“You said all of that to say what?” Damian asked.
“It doesn’t make you less of man if you need help conceiving. It also isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. Hell, even adoption should be on the table.”
“I’m not embarrassed. It’s just . . .”
“Just what?” Carter was genuinely confused.
“Truth?”
“Nothing but.”
Damian rubbed the side of his face. “Adoption is out.”
“Why?”
“There is nothing wrong with Harlem. Why shouldn’t she have a child of her own? The issue is with me.”
Carter could understand that. “What about a donor then?”
“It’s crossed my mind. I just can’t imagine it–unless. . .” His voice trailed off.
“Unless what?”
“Unless you were the donor.”
Carter started choking. “What?” He couldn’t have possibly heard him correctly.
“I don’t trust the IVF system. I’ve read too many horror stories about that shit. It would make perfect sense for you to do it.” Damian continued to explain.
“Perfectly, crazy! I don’t know what you were smoking before you showed up this morning, but it must have been the really good stuff. It has you believing the impossible is possible.”
“How so?”
“How so?! We’re friends! We hang out at least once a week. Have you not considered how strange it would be to show up at your place, and my biological kid answered the door? I’m willing to do almost anything to help, but that shit? No way. Out of the question.”
“I gave you a kidney. You’d be dead without it.” Damian countered.
Damn. That was true. “C’mon, man, you’re not thinking straight. You’re in shock.”
“Maybe,” Damian said as if his request wasn’t batshit crazy. “Still, the fact remains, I don’t want to go to a sperm bank. It may not even be necessary. But, I’m sort of asking you to do this if it turns out that I can’t father a kid.”
Stunned, Carter didn’t know what to say or think, but he was able to form one coherent thought. How the hell do I get out of this shit?
Chapter 18
It was late when Damian arrived home. Harlem was already in bed. He climbed in beside her, and she immediately turned into him and nestled into the crook of his arm.
Harlem caressed his chest. “I missed you today.” If she were honest, there had been even more of a distance between them ever since the night they took the test, and she hated it.
“I missed you too.” He sighed contentedly, “It doesn’t get much better than this.” He had to tell her. Damian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I didn’t want to tell you this tonight, but I went to go see a specialist today.”
“What kind of specialist?”
“A fertility physician.”
She was surprised. “Why didn’t you say anything? I would have gone with you.”
“Harlem, you already have enough on your plate.”
“Dame. We are partners. I know that you are hurting and disappointed.”
“So are you.” He countered
Guilt hit her. “I want to be there for you the same way you are for me.” She waited for him to respond, and when he didn’t, Harlem nudged Damian on. Her voice softened. “What did the doctor say?”
His words were slow to come. He wasn’t sure he could say them. Damian attempted to swallow the lump in his throat before speaking. “I . . . I’m the problem.” It killed him to say it out loud to her.
“W-what?”
“I won’t be able to give you children.”
The silence was deafening.
It took a minute for Harlem’s brain to catch up with her mouth. “Is he sure?” She couldn’t believe it. Harlem may have been hesitant about not being ready to have children now, but never? “We should get another opinion.”
Damian shook his head. “He’s sure. He sent my lab results to another specialist to confirm. That doctor came back with the same conclusion.”
Harlem swallowed hard. Her mind was racing. “Okay. At least we know what we’re up against. So, we won’t be able to conceive the traditional way.”
Damian removed his arm from around her and sat up. “Harlem . . .”
She whispered into the darkness. “Yes?”
“I talked to Carter about being a possible sperm donor for us.”
“Carter! Are you serious?!”
He nodded.
“Nuh-un. Nope. That’s crazy.”
Damian’s mind was spinning. He didn’t know how to handle this situation.
Harlem’s chest tightened. This was a nightmare. She knew Damian had reservations about alternative methods to becoming parents, but Carter Owens? He must have fallen and bumped his head if he thought that was a possibility.
“Listen, I know him, and more importantly, he’s not a psycho. I won’t have to worry.”
“Who says he’s not a psycho?”
“C’mon, Harlem.”
“Damian, I can’t stand Carter. I can’t imagine knowing he was the donor. I prefer not knowing. All we have to do is a little bit of research. A clinic that specializes in in-vitro is much better equipped to handle this kind of thing.”
Damian was digging in. “I wouldn’t have to worry about anything if it was Carter.”
She opened her mouth to ask him if he’d lost his mind, then closed it to rephrase the question. “That would be crazy. Carter would be around a child that is biologically his. You would be okay with that?”
“Of course not! I’d hate it. But I can’t imagine doing something like this any other way. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s
