I admit that our progress hasn’t been entirely straightforward. Claire has recently decided she’s not interested in lettuce (after eating it happily in the past). I’m hoping that this will pass quickly (like her inexplicable refusal, for an entire month last winter, to eat oatmeal, which she now “loves” again). Sophie still absolutely refuses to eat most cheese (although she now eats grilled cheese sandwiches). And she still sometimes whines when something not to her liking appears on her plate (although she doesn’t leave the table anymore). And Philippe and I still often overreact to her whining—but less than we used to. I am sometimes so busy that I fall back into a cooking rut and tend to serve the same dishes more frequently than I would like. So we’re not learning “new” tastes at the same rate as we were in France. But the need to do so isn’t as great because the girls’ willingness to eat things has increased so much.
So we’re not eating perfectly. But my time in France taught me to be wary of magic bullets or perfect diets. In fact, the French taught me that food rules can occasionally be suspended. The French love food, but their approach to food education is positive and upbeat because it starts from the “pleasure principle.” They don’t obsess about calories, and they don’t punish their children (or themselves) for liking “bad” food. They’re not (with rare exceptions) health nuts. In fact, they believe that it is normal—and even secretly satisfying—to bend or even break the rules once in a while. So they allow their children to do the same. This is so important, particularly in our North American culture of food extremism, that I’ve named this the Tenth (and Golden) French Food Rule:
French Food Rule #10 (The Golden Rule):
Eating is joyful, not stressful.
Treat the food rules as habits or routines rather than strict regulations; it’s fine to relax them once in a while.
Simply put, this rule means that the French seek to avoid excesses in eating. Excessive control of food and obsession with healthy eating are to be avoided, just as much as indulgent or unrestrained eating of poor-quality food. Both, in fact, are examples of an obsession with food that the French think is unhealthy. Rather, the principles of moderation and balance (équilibre) guide the French. This is even true for their own food rules: you have to be moderate in following the rules, not overzealous and strict.
This is the balance we’ve struck now that we’re back in Vancouver. But it is a balance that is admittedly difficult to maintain. In France, schools and governments actively help to create the conditions in which parents can teach their children to eat well. This includes helping children develop good eating habits through positive reinforcement (like the lessons provided during Tasting Week), as well as selective regulations on the production, marketing, and sale of food. The French have created a modern and efficient food system, aligned with an education system, that helps families make good food choices. This isn’t the case where we now live.
So it’s hard for families to change. However, I’m determined to try. I have started a quiet campaign to have “real” food hot lunches served at Sophie’s school, although I have no idea whether or when I’ll be successful. But I’m hopeful, because what I saw in France made me realize that how our children eat is largely influenced by what and how we believe they can eat. And so changing our own attitudes and beliefs can go a long way to helping our families eat better.
What do we believe about kids’ food? Many North American parents believe that kids don’t like vegetables. We assume that kids don’t like spicy foods, flavorful foods, colorful foods, textured foods, strange-looking foods, or new foods. Basically, we believe that kids don’t like real food. And we also take it for granted that what kids do like is restricted to an extremely short list, topped by things like pasta, chips, and crackers.
But what if we were to believe the opposite? French parents believe that their children will grow up to eat like they do: to enjoy tasting new foods, to choose a balanced diet, to eat their vegetables uncomplainingly, and to enjoy food—all food—in moderation. French parents and teachers encourage children every step of the way, believing that their children will turn out to be healthy eaters. The French government and schools support parents and teachers with an appropriate curriculum and regulations, in addition to the lessons kids learn from eating healthy school lunches. But the French also know that a true food education starts in the home. And it begins with the belief in your children’s innate capacity to eat well and your capacity to teach them to do so.
Alors, bonne chance et bon appétit!
Tips and Tricks, Rules and Routines for Happy, Healthy Eaters
This section summarizes the French Food Rules together with practical tips to help you foster healthy eating habits in your children, just as the French do: through a combination of rituals and rules, culinary flair and common sense.
Why are food rules useful? First, they simplify life. They create boundaries so that you reduce impulsivity and don’t have to rely so much on willpower or imposing parental authority. Second, they create structure because respecting the rules often requires creating routines. This provides children with a sense of security, and if they feel more secure, they are more likely to eat well. Third, these rules provide guidance on regulating your eating habits and on healthy food choices—which is so important, given the fact that North Americans are confronted with an overabundance of relatively cheap, hypermarketed, often unhealthy food. And, last but not least, rules minimize negotiating and arguing with your children (and, if
