“I know you were mad at me before,” he starts, his finger lingering on mine. “I wanted to apologize. I know I made a mistake, and it was wrong. I don’t deserve your forgiveness for the way I acted, but I hope you find comfort in my words. I hope you have a Merry Christmas.”
My walls crack as he walks past me to his driver’s door. I remember what he said on Thanksgiving.
What if he doesn’t have anywhere to go?
“Wait.” I spin, unable to keep myself from asking, “What are you doing for Christmas Break?”
He turns, giving me a sad smile. “If I said nothing, would you invite me to stay with you?”
I bite my lip, considering his words.
Would I?
He lets out a laugh. “I’m joking. Don’t worry about me, Adra. I can take care of myself.”
I take a couple steps forward, setting the gift on his hood before grabbing his uninjured arm.
“Seriously, Avi, where are you going for break?” I look up into his eyes.
For half a second, I worry that he’s going to tell me he’s going to spend it with Tinsley. Why it would matter, I don’t know. I know they are just friends. I’m not even jealous of her anymore. Or at least I shouldn’t be.
Didn’t I end this? Aren’t I the one keeping us apart?
One word could keep him here.
Stay.
That’s all it would take for him to wrap me into his arms and accept me back.
One word caught in my throat because of fear. Fear that I can’t trust his feelings. Fuck, I can’t trust my own feelings right now.
“I’m going home with Jack. I hear his mama makes a mean brisket for the holidays. I can’t wait to figure out what that means.” He steps closer to me, pulling me into a brief hug, before backing up to pull my face to his.
It’s just a ghost of a kiss across my lips, but the heat it spreads throughout my body is an inferno. The memories it elicits causes me to shiver.
“Sorry. I had to have one last taste of heaven. I’ll be fine. I don’t want you worrying about me. It’s cold out. You should get inside to your family. Have an amazing holiday. Maybe when classes start back up, I’ll see you on campus.”
He opens his door then, getting inside the car. When the door closes, it jerks me from my frozen place.
I grab my gift, making my way back to the door. I turn to look before going in and smile. He waves at me once before motioning for me to go inside.
Ever the gentleman.
Once inside, I peek out the side window and watch him leave.
“He didn’t want to stay for dinner?” Dad asks from behind me.
“He did, but he’s spending the holidays with his friend Jack. He didn’t want to make him wait too long.”
“Ah. He’s a good one. Always considerate. He’s taken quite a liking to you, pumpkin. What is it he got for you?”
I hustle toward the stairs. “It’s private, Daddy. I’m not going to open it until Christmas. I’m going to put it in my room.”
“Okay, but hurry back. Mama says dinner’s done.”
I rush up to my room, placing the gift on the dresser. Part of me is curious what he might have bought me. What does Xavier think I want for Christmas? I could find out now, but that’s not me. I’m not the one who opens gifts early and begs to know what I got. I love the spirit of Christmas. I love giving gifts more than receiving, but even then, I like being surprised by what someone might think I want.
Smiling, I rub my hand across the perfectly wrapped present. I can’t wait to find out what he thought I would want.
-
Xavier
“You sure you are good? I can take you to the airport,” Jack says as he zips up his last bag.
“Yep. My flight’s not for a while. I’ll get a cab there or something.”
“Alright, man. If you change your mind or come home early, call me. Ma would love to have you.”
“I know. If Tinsley lets me come home early, I’ll call you.”
“Alright. See you after winter break. Have a great holiday.”
“You too.”
As soon as the door shuts, I let my smile fall. It’s exhausting faking a smile all the time.
After my trip out to Cassi’s house, I tried to play it off like it didn’t hurt me as badly as it did.
Truth is, seeing her, but not being with her hurt me worse than the truck that hit me did. My chest has felt tight ever since.
Jack could tell I’d been off, but thankfully he let me alone.
He invited me home with him for Christmas, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of being social.
It’s the same reason I told Tinsley I was going home with Jack when she asked me to come home. She misses me, but I can’t imagine being around her right now.
Not because I still have feelings for her, but because my misplaced feelings for her are part of the reason, I lost Cassi. It’s not her fault, but I can’t bear being around her and Finley.
Rubbing my hand down my face, I shake off my thoughts.
Pulling out my laptop, I put a movie on.
Hours later, a knock at the door wakes me.
Answering the door, I find a short, pudgy man on the other side.
“You’re supposed to be gone. You can’t stay here.”
“It’s my dorm. Why can’t I stay?”
“School rules. Students have to vacate during break. It’s my job to make sure everyone’s left.”
“Come on, man. I have nowhere to go.”
He shrugs. “Nothing I can do.”
Sighing, I pull out my wallet. “Would a couple hundred dollars change your mind?”
He looks down at the five hundred-dollar bills. “It might make me turn a blind eye, but if anyone catches you, I know nothing.”
“Deal.” I hand him the cash.
“Merry Christmas.”
“You too,” I grumble as he makes his way to the next door.
Then I head back to my bed, determined to sleep the
