowhere to start and nothing to fall back on. All I knew was that I had to say something.
I couldn't tell Eve enough of the real story to get her advice, either, and since we weren't going to have a session, she wished me luck and took her leave.
I considered calling Ash. I thought about going to her place. I thought about texting her or sending her an email or a million other ways to reach out.
And every time I thought about it, I saw her and Simon getting her things out of my car and the way he looked at her and the way it made me furious with him for even daring to think he could touch her, so I did nothing and let the week pass me by day by day.
'I'll do it tomorrow', I kept telling myself.
It was just easier not to do it at all.
Chapter 16
Ashlyn
The drive I'd felt on Sunday to go over and give Killian a piece of my mind had sort of melted into mild dread by Monday.
I got up and went to class and then went to work, and it
