“I just think he needs a little push in your direction. His jealousy with you…I’ve never seen him like this. He’s my friend, even though he’s being the biggest asshole there ever was right now, but I know him better than anyone and he deserves to let someone in. He never has, you know.”
“Seems fine letting Heidi Serrin in.”
He makes a face, scoffing exaggeratedly. “She is a piece of meat he did a while ago and never looked back. One and done.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I groan.
“Well, yeah. He could have anybody, as many times as he wants, and he is hot after you.”
“I still don’t know how this little game you’re playing is helping anything.”
“Maybe it’s a distraction for me too,” he says, leaning against the counter. “Maybe I need to see how much he wants you.”
All of the energy is sucked out of the room and Ashton sags, like the weight of the world sits on his muscular shoulders. I lean over and put my hand on his arm.
“Ashton? What is it?”
“I love him,” he says simply.
When I step closer, he avoids looking at me and I shift so he can’t avoid me. His eyes fill with tears.
“Oh,” I whisper.
“Yeah.” He presses his lips together and stares up at the ceiling, blinking fast. “Oh.”
“So all those times you were checking me out, you were just playing a part?”
“I can still appreciate an incredible rack.” He shrugs, laughing when I flick him. “It’s hard not to look at your chest, and I have felt more stirring with you than I ever have with any other girl, but yeah…still not like I feel when I see Raf.”
I step back and fall into the closest kitchen chair. “I didn’t see that coming.”
He snorts again and moves to sit next to me. “If I can’t have him, I at least want to see him happy. The guy is straighter than a ruler. And he can never know about me. No one can.”
“Why not? What would be so bad about everyone knowing?”
“I want to play football professionally. There are a few out men playing, but none of them were out when they were signed. You think anyone would take me if they’re afraid I’m gonna bring that press to the field? There’s a reason it’s kept quiet until a career is established.”
“I don’t like that at all, but I understand why you’re protective of your career. You have every right to handle this exactly as you want to. But with Raf…I think you’re going about his happiness the wrong way. I don’t believe he’s interested in me. Fucking me? Maybe. He’s a guy. Fucking me over? Absolutely, no question. He wants me out of here, Ashton.”
He frowns and props his elbows on the table. “But why?”
“That’s what I keep asking him. If he ever tells me, you’ll be the first to know.”
Chapter Eleven
I get a text from Ashton later that night. We talked for hours and I think I officially have my first friend at Longlake. All reservations I had about not trusting him left the minute he confided in me.
Ashton: You never did tell me who the flowers are from and I’m worried about you. You’ll tell me if you’re in trouble, won’t you?
It takes me a moment to think of what to say and I don’t come up with a clever response.
Don’t worry. I’m fine.
It feels like a lie and I hate that I’m lying to him so soon after his confession to me, but I’m not ready to face what the flowers could mean just yet.
My phone rings as I’m staring at the phone and I sit up, fumbling to hit answer.
“Laura?”
“I’m so sorry I haven’t called you back before now. I’ve had some family things going on…I should’ve set up another sponsor for you in the meantime, but I’ve just been…” She lets out a long exhale. “There’s no excuse. Are you okay?”
“I will be. Question is, are you?”
“No.” Her voice trembles when she says the word and it reminds me that Laura is not that much older than me. She sounds incredibly fragile right now.
“What’s going on, Laura?”
“My brother is in the hospital, but he’s turning the corner. It’s been scary. I’ve had to talk with my sponsor more than ever…” She exhales a shaky breath. “This is more personal than I’m supposed to be talking with you, but we’re friends, right?”
“Of course. I’m so sorry about your brother. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Just please talk to me and tell me what’s going on with you. You haven’t been drinking, have you?”
“No, but it’s been more tempting lately. My school…it’s a hard place to fit in. They don’t want me there. There is this one guy will do anything to get me out and I don’t know why.”
“Have you ever thought he might have a reason for getting you out of there?”
“Uh…no? What possible reason could he have?”
“I don’t know…just, uh…just trying to talk it out with you,” she stutters.
I frown into the phone. She’s acting strange. “You sound like you need a long break, Laura. I’m worried about you. Don’t worry about me, okay? Just take care of you and your brother.”
“Thanks, Gabriela. Listen, I’m going to text the number of another sponsor…so there’s backup if I can’t be reached. You’ll like her. A nice lady named Jill and she knows I’m giving you her number.”
“I’m not losing you as a sponsor though, right? Just right now, when things are crazy for you.”
“Yes,” she says emphatically.
But when we hang up, I’m shaken by the conversation. I should’ve made sure she was okay.
Last night, I told Ashton to back off with the touchy-feely approach at school, so I’m curious to see how he’ll be today. I think I convinced him that making Raf jealous wasn’t the best thing for either one of us, if we don’t want to make Raf
