* * *
I cried myself to sleep that night. In the morning, I felt raw. I thought of Okem, and then my thoughts drifted to Albert. Since Albert had never assaulted me until then, I concluded the incident was a one-off resulting from my bad behavior. Searching for Okem behind his back was bad enough. Involving the entire world in that search was belittling.
Too ashamed about the incident, I swore not to breathe a word about it to anybody, especially not my grandmother. Telling her would mean revealing my role in the issue. I stuck to my convictions and told no one, not even Ifedi, who observed the marks on my face. I spent the rest of the day in my room to hide my distress. My grandmother left me alone. She must have thought I just needed to rest after my big date the night before.
Albert didn’t let it pass. He came to see me in the evening. I met him in the parlor upstairs, away from the prying eyes of my grandmother.
“I am so sorry about yesterday,” he pleaded. “Please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It was the devil,” I said, glaring at him.
“What?” he asked earnestly.
“The devil came over you.”
He paused and knelt before me, and I looked away, disappointed he hadn’t caught the slightest hint of my sarcasm.
“I swear,” he said, touching the tip of his lip with his index finger and pointing it to the ceiling, “that I have never ever touched another woman in my life.”
I turned to stare at his face in astonishment. I didn’t know what I was searching for, but that last comment hurt me as deeply as his crime did. I must’ve been the worst kind of woman if someone as kind and as calm as Albert could raise his hand against me.
“What you did drove me insane,” he continued, cutting through my reverie. “Please forgive me.”
I remained still.
“I won’t do it again,” he pleaded. “Please, my darling. Please forgive me.”
“I forgive you,” I finally said when I couldn’t bear his pleading any longer.
Although I believed the promise he made to never assault me again, the incident marred our relationship. One week later, after hours of pleading and uncountable gifts, I decided to really forgive him and blamed myself for provoking him.
Chapter Twelve
IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Was this my punishment for choosing status and wealth over love? Was Albert my burden to bear for driving Okem away?
One night, after a protracted argument about something so insignificant I barely remember, Albert lifted me and threw me across my bedroom. As my head hit the wall, I became momentarily unconscious. Still dizzy when I came around, I froze until I saw him march out of the room and shut the door behind him. Realizing that what I thought was a one-off was actually a pattern of behavior, I cried until my eyes became sore.
I lay on the floor pondering how I got myself into such a situation. An hour later, I dragged myself to the sofa and sank further into sadness. Before I knew it, I was walking along the seashore in Luenah.
It was a particularly busy day. Familiar and unfamiliar faces roamed around, waving as they passed me by. For the first time, I noticed variations amongst the people. A number of the men and women, even the children, had a sad look about them. They looked down as they went by. Around their heads hung a wreath of dry weeds. The sorrow in their eyes caused me to briefly forget my own problems and ponder how a living being could be so bent out of shape. As I turned around the corner, my grandfather appeared and took my hand. We boarded the carriage en route to the shrine. On the way, he spoke softly to me.
“Remember the story of Jonah.”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“God sent Jonah to prophesy against Nineveh. But Jonah had other plans. He boarded a ship to Tarshish, and God sent a mighty tempest to threaten the sea and everything in it. Jonah’s ship was at risk of destruction. His fellow mariners were afraid and did everything in their power to lighten the load in the vessel, hoping that would prevent them from drowning. When that didn’t work, they prayed to their various gods to quell the tempest and cast lots to reveal the cause of their predicament. The lot fell on none other than Jonah, which forced them to throw him into the sea where a great fish was waiting to swallow him. Jonah remained in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights. He prayed and cried to God to rescue him and promised to do God’s will if only He would honor his request. The third night, God spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.”
My grandfather’s voice was soothing. Like a balm, it eased the pain in my aching heart.
“Thanks for the refresher, Papa. I remember that story from my Bible study days as a kid.”
“You’re welcome, my dear. The challenge now is for you to understand how the lesson applies to you.”
“You read my mind. What has Jonah got to do with me?” I said, shaking my head.
“How did you feel the first time Albert hit you?”
“Horrible. Albert has broken my heart to pieces.”
“Why do you think he did it?”
“It was partly my fault. I...I hurt his feelings.”
“Whose feelings are you responsible for, yours or his? Whose feelings matter more than anything else in this world?”
“I...I...don’t—.”
“Try, my dear. Whose feelings do you have control over?”
“Mine, I guess.”
“Good! Tell me, after everything Albert has done to you, how do you feel about yourself?”
His questions perplexed me, but after a minute’s pause, I responded. “Less than optimal. I can’t even look at myself in the
