Sent: Monday, 29 June 2009 2:08 PM
In all mainstream religions, including Buddhism, suicide (assisted or not) is a no-no, with regards to afterlife. Are you worried about that?
x
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Monday, 29 June 2009 7:10 PM
No, I feel more at peace now than I ever have in my life with regard to both my health situation, as well as religion and my relationship with the heavenly Father in my heart.
The fact that this is assisted suicide does not make me want to “sugar coat” things and say that it is not suicide because ultimately it is exactly that. By drinking the barbiturate I am taking my own life.
Firstly, let me state that I believe that what I have decided to do is in a way different, not correctly or incorrectly, but different. Often with suicide the person is looking through a “frosted window” and acts out of desperation or a depressed mind. I am of sound mind and fully believe that this is the way to go.
So too does the depressed person believe fully that this is the only option. In this case people have no right to judge this person, because they have not lived his/her life and do not know that this act was right to him/her in his/her heart and head.
In the case of the depressed person, though, my wish is that they would have had time to work through their issues with a professional and perhaps by taking medication to help them. If they then still feel that this is the only way to go then it is their personal decision.
The last thing I want to do is end my life in a violent way, e.g. shooting myself, because if there is a botch-up then I will be worse off. Also the anxiety that goes with this is great. I have had enough of anxiety with my condition to add more in my passing. So too has enough violent hurt been done both to my body and spirit. I don’t want my body to be violently hurt, whether it kills me or not, as my body and spirit has been repeatedly subjected to great violence.
To answer your question. I know that for me, in my heart, I fully believe that access into the afterlife will not be influenced by suicide, both in a depressed state or sane, assisted or not. In the end, I fully believe this to be the right decision.
I could be wrong though, and I believe that in the end then it will be just that in God’s eyes, a wrong decision. God does not punish us when we make errors of judgment throughout daily life.
I also believe that there are some things that God cannot change as much as He may want to. It is then that we must trust our heart and follow what it “whispers” to us to be the way.
Hope this gives some indication, Sandy. Please forgive me for the long-winded response.
C
From: Sandy Coffey
Sent: Monday, 29 June 2009 8:33 PM
Can you describe a “perfect” day if you could have it?
And then describe your day now?
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Tuesday, 30 June 2009 10:39 AM
A perfect day for me?
Sometimes we catch or experience a glimpse of true happiness and fulfilment. The thing is I wish that these moments could be bottled and we could live in that feeling or experience constantly. This is not reality though, and each and every one of us must make the best of what we have at our disposal or what we can do to contribute.
I experience moments of true happiness very differently now to before. When I lie down on my bed and I am free from emotional and physical pain with my mom beside me, for that short while I feel totally at peace and this is what I believe the place that I will be going to will feel like constantly.
So, my perfect day would require this feeling constantly, feeling total love, acceptance, peace, being pain free, being anxiety free and not having to live in the box that NF1 has put my mind and body into where I am limited to a fraction of the person I once was physically and emotionally.
A perfect day would also entail people being understanding and respectful of the difficulties I face and allowing me to cope in the way that is best for me, not what they believe is best for me.
My day now?
Having taken the decision I have has brought me a peace that I have never known. Sometimes I get very anxious though; I wish that things would move faster. I get anxious that I may not get the “green light”, although a large part of me knows that I will.
If I don’t, I have to go for arm surgery, which will have a six-month recovery period. My true self (my spirit/heart) will have a much longer recovery period though. The recovery period is for the rest of my existence on earth, that is the extent to which the constant invasive surgery affects my being.
In a perfect day I could eat normal foods as well as not be concerned about it potentially causing an obstruction in my colon, which ultimately gets me under the knife again.
In a perfect day, I would not have to subject my family to the torment of this disease, because ultimately my mom and dad are carrying the burden as well. A perfect day would entail my heart being held by loving hands that “get” me completely.
A perfect day for me would be lying on the bed at Dignitas and know that peace, to know I was loved by those in my life who matter to me.
On that day I would like to know that I did matter, that I did make a difference. On that day I would like those special few to know that for the first time in my life I have found something that I can do that cannot be taken
