He stared at her and raised an eyebrow. “No.”
She tried another angle. “Allergies?”
He frowned, chuckled dismissively and shook his head. “No. What is up with you? Why the third degree?”
She sighed and cast her eyes down, doing her best to hold back tears now. She shook her head slowly. She couldn’t face him as the words rolled off her tongue. “Sully, I want you to answer the next question honestly.”
She paused and met his eyes. “If you lie to me, I’ll be able to see through it. You know that.”
He stared at her and shifted his feet. He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and braced himself. He knew what was coming and he couldn’t lie. She was right. She would see right through it. He was about to get busted for what seemed like the ten millionth time in his life.
He nodded. “Ok.”
She met his eyes. “Are you high right now? Did you at any point today do a line of blow? Or maybe several?”
He turned his gaze away from her and stared out the window carefully contemplating how to back his way out her question. Realizing there was no way he could, he knew he had to be honest.
He nodded his head slowly and uttered yes so faintly it was barely audible to her. He finally faced her. When he noticed the tears in her eyes and the look of anguish on her face, he felt his heart breaking.
Tears welled up in his own eyes and he lunged toward her, grasping for her hands. “I’m so sorry, Kit. Please, please, I won’t do it again.”
She recoiled, freeing her hands from him. She stepped away and closed her eyes, hoping to seal in the tears, but it was too late. They were streaming down her cheeks.
She knew that despite his best intentions, in all likelihood he would do it again and again, especially on a grueling tour that needed to be concluded. She didn’t know what to do.
She finally opened her eyes and faced him. “Ok. How long has this been going on?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “A few weeks, maybe.”
She shook her head and knew better. She couldn’t hold back her snarky tone. “A few months, maybe?”
He sighed and nodded, ashamed and unable to face her. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “I spun out, Kit. I could cast blame and say it’s because you weren’t out there with me, but I know that’s not the truth. I could blame it on a crazy-ass tour, but that’s not true either. This has been going on a while. I just don’t know how to cope with the life I have and who the world expects me to be now. It’s a level beyond anything I could have ever imagined and it’s deeply unsettling to me. I’m sorry.”
She started pacing. She felt tremendously overwhelmed. This was an agreement they made when they married. No more drugs—ever again. He was in gross violation. She had turned the other cheek, pretending not to see too many times. The realization that she was enabling him to continue this behavior washed over and she felt nauseated. She knew that it was time to break the pattern.
A moment of deep clarity washed over her. She realized that she felt exhausted. Exhausted of taking care of him and his career. Exhausted of fixing everyone. Exhausted of fighting to keep a marriage going that had been a struggle for the last two years. Exhausted of pretending that everything was fine. She knew she wasn’t fine. Far from it.
She was in physical and emotional pain that was undeniable and her patience had finally worn thin. In that moment, it felt like something deeply rooted was breaking inside of her. Something final. It was time to get real. It was time to make some changes. Big ones. Sully’s voice snapped her back into the moment.
His eyes searched hers. “Say something. What’s going through that mind of yours, babe?”
She turned to face him and spoke coolly. “On second thought, I think it is time for you to go back out on the road. Finish the tour. Close it out.”
He looked puzzled. “You aren’t upset?”
She raised her eyebrows and was unable to contain her rage. “Upset? About what? You taking over like a fucking tyrant? Or maybe you snorting half your daily income up your nose?” A sarcastic chuckle escaped as she shook her head. “Or maybe, just maybe it’s you blowing out of town the week after I get released from the hospital where I almost lost my life?” She chuckled again. “I dunno. So many possibilities, how can I choose just one?”
She shook her head and met his eyes. “Tell me, why would I be upset, Patrick? It’s not like talking this out will change things, right? We both know that by now. We’ve done that before and newsflash, it clearly didn’t work. Your behavior as of late has been pretty consistent of that with a self-obsessed, entitled, egomaniacal dictator.” She held her finger up to him to make her point. “Oh, and I’m not upset—I’m fucking livid.” Her green eyes narrowed dangerously.
She folded her arms in front of her chest. “Answer this question for me. Do you have a cocaine addiction?”
He swallowed hard, shifted his feet again and chuckled uneasily. “Addiction? Ooh, now that’s a heavy word. I wouldn’t call it that.” He vehemently shook his head in refute.
He started to pace as he ran his fingers through his mane, frustrated. He glanced over at her. “This tour has been a fucking nightmare. You know that. It’s been massive—too massive.” He shook his head again, a subconscious way of dismissing his behavior was wrong. “The blow gets me through.”
He then
