“She’s just restless today. I can’t seem to comfort her,” Aly said.
Debbie felt around the baby’s face. She didn’t seem feverish. Alyssa told Debbie she had checked Jessica’s temperature a couple of times, and it was normal.
Gini could hear the cry of her daughter, but she couldn’t go to her; she didn’t know how. I must feed her was a fleeting thought, but then her mind veered into a confusing mix of sound and light. Baby, mother, milk, all words that floated in her head. None of them meant anything to her, just meaningless words.
“Let me take her for a few minutes.” Debbie took Jessica in her arms.
“Good, I’ll go fix her bottle.”
Debbie bounced the sweet little girl and rocked and walked with her, but nothing helped her attitude. Then Debbie had a thought. She walked Jessica back to the master suite and into the medical room. She took a pillow and propped Gini’s arm up and laid Jessica on her arm. Jessica immediately stopped fussing. She opened her eyes and looked at Gini intently.
Gini slightly tilted her head toward the baby; she was holding her daughter, Robert’s little girl. With the two touching, Gini’s mind suddenly cleared. It’s okay, Jessica, your mama is here, Gini said in her head. Don’t be afraid. Your daddy loves you, and I love you.
Jessica’s reaction was as if Gini was talking or singing to her. Debbie didn’t know what it was, but Gini had Jessica’s attention. Jessica lifted her feet, reaching her hands to them, then tried to put both her fists into her mouth. She seemed completely content. Gini slowly moved her arm tighter around the pillow.
Alyssa brought the bottle to the room. Debbie helped Gini hold the bottle with her hand on top, and Jessica sucked the milk. Occasionally, she’d open her eyes wide and look at her mama.
Debbie tried letting go so Gini could feed her alone, but the bottle just fell from her hand.
What is wrong with me? Gini thought. Why can’t I hold my baby; why can’t I feed her? She tried to concentrate, but the thoughts quickly drifted out of her mind. She listened to the room’s noises, the rolling trolleys and beeps of machines, watched the lights flicker, and the shadows of people walking around. She had thoughts, but they were wordless. She had emotions, but they were also without words to define them. And then, all of a sudden, a thought would come or a desire, formed into something that made sense. But she never could hold the thought.
After that, every day Jessica spent some time with her mother. Often, they both slept, with Jessica on Gini’s chest.
Gini loved holding her little girl, the soft baby smells, the sounds of her coos that eventually turned to giggles and jabber.
She watched Robert’s tenderness with Jessica and felt the love that bonded the two. Gini was touched with all their love and Debbie’s constant encouragement to get better.
As the time passed, Gini started to remember about her brain not working, but she didn’t know how she wasn’t the same as other people. She wanted to walk and smile and talk, but she didn’t know how to.
A strange lady and her son visited often. Gini didn’t know who they were for a long time. Then one day, Lisa took her hand. “Sweetie, look at Timmy and Jessica play. Aren’t they cute together?”
Timmy. Suddenly Gini remembered who the little boy was. She turned to Lisa and opened her eyes. She knew Lisa, Debbie’s good friend. Then just as quick as the memory appeared, it was gone.
The strange lady had taken some weird cloth and tied Jessica to Gini’s body. Gini loved the feel of her baby so close to her. Sometimes she could figure out how to put her arms around her. And Jessica always told her mama she loved her. Jessica didn’t have words either, but she didn’t need them.
One day Debbie wrestled with Jessica to put on her top. Alyssa had gone to the store. Lisa was on the couch laughing.
“Stop laughing, Lisa,” Debbie said. “Come and help me.”
Timmy pulled up to a standing position next to the couch and took Gini’s finger in his hand, pulling it up and down—jabbering. Gini put her other arm on his shoulder. She wanted to smile and play with the baby but couldn’t.
“Let me show you a trick,” Lisa said to Debbie. Lisa blew lightly on Jessica’s face. The little girl stopped squirming immediately and looked at Lisa then smiled. Debbie put the shirt over her head.
After Debbie got the shirt on Jessica, she grabbed Lisa with her other arm and hugged her tight. Lisa looked her in the eyes, and Debbie kissed her. “Thank you so much for being here. Leesy, I don’t know how we’d be able to do this without you. It seems so natural for you.”
“Just a little more experience, that’s all.”
Jessica crawled off Debbie’s lap and crawled over to Gini, where Timmy was playing.
Debbie brushed the strands of red hair from Lisa’s forehead. “I love the mother you are.” They hugged again.
Debbie and Alyssa were so grateful for all the help Lisa had offered over the months.
When Alyssa first met Gini at the nanny interview, she had thought Gini very interesting. Even though she had a speech problem, Gini seemed like a lot of expectant mothers. She had some concerns about bringing a newborn home but was happy and excited about being a mom. Then seeing her in the hospital breastfeeding Jessica, nurturing the baby, and being a beautiful loving mama, Alyssa saw an air of
