Gretchen’s gaze drifted; she was putting pieces together. “I thought you and him could just hook up and have fun. I didn’t know how deep your feelings went. You didn’t tell me.”
“He got under my skin that first night in Denver. I was shook up.”
“It’s not a bad thing to meet someone like that.”
“And then what? He’d be here and I’d be consumed by him. I’d lose myself to him. I’d lose you.”
She smacked me upside my head. “Ow,” I winced.
“No you wouldn’t, you doofus. You think I’d let that happen?” She shook her head like I’d just insulted her outfit. “Real Love is complicated. You don’t get lost in someone, you help each other find who they’re meant to be.”
I studied Gretch’s retro Formica table. Sanders and I had done that. We’d known how to push each other.
“I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t appreciate what you did for me. Getting me the job at the Lodge and—”
“Hold up. I didn’t get you that job.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I mean, I know I interviewed and stuff but I wouldn’t have even gotten that if you didn’t somehow get me that recommendation.”
She shook her head, placing a hand on my shoulder to look at her. “No. Listen. I didn’t get you the interview at the Lodge. Diane Donner and I weren’t friends. Why would she listen to me?”
“You didn’t get Bethany Winston to email her?”
Now she looked at me like I set fire to her whole wardrobe. “No.”
“The links to the community college night classes? None of that was you?”
She shook her head. I stared into space trying to wrap my mind around all this new information. All these years I just assumed it was Gretchen and her meddling that got me into the Lodge. But if not her …
“Even if I had, you still would’ve had to prove yourself,” she reminded me. “I just want you to be happy. That’s why I push. You seemed stuck. You wear those suits and work so damn hard. Is that what you want?”
“I do like my job. I like working hard. I like being part of something bigger. I don’t love the suits,” I joked. Turning serious, I added, “I don’t want you to regret what happened that night.”
“I’ll only regret it if you don’t live the life that makes you happy.”
The revelations were coming so fast, I couldn’t process. I spoke the first thing that came to my mind. “If I don’t do anything for you, why do you even want me around?”
“Because you’re my friend and I love you. Oh my God, do you not understand that? Do you think that love is determined by what you can do for people? You’re worthy of love all on your own.”
“Thank you.” Emotion stung my eyes. It was like a huge knot in my chest finally started to unravel. All these weeks apart. I missed her so much. Friendship like any relationship took time and dedication. I wouldn’t lose her again. I wouldn’t shut her out because I was scared. I took a deep breath. “I love you, Gretchen.”
If Sanders could say it so easily to Skip, I could say it to her.
“And I love you, Roxy. Nothing will change that. Unless you stop talking to me. I can’t stand that shit.”
“Deal,” I said.
“I’m pouring shots. The SWS is getting too fucking soft. These men infiltrating are making us weak and confused.”
I rolled my eyes at her but happily accepted the booze. As we drank, I explained everything that happened with Sanders including his absence these last weeks until Vincent had given me the letters.
“Letters? Lame,” she said.
“Well. To be fair. They’re very sweet. It feels very old school.”
“Like pagers?”
“No like ink pots and quill pens.”
“Again, I say, lame,” she said with a teasing lightness.
My smile melted as I sighed. “He just shares what he’s been up to. His father’s funeral. What’s going on with him and Skip.”
“Aww, how is Skip?” she asked.
“Good I think. He’s actually here in Green Valley, we’re gonna meet up for a drink.”
“Why’s he in Green Valley again?”
I frowned in thought. “I assumed it was for work but I’m not exactly sure.”
“Hmm. Interesting. You know that night at the bar I could have sworn …”
“Gretchen. No. Down, girl. Let him figure it out,” I said.
“Ugh. Fine. This is going to be hard.”
“Time for you to maybe—” I started.
“I’m just gonna stop you right there.” She held up a hand. “I’m good as I am. Okay, sorry I interrupted. You were saying about the letters. Tell me there are at least thinly veiled hints to sex.”
“No. Not at all.” I shook my head. “They’re sweet but left me feeling like I wanted more, I guess. It’s weird. When we met that first night in Denver … I wouldn’t have expected all these months to pass only to be getting letters as a friend. It’s like we’re going in reverse.”
“Nothing worth having is easy. It’s a cliché for a reason. Look at what Kim and masked boy are going through. Look at the hoops Suzie and Ford jumped through. Love is a fucking mess.”
“Yeah,” I said sadly.
“We have to stick together,” she said.
“I agree. I don’t want you out of my life again.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed.
She squeezed my hand back. “No ex left behind.”
“Damn straight,” I said and leaned in for a hug. God, I had missed her. It was like I could relax my shoulders after months of having them up to my ears.
When we pulled apart, she wiped at her face quickly and I pretended not to notice.
“Sanders has got to work through some things,” she explained. “If I had known he’d be so emotionally unavailable, I would have never tried to set you up. Do you miss him?” she asked without judgment.
I chewed my lip. My
