“I’ll call a plumber next time,” I snapped, “because it’s bound to happen again. You always do a half-arsed job. I don’t know why I bother calling you.”
“Skye–”
“You didn’t have to meet her again,” I said, the words echoing around the backstreet and hanging in the air. He blinked, looked to the floor, anywhere but me. “I mean…you didn’t need to meet her…tonight.” He followed me as I searched for my keys. “You haven’t even asked me when we’re going to film, Will. How the fuck did you know that I wouldn’t need you tonight?” I held my hand up as he went to speak, stopping him with his mouth open. “You didn’t know, Will. You didn’t ask, you just went along with your social plans without a second thought about me.” I put my hands on my head, blew out a heavy breath. “I mean…the film.”
“Skye–”
“No, Will.” I looked him directly in the eye, anger and hurt spilling out when I knew it had no right to. We were nothing to each other. Friends only. He didn’t need my permission to go on a date.
A second date.
Why did he need to see her again? Did he like her? Will they fall in love? Would this unrequited bullshit always be a part of my life, as natural as breathing but not as easy?
“You’re seeing her again?” I whispered, unable to understand and showing my real self to him. Why did I ask? I couldn’t keep the words in. They forced themselves out of my body like a bullet from a gun. And as I walked backwards to my door, the dark sky over us, stars twinkling like scattered gold dust I admitted to myself that I loved him. It was as simple as that. It didn’t hit me like an epiphany, more like a gradual ooze or a warmth spreading over my body. An ooze, warm and sticky. He got me. We got each other. We adlibbed and nodded when we knew what we were thinking. We shared favourites and memories and moments, and I couldn’t imagine living my life without having that safety.
But he was going on a date tonight. A second date. Second dates meant something. They meant there was something there after the first. Something that made you want to explore further.
Oh shit.
He wanted to explore.
I was hurt and confused. Unsure what I was even thinking. I knew I’d never have him in the way I’d thought about countless times when I was alone and breathless. I’d already made the decision that I wouldn’t act on my feelings, couldn’t ruin what we had. He was my rock, my support, the one I turned to. He offered advice, a hand to hold, someone to catch me, someone to banter with when I pretended I was bored but really, I was keeping him with me.
Sex would ruin it all. Sex obliterated rocks and sent them crashing down the cliff face. It wobbled rocks. It cracked them.
Sex fucked up rocks.
I need to get away from him. I need to see sense. I’m using rocks as an analogy and God only knows where sex comes into it.
I fumbled to get the key in the door. It rattled around like a snake and I almost threw it to the ground in frustration. The shaking got worse. I wasn’t in control anymore. I needed him to say something, to make this shit show go away. Finally, I felt his touch. The touch that always soothed me, calmed me. He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Skye. Let me fucking speak.”
“Go on then,” I retorted, twisting my body to him. Facing him full frontal, chin up, battle ready. “Fucking speak.”
“I met her because she set an ultimatum. Remember?”
“I don’t,” I said sulkily, folding my arms and hating myself. “I really don’t.”
“Don’t do this.”
“What?”
He shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know what this is.”
“She asked you out on a date to give me the space and equipment to film,” I replied. “But you did that two days ago, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
I pushed the door open. “So, you must like her, you agreed to a second date. Great. Congratulations. I hope you’ll be really happy together.” He reached for me and I pulled away, shooing him. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Go and have fun.”
“Let me explain,” he said.
“No need. Really. I’m happy for you. This is fantastic news. Stacey’s found love and…now you. I’ll buy myself two bridesmaid dresses, or maybe you’ll have the same colour scheme as Stace, and I can save some cash. That’s an idea. I’ll suggest it to her right now.”
“Why are you talking like this?” he asked, frustration laced through his voice. He reached for me again and as I pulled away, unable to take his touch I fell backwards and balanced on the first step of the staircase that led up to the flat. Sitting up, I tried to get my dignity back. A backbone. Something. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and leant back on my elbows.
“I hope you’ll be happy.” I stood up, afraid to say anymore in case I lost myself completely, spread out the truth and made everything twice as worse. I looked up the staircase and started laughing, a low rumble that was more despair than humour. “Matt’s up there,” I said, pointing up. “If I’m really lucky they’ll have finished shagging for the night, and I might get some sleep without wondering if the walls are going to collapse.”
“Skye–”
“Oh, no, don’t worry about me.” I started climbing up on all fours. “It’s fine. It only highlights how very single I am.”
“Don’t you see this? Don’t you see what’s happening here?” I looked behind me. His eyes narrowed and he quickly ran his hands through his hair. I,
