“Well, what are you going to do now?” Chris asks calmly.
“What do you mean?” What is he talking about? What should I do? I don’t want to do anything, I just want to be left alone!
“Are you going to be nice to him or avoid him? I know you don’t like being around people, I know you don’t want to make any friends while on tour but it looks like Justin wants to at least be nice to you. Look I’m not asking you to suck up to the guy but if you could just move past this and at least be nice then that would help everyone out.” On;y Chris could get away with saying things like this to me, anyone else would be on the floor bleeding by now. Yeah that’s another thing about me, I sometimes get into fights that end badly. And by badly I mean the other person takes a trip to the ER.
“I will play nice, but not too nice. I don’t want him thinking I like him too much. When do we have to leave? I want to use your laptop to find some books for my Kindle.” I say taking the note back and folding it.
“We have a little over an hour, are you hungry? The guys went to get pizza.” I sigh, pizza, tacos, burgers, and chicken is all we eat. It’s a wonder that I don’t weight five hundred pounds.
“Sure, do you think they would mind if I hang out back here some when no one is using it?” This would be a great place to hide.
“It should be okay, they only used this room for meetings and stuff, so as long as no one is in here I don’t see why you can’t use it. I’ll go get the laptop, do I need to set up the credit card on your account?”
“No I’ll stick with the free books for now.” I smile up at him, he is always thinking about me and what I want or need. He runs and gets the laptop for me and then leaves me alone for a while. I hear the others a few minutes later, John yells at me that the food is here but Chris brings me a plate and a soda. He tells me that Justin is upfront, I tell him I’m not ready yet. I just need some time to think. He also tells me I have to change before we leave, this I already knew.
I have just changed into jeans and the Freak Street t-shirt that Dave gave me, this is my way of playing nice. I’ll be wearing my hoodie most of the night so it’s not like anyone will see me wearing it anyways. You wouldn’t believe how cold it can get backstage. I make sure to pack my Kindle, iPod, earbuds and meds in my bag before I leave. I have loaded my Kindle with fifty new books. I couldn’t believe how many free books there were, I’m going to be doing a lot of reading. And all because of Justin. I can’t let my mind go there right now. I still haven’t talked to him, I don’t know what to say. Maybe I should write him a note, like he did, that might work.
I follow the guys off the bus while holding Chris’s hand. I swear if people didn’t know he was my brother they would think we were dating. I know he does this just to know I’m okay, but at some point the hand holding is going to have to stop. Once in the dressing rooms I find a couch and start to get comfortable. I can’t really read with all the noise going on so I decide to listen to music. I had just put in my earbuds when I see Justin walking up to me. I give him a weak smile.
“Here,” He hands me a blanket. “the heat is out in the building, it’s going to get really cold back here tonight.”
“Thank you.” I almost whisper. I hope he can tell how nervous I am.
“You can always come stand by the stage and watch the show, if you want too.” He sits down beside me, but won’t look right at me.
“Um, that’s okay. I wouldn’t want to get in the way.” And I hate your music.
He looks up and we lock eyes. “I am sorry, you know that right?” He looks so crushed, I can tell he really means this. I’m really touched by this.
“I know, I got your note. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I’m just not used to people asking me questions, about anything. I like to be left in the background.” I look down as I say this, its all true but weird at the same time.
“I understand, will you watch TV again with me tonight? I promise not to ask you any questions.” I glance up at him, he is biting his lip.
“Only if we watch The Golden Girls.” I smile up at him. He nudges me with his arm then gets up to go get ready for his show. I look over at Chris, he has been watching us. I roll my eyes at him and hit play on my iPod.
I did end up using the blanket Justin brought me, it was freezing backstage. The guys still came off stage sweating like pigs but that didn’t last long. Chris and I were the first ones back to the bus, no after party tonight. The others are signing autographs, Chris is just a back up drummer so he doesn‘t have to stay with them for that. This is a good thing, we get time to get ready for bed before the others get here. I change into some night clothes but go sit up front.
“Aren’t you going to bed?” Chris asks me after his shower.
“Um, I kind of wanted to watch some TV up here, if that’s okay?” I hold
