Foolishness, of course. She’d learned her lesson since then.
But much as her pride wanted to explain, she knew very well it would sound like excuses. And the time had come to own her mistakes.
After all, that was what Alex would do.
Lily regarded her evenly. “Trust me, Abigail, I have no desire to rewrite history. But if falling in love with Merrick has taught me anything, it’s that our history isn’t all that matters, either. It doesn't have to define you.”
Abigail’s eyes widened in surprise.
“I kept secrets from Merrick, from you...from everyone because of my own pride,” she continued. “It's not exactly difficult for me to understand how you might have acted badly for the same reason.”
Abigail opened her mouth to protest that this was different, but Lily beat her to it. “I'm not saying I condone your past bad behavior. You made cutting remarks about me and my friends well after that first season. You had opportunities to change and you did not.”
Lily’s words landed like a blow, but Abigail kept her mouth shut her chin high. The truth was no more than she deserved.
“But,” Lily said with a noticeable softening in her tone, “I do believe that perhaps you're trying to change now. Or that maybe...you want to.”
Lily’s even stare held a challenge.
Abigail’s pride begged her to scoff and sniff, to laugh in Lily’s face. But the part of her that Alex saw, the part of her that wished desperately to be worthy of the way he looked at her... "I do."
Lily let out a loud exhale, her lips curving up slightly in a faint smile. “Then perhaps it's time you forgive yourself and move on.”
Silence fell as Lily’s words reverberated inside her. Forgive yourself. Easier said than done.
Lily moved as if to leave the room.
“Wait.” Abigail’s hands were shaking and her voice wobbled. “I never…” She cleared her throat as Lily arched her brows. “I never actually apologized for how I treated you and your friends.”
Lily's lips twitched with amusement. "And you haven't now." She leaned in toward Abigail as if letting her in on a secret as she whispered, "Apologies typically include the word 'sorry' somewhere in there.”
Abigail was shocked by a laugh that bubbled up inside her.
Lily truly had not changed a bit. And she waited now, her gaze expectant, her smile knowing as Abigail drew in a deep, fortifying breath and prayed for courage. "I'm sorry, Lily."
Lily smiled. “And I forgive you, Abbie.”
Abigail laughed, an age-old tightness in her chest easing with those words. “Abbie?” she said. “No one has called me that since I was a girl.”
Lily shrugged, and she was laughing as well. “Well, perhaps it's time to remember that girl. Once upon a time you were a rather wonderful best friend, if I recall.”
Abigail’s eyes welled with tears at the words, but she shook her head with a sad sigh. “No, there's no going back.”
“No," Lily agreed. “You’re right. There is no going back, only forward. History doesn’t have to define you, but you can decide who you want to be now. Who you want to be in the future.” A hint of mischief flashed in her eyes as she cast a quick glance toward the door, back toward the library where she’d left Alex. “It seems to me you have a rather important decision to make about which direction you want to head.”
Abigail’s heart surged with hope, and despair, and a million other emotions. She felt as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice and she had no idea whether she should leap or run. Which was safer? Which was kinder? What was the right thing to do?
Lily’s gaze was so familiar and new all at once. It had been years since Abigail had seen that laughter or that kindness, and her throat was so tight with unshed tears, she had to fight to be heard. “I don't deserve him, Lily.”
Lily gave her a small, sympathetic smile. “That's for him to decide, don’t you think?”
Abigail pressed her lips together, grateful that her former friend hadn’t tried to convince her she was wrong. But Lily did not know everything. “He might have proposed just to save me.”
Even saying it aloud made her stomach turn.
Lily shrugged. “Or he proposed because he cares about you.”
Abigail tilted her head from side to side as she considered that. “How do I know which it is?”
Lily laughed, but the sound wasn’t unkind. Just knowing. “Abigail, there is only one person who can answer that question and he is not in this room.”
Abigail winced. Lily was right, of course.
But what if he didn’t? Could she really handle hearing him say it aloud? It was bad enough to suspect he’d proposed for all the wrong reasons, she wasn’t certain she could bear it if he told her so to her face.
Lily crossed her arms again, her expression turning far more grim. “Abigail, I have seen all the ways you’ve changed over the years, but there is one part of you that has always stayed true.”
Abigail arched one brow, mildly afraid of what that trait might be.
“You are a fighter. A survivor,” Lily said. “You are stronger than most people I know. That's not a bad quality...if you use it in the name of love.”
Abigail nodded. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”
“You do love him, don’t you?” Lily asked, her tone far more gentle.
Abigail could only nod, tears were already starting to spill.
Lily moved forward and braced her by her shoulders. “Then go do what you do best, Abigail. Go fight for what you want.”
The thought of it made her tremble with fear and quiver with excitement. “What if I fail?”
Lily considered that for a moment. “That would be hard, but you would survive. I guess the question is...is he worth the risk?”
Abigail didn’t have to think twice. She nodded. “Oh yes. He’s definitely worth risking everything.”
13
Alex watched
