Many of the other rules listed here (like scheduling meals, eating a variety of foods, and teaching children to be open to new foods) will also help avoid emotional eating. Think of other ways to soothe or reward your children, and they will, in turn, learn how to regulate their own emotions without the use of food.
Rule #2 Tips for Avoiding Emotional Eating
• Teach your children to seek out good foods (rather than avoiding “bad” foods). The difference is subtle but important.
• Teach your children that while food is a source of pleasure, eating should not be emotionally driven. For example, don’t give a child candy as a reward or as solace for hurting themselves. If you feel you need to comfort your kids with food, offer an easily accepted fruit (like an apple) or vegetable.
• Encourage children to focus on food as a source of sensory pleasure. The French do this through describing food (which is a form of food education that involves all of the senses). Teach children to use words to describe food. Rather than saying “it’s good” or “it’s bad,” ask them to describe the sensations. “It’s dry.” “It’s spicy.” “It’s soft (or hard).” Ask them, “How does it feel on your tongue?” “How does it feel when you swallow it?” (Note: Sensory education [how food tastes, feels, smells, looks, and sounds] works best with young children. Save nutritional education for older children.)
• Try “logical consequences” rather than punishments. “First we eat our vegetables, then we eat dessert.” Note that framing dessert as a reward (“Eat your vegetables, or you won’t get dessert”) may encourage children to devalue or even dislike vegetables. Instead, French parents establish a logical sequence for meals, which creates an easy routine of “first this, then that.”
• Most American parenting books focus on food supply, emphasizing nutrients and energy to support growth and development. French parents focus on demand. Their goal is to teach children how to enjoy healthy food, so that they ask for it themselves when they’re older. If they associate food with rewards or punishments, they’re less likely to do so.
French Food Rule #3:
Parents schedule meals and menus.
Kids eat what adults eat: no substitutes and no short-order cooking.
French kids are just like their parents: they love to celebrate food, but at the same time they are expected to follow a schedule and show self-restraint regarding what, when, and how much they eat (especially treats). This applies even to the littlest of kids. The majority of French children eat no more and no fewer than three meals per day, with the largest meal (up to 40 percent of daily caloric intake) being eaten at lunch. Most people eat at the same time of day, all over the country: 7:30 for breakfast; 12:30 for lunch; 7:30 for dinner. They don’t skip meals because food is a priority—often the priority of the day. This is especially true for lunch, but it is also true for other meals: 90 percent of the French but only 50 percent of Americans eat breakfast seven days a week.
This rule about scheduling meals may be hard for North Americans to accept. Scheduling meals sounds authoritarian. It sounds overly strict. It sounds, to be frank, kind of mean. What could be crueler than denying food to a hungry child? But the point is that French children don’t usually feel that hungry between mealtimes because they eat so well at mealtimes. And some scientific research does show that children will regulate food intake at meals accordingly, depending on what they are fed, and when mealtimes are scheduled.
In my experience, French kids’ stomachs have been trained to expect food at certain times; in between, they have been trained to happily sit and wait. Yes, I am saying that French children eat less often but also feel hungry less often. If it seems contradictory, remember that French kids don’t really get that hungry because they eat reasonably sized portions at regular times with a balanced menu at each meal. And they eat high-satiety foods, so they feel satisfied for a long time.
One final point: Scheduling meals does not mean that there is a “one size fits all” approach to eating. Rather, implementing this rule means thinking about what schedule best suits your family, given your goals. Maybe your goal is to have your children eat more of the healthy food you serve at dinnertime rather than filling up on snack food. Or maybe your goal is to stop your children’s demands (and your concessions) for fast-food “treats.” Or maybe (like us, at the moment) your goal is to make sure everyone eats a good breakfast rather than a midmorning snack. If a schedule will help you to meet your goals, then use one.
Rule #3 Tips on Meal Scheduling and Choice
• Decide on a set time for at least one sit-down family meal per day (like dinner). Set the table (this is a good chore to assign!), and keep mealtime as structured as possible.
• Make sure there is always one thing on the table your child likes. Other than this, kids eat what adults eat. This means no substitutes. It also means an end to being a short-order cook. Yes, this does mean that your children may leave the table hungry now and then (but they won’t starve). The French believe that they’ll simply eat more at their next meal.
• Take a look at your schedule, including kids’ extracurricular activities. Is your busy lifestyle preventing you from eating proper meals? Being able to manage one’s schedule in order to make sufficient time for healthy eating is an important skill to teach your children.
• Offer choice within appropriate boundaries. For older children, set up weekly menus like a “food contract.” Or offer menu options for the week. Once decided, the menu
