Dad, thank you for the letter. All of those things were learned by watching and observing you so, it’s more of you and how you raised me than my own doing. Would you please make allowances in your wills for a substantial amount to go to a NF1 Association in my memory and let them know how I died, so people can see what NF can lead to in certain individuals?
I ask also of you the following and I obviously will never know if you have done this, but Mom has in fact given me her word. When the deed has been done, tell people at my funeral about my medical history and how I have suffered physically for my entire life and that in the latter stages I faced surgery and adhesions. Tell those people how much was taken from me.
Please tell those who said you have to stop me and who questioned how you could allow this, to ask themselves who it would have been better for?
I can’t imagine being a parent having to go through this, but one thing I do know and believe is that when you have a child, you give up certain things, one of which is doing things for selfish reasons or for being able to manipulate that child once you have raised him in the best way possible, to accept him for who he is and to support him in rational decisions.
Tell people that even if you said to me that you were not going to allow this, I would have gone without your blessing. Then you would have felt regret. Some people are saying that you will regret this.
I would like them to think deeply about the regret you will feel if I went with someone else to Dignitas and not my parents. The regret you would feel if you were not there as I breathed my last breath. They must think how I have suffered and be at peace that I, for the first time, am at peace, something I have searched for my entire life.
Sometimes, Dad, I am not with you when you talk to people. When they ask how you feel about this matter, you probably raise your problems with me not being terminal. All I ask of you is that in these discussions you mention that I do in fact have an incurable disease, that I am badly affected but by it as well as all that goes with it.
Dad, you have said on different occasions that in your opinion Mom and I overstate how I am affected; this is the opposite of my opinion and I feel you understate it to people.
Dad, I know this is extremely difficult for you because naturally you are a fighter. I thank you so much for your support. I want to thank you so, it is beyond words. It is more a tidal wave of love and gratitude pouring from my heart for supporting me in your own way this far and for what is to come. Just always remember my dream of finally being at peace in all senses of the word – it is or can be, could be a comfort to you eventually.
I love you both for the parents you are and have been. All of our hearts are breaking and I just want to sleep, be at peaceful sleep.
Just remember support is given in different ways and both of you are individuals and give support in different ways. The support you give is equally vital to me and I want to thank you for that.
9My Son
Neville had written to Craig shortly after he had informed his parents of his intention to end his life. Patsy responded a while later to Craig’s long letter to them both. Neville and Patsy’s letters are reproduced here.
17 May 2009
My dearest Craig
Thank you for spending time with me “watching the waves” today and for allowing me to talk to you about your decision to follow the assisted suicide route.
As difficult as it must be to terminate one’s life, I know that in the past you have fought NF with enormous conviction and courage.
At times I think it is all a bad dream but I do know that you don’t want to continue with the life you have been leading.
Craig, I feel that I haven’t given you all the recognition you have deserved, particularly taking into account the handicaps you have lived with. So I would like you to know that some of the reasons for admiring you are:
Your integrity. I am able to say with total conviction that I have never come across anyone who is more honest than you are. In my view, the ultimate compliment!
Your colour blindness, how you don’t discriminate. What a better place the world would be if it could follow your example.
Your delightful sense of humour. This is a quality that not everyone is aware of to the full extent.
Your impeccable manners. I well remember the positive comments from others including the day you played golf with strange ladies who managed to get our telephone number and phoned to say that you were not only a good golfer but also a young man with impeccable manners.
Your determination. There are so many examples. Your successful studies, including matric, marketing and personal training. I remember looking at your Economics paper and thereafter being amazed how well you passed.
Your success at golf. Not only did you overcome a coordination problem and the after effects of brain surgery but you played from a single handicap and played provincial golf at school level for two consecutive years. Most of us, including Rodney, Aaron and Nelius, dream about your swing.
Craig, these are but some of the many features which make me proud of you in such a special way.
I love you!
Dad
21 May
