I have often been asked how I coped and remained functional throughout. In summary, I would say the following has played a role: the fact that Craig fought a gallant fight for survival and the pain and suffering he was experiencing would only get worse. It was Craig’s very clear wish to end his life from the time he applied to Dignitas for assisted suicide in early 2009, and I believe he was of sound mind at the time. We also experienced strong support from family and friends.
What also helped is the belief that Craig had been freed from pain and minimal quality of life. And that the lessons learned during his lifetime helped to equip me better to recognise and assist others who are experiencing heartache and trauma.
Acknowledgements
CRAIG, IN AN EMAIL TO SANDY, expressed the wish that his book contain the following dedication:
Mom – You have been my softness, warmth, comfort, shelter, calm, grace, sustenance, fullness, peace, fighter, heart-understander, love of my life.
I truly would’ve “gone” so long ago if it was not for your soft heart. Nobody ever did understand our bond. It could never be broken, and I know that it never will be. This book may give some people a touch of insight into our connection, but it will be merely that, a touch of insight! I have been so privileged to have experienced this intense love, this constant, unbreakable love my entire life, from day one. Not many people are so fortunate to have experienced, to have lived such a life of constant love. I love you with every fibre of my being and I will wait anxiously for us to be reunited in a place of constant peace, peace that we have never known.
Dad – Dad, for living the life the way you always have! It was a lesson to observe the wonderful ways of how you live: of your morals, your manners, support, loyalty, unselfishness. Thank you for loving me “enough to let go”; it is the ultimate gift of love. Thank you so much for bestowing that upon me. If I could do it all again and choose any man in the world to be my father, it would be you. If I managed to display even a touch of your many qualities in life then I think it would be a true achievement; I will wait anxiously for you Above.
George Irvine – You truly are all that I imagine God to be. Words cannot express my love for you. You are one of the very few that I love intensely, wait anxiously with open arms for you.
Sandy Coffey – Words cannot express the love in my heart for you. I harbour a very deep place for you. Little did I know when I met you a little while ago the beautiful friend I would come to know. Thank you for being one of the very, very few who totally understood me, my heart, spirit. Thank you for all that you did, all that you are doing and all that you will do. I love you intensely, wait anxiously Above for you.
Quinton Gilbertson – My cousin! I wish I had known you better. I have seen your beautiful heart. Thank you for all you have done for me, for all you are doing and all I know you will do. I will “travel” with you on that day [of the next London Marathon] and all I can offer is a mere breath in your sails; as you are a strong man I will travel on your back and can only offer you that, a mere breath.
Uncle Brian – My uncle, my godfather. I have seen your heart for the longest time; it is soft, and it is beautiful. “The Godfather” will always be my signature cocktail. Thank you for that visit, that drink! It will sustain me until the day we can have another one together.
Nana – You are a beautiful soul. Thank you for being there since the beginning, for your loyalty, for your understanding! I love you.
Epilogue
WHAT WOULD IT HAVE BEEN LIKE for Craig, his parents, his family, his friends and those who loved him had he been allowed to die as he wished: legally, without any additional trauma, in his own country and with his mother’s and father’s arms wrapped around him?
How different an experience might it all have been had Craig and his family been able to access a range of professional services – psychologists and other medical specialists – and who might have advised and guided them through the various stages of the trauma?
Craig ended his life in a harrowing manner – alone, at home, in his bedroom, terrified that the second attempt might also fail and that he might be left alive, his health even more compromised than before. Dealing with the uncertainty and the possible illegality of his actions and how this might affect his parents could not have contributed positively to his spiritual state, no matter how hard he had tried to prepare for his death.
And so, we can only imagine how his last moments might have been consumed by anxiety and fear rather than be filled with the serenity, peace and acceptance he so desired and deserved.
Is it right that someone like Craig, a rational individual who was living with an extreme form of an incurable condition, be denied the right to self-deliverance?
It is these questions we must ask as 21st-century people who are able to imagine the present and the future where medical science is able to sustain and prolong life in otherwise unviable conditions. The changing medical landscape requires a concomitant re-examination of the moral, philosophical, legal
