He shakes his head. “Because I’m an idiot. I think I just had a fucked-up perception of marriage. I was talking to my dad about it once, how I didn’t know if I was ready to be with one woman for the rest of my life. He winked at me and told me it didn’t have to be that way. He gave me this kind of fucked-up advice about treating your wife like a queen and keeping her happy and then having a little tail on the side.”
I wince. “Tail? Really?”
“I know. But I thought it was a way that I could move forward with marriage. When your aunt made you promise to wait until you were twenty-five, it was like a godsend. You notice I never really argued that much.”
I think about it. “No, you didn’t.”
“I thought, Thank God. Because I’m not ready. And then the closer it came to time, the more I acted out, I guess. I don’t know.”
I process what he’s saying, and in a weird way, I get it. “Thank you for telling me all this. It helps me understand.”
“You don’t need to thank me for anything ever again. So what’s going on with you here? What’s your job?”
A sense of pride boils up inside of me. “I’m the outreach coordinator.”
“What’s that?”
“I work to get grants for families to come stay at the resort free of cost.” I explain a little about the resort’s specializations.
“Wow. That sounds…it actually sounds perfect for you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it does. You’re tenacious. You go for what you want. You’re personable, and you care about people.”
I allow myself a moment of pride, though I’ve felt nothing but shame the past month.
“Did your dad ever break down and send you any money?” he asks.
“Not a dime. But to be fair, Samantha gave me some to get down here.”
“God, that makes me feel like shit. I wish you would’ve let me give you some.”
I shrug. “It turns out I didn’t need it.”
He smiles at me. “Sounds like you’re thriving here.”
I look away, feeling terrible for thriving, even just at work, when Brett is in so much pain.
“Are you dating one of those guys who wanted to kick my ass?”
“No,” I say, picking at my fingernail.
“Ah, but you are dating someone? I should’ve known.”
“No, I’m definitely not…not anymore.”
“What happened?”
I shake my head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He lowers his chin, giving me that look, and I know exactly what’s coming next. “So if you’re single, want to go knock one out for old time’s sake?”
I glare at him. “No, I do not.”
He smiles. “I had to check.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask.
“The goal was to get you to come home. But to be honest, I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship right now.”
“Uh, ya think?”
He gives a contrite smile, looking down at his lap.
“When you say the goal was to get me to come home, whose goal was it?” I ask.
He cuts his gaze at me. “You know whose goal it was.”
I exhale a deep breath. “My dad has not said boo to me in weeks. And now he sends you down here to do his dirty work.”
“Your dad’s an extremely proud man. He likes everyone in his orbit to be under his thumb.”
I squint into the distance. “I lived the life of his good little girl for twenty-five years.”
“And now you’re living your own life. How does that feel?”
The bittersweet ache in my chest grasps me, because as long as Brett is hurting, I’ll never feel okay.
“Are you hungry?” Joshua asks.
“Not really.”
“Let me rephrase that. I’m hungry. Do you want to come sit with me while I eat and tell me about what’s happening with this new guy of yours?”
I stand up. “I’ll go sit with you. Let me introduce you to the Circle.”
“If the Circle’s got a fried seafood platter, then I’m in.”
“I’m sure we can rustle one up.”
32
Brett
Tori puts her napkin on the table. “That was so good, Melody. It’s been way too long since I’ve had your lasagna.”
“That’s for sure,” my mom says. “It’s good seeing you. I’ve missed having you around.”
Tori nods, looking down at her lap. We all know that she doesn’t come around because she doesn’t want to run into her own mother two doors down. But she’s risked it to be with me these past six weeks for Sunday dinner.
“I’ve got some news for you boys,” my mom says. Matthew looks up from his plate with a frown.
“I’m selling the trailer.”
“Wait, what?” Matthew asks. “Why?”
“The only reason we stayed here all these years was because it was familiar to Mimi. I didn’t want to move her to a new place and add more stress to her situation. But I’m doing better, and I’m a supervisor now at the hospital. Lead patient care coordinator. I got a salary increase.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.
She shrugs. “It didn’t seem real. I just wanted to wait until I got my first paycheck with the new salary, I guess.” She smiles.
It’s just like my mom to bury the lead. I don’t want to make too big of a deal out of this promotion, because I’m not sure this is her dream. She tried going to school to be a nurse, but life, and her addiction, always got in the way. But maybe someday she can still make that happen.
“That’s fantastic,” Tori says.
“Thanks.”
“Where am I going to live?” Matthew asks.
“You can come with me, hon. Or you can stay at the dorm next year if you want. It’s time for us all to move on.”
A silence falls over us. I knew this time would come, and I even thought it might be liberating in some sick way, but I can’t get past the way it happened—the pain my grandma must have experienced. I’ve just wanted to be here since it happened, as if my presence could change the outcome of that night.
“I’ve appreciated you being here and helping with everything,”
