“Yes, you certainly did. Every damn day from the time we booked it until this very minute. But here’s what you’re not considering, you need to lighten up and have some fun while you’re still young. So what if it’s a vacation fling? It’ll be the fling of a lifetime. The memories will be great and will linger awhile. The second thing, you like him, stop that shit right now. He’s a means to an end, and it will end. Stop putting your heart on the line.”
“You know me, Trace. You know I’m not a casual sex kind of woman. I don’t take those kinds of chances. And as far as my heart, I didn’t say I was in love with him. I don’t even believe in falling in love anymore. Besides, I just met him, for crying out loud, so it’s not as if I’m planning our wedding or anything. But his personality is almost impossible to resist. He’s a different person when we’re alone than when the crowd is watching.”
“There’s only one way to fix that, my dear. Stop resisting. Ride him like you’re a jockey trying to win the Kentucky Derby and get him out of your system. It’s the angsty buildup that’s making your mind all mushy. Get that out of the way and you’ll feel much better.” She shrugs and sheds all her clothes on the way to the shower.
“Thanks for the pep talk. Glad I can always count on you to give me the best advice.”
Only her hand emerges from the bathroom, with her middle finger standing tall and proud, in a special best friend message meant only for me.
I fling myself back on the bed and replay our conversation in my mind. Before I realize it, my thoughts drift back to Hot Rod and the day we spent at the cabana. After we rejoined the others and finished the luscious meal, everyone wanted to take a turn on the slide. Not wanting to be the oddball out, I got in line and waited my turn. Rod slipped in front of me just before I reached the ladder.
When he leaned down to brush a kiss across my cheek, he murmured words of encouragement in my ear. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ll be right there to catch you.”
And he was.
Not that I’d ever admit this to Tracy because she’d use every word of it against me, but once I got over my initial anxiety of the unknown, I loved the ride so much I couldn’t stay off the slide. The feeling of soaring through the air, the thrill of picking up speed, and the sensation of my stomach dropping in that split second between leaving the slide and hitting the water below became addicting.
That experience is a lot like how I feel when Rod acts chivalrous and attentive. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice keeps reminding me this is nothing more than infatuation. I’ve dreamed about a man who is thoughtful and devoted to me for so long, I’ve projected those feelings onto Rod and made my mold of the perfect man fit him.
But maybe Tracy is on to something with the whole building memories idea. After examining the last several years of my life, I have to face the cold, hard truth.
I haven’t really been living at all.
I’ve been existing, moving through one day to the next without making many remarkable memories along the way.
Simply marking the days off the calendar isn’t making my mark on the world.
“Tracy, I’m raiding your clothes for my dinner outfit tonight,” I announce on my way to her side of the closet.
She pokes her head out of the bathroom. “Are you fucking with me right now? Just messing with me to try to psych me out?”
“Yep, I sure am. I’m totally fucking with you and messing with your head.” I pick up her white mermaid dress. It’s backless with spaghetti straps and a long slit in the front. It’s perfect. Even though she’s taller than me, I can pair it with my heels and make it work.
Then I step in front of the full-length mirror and hold it up in front of me. The silky material will perfectly cling to every curve. I can’t wait to walk into the formal dining room wearing this baby.
“You look different.” Tracy steps out of the bathroom to watch me. Her head tilts to the side and her expression is softer than normal. “You’re happy.”
“Why do you sound so surprised about that?”
Her eyebrows draw down, but not in anger. At this point, I think I’d prefer angry Tracy, because the look she’s giving me now is one of pain. “Because I haven’t seen you truly happy in a really long time.”
“That’s not true. I’m always happy.”
“No, you’re not. You enjoy making others happy, but your happiness always takes a back seat. What you’re doing right now is all for you, and it looks good on you.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders, and we stare at each other in the mirror. “There will come a time tonight when your fears try to take over. They’ll attempt to convince you to change clothes, to hide away in the room, or something else equally dumb. Don’t let them steal your joy, Daisy. You deserve to have fun, whatever that means to you.”
“Rod asked me to go on a hike in the mountains with him tomorrow. I said I’ll go. Just the two of us, alone, in the woods.”
“That sounds fantastic. I’m happy for you. Trust me when I
