I hope he isn’t. God, I hope he isn’t. But how can I have any thoughts about it when we aren’t even together? I groan out loud and throw my phone across the room. It lands on the bed, so the result is anticlimactic but it helps distract me from hating Raf for two seconds.
By the time my homework is done and I’m in bed, my rage about Raf Barron is back with a vengeance.
I realize something before I fall asleep: I haven’t thought of Ashton once since I left him in the school parking lot. If I wondered about there ever being anything but friendship between the two of us, I now know the answer to that.
It’s like I’m in a different school when I walk down the hallways the next morning. The girls that have ignored me since day one are now looking at me with open contempt. A group of them parts and Raf, Henry, and Ashton stand in the middle of them. Heidi is hanging on Raf’s arm and even though he doesn’t acknowledge me, I can tell he knows I’m watching. He works too hard to not look my way. Henry glances at me and shakes his head, rolling his eyes and focusing his attention back on Melanie. Ashton is the only one who has a slightly guilty look on his face, but he sheds it quickly when I give him a tentative smile.
I’ve tried to avoid the bathroom as much as possible because I don’t want to run into the mean girls and you never know when someone will be in here vaping, or worse. But I can’t avoid it this time and sure enough, Amber is in the corner. I don’t speak to her and she acts nervous to see me, quickly wiping white powder away from her nose. I do my business and get out of there, relieved that she’s gone when I come out of the stall. I’m a little shocked Amber is doing this at school. She’s not usually one of the girls I see high around here, but it seems to be more prevalent lately. Maybe everyone was on their best behavior at the beginning of the school year. Things are getting more comfortable now.
I exit quickly, hoping I don’t find any new surprises in my locker. I open it standing as far back as I can, hoping to avoid whatever might come popping out. Nothing happens and I exhale a long sigh of relief.
I feel arms around my waist and jump. A broad chest circles my back and I glance over my shoulder. Ashton smiles down at me. I give him a shaky smile and gently push his hands off of my waist.
Lunch is painful. Luci had to go to a doctor’s appointment, so I don’t know where to sit. Ashton isn’t in the lunchroom and the table I usually sit at is filled with my favorite crew. Not. I pull out a book and sit with my back to Raf. I don’t want to see him, but I still feel his eyes drilling holes into me.
I need to focus on school anyway, I tell myself. I got a B on a quiz this morning, proof that my head isn’t where it should be.
At this rate, it’s going to be a tortuously slow school year.
I hear a commotion behind me and turn around when the chanting starts. I turn around and see Heidi doing something with her mouth while everyone around her chants: “Tie it! Tie it! Tie it!”
And then they start counting down the seconds.
She pulls something out of her mouth and holds it up triumphantly. I can’t tell what it is, but she looks proud of herself and turns to Raf. My mouth drops when she wraps her arms around him, nuzzles her face into his neck, and he lets her.
My hands shake, my insides shake, I feel like a walking earthquake. I scoop up my books and throw my lunch away without finishing it. Ashton is walking in as I go out.
“Hey, you’re leaving already?”
I keep walking and throw up a wave. I don’t want to start crying in front of anyone.
“You okay, Gabi?”
“I’m fine. Gotta run. Catch you later.”
I turn the corner and race to my locker.
Why does Raf Barron make me feel all the things?
I take a long bath after my homework is done and when the doorbell rings, I sit up. Ashton. Dammit!
When I open the door, Ashton is holding a huge bouquet of red lilies.
The smile instantly drops off of his face. “What are you doing with those?”
“They were on the front step. Here, see who they’re from.”
“You didn’t bring them?”
“No…they were there.” He points at the same spot on the porch where I found them before.
I don’t see anything else suspicious. My hands shake when I take the flowers from him and he frowns.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Why don’t you tell me? I don’t know what you’re up to, but I didn’t sign up for all of this between you and Raf. Why are you acting like we’re a couple?”
“Would that be so bad?”
“It’s not true. It’s like an act you put on when you know he’s watching. Stirring up trouble. I don’t know why we’re pretending to be anything different than what we are. We’re friends, right?” I shut the door and walk to the kitchen, putting the lilies in the trash.
“Why are you throwing those away?”
“I hate lilies.”
His eyebrows lift to the ceiling. “Remind me to never give you lilies.”
“Seriously, I hate them.”
He holds up both hands. “Okay, okay. I was impressed they weren’t roses. Who are they from?”
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t see a card with it?”
“There was no card.”
“But you know who they’re from…which is why they’re in the trash.”
I put my hand on my hip and glare at
